Will she know I am preggy? And would you go ahead?

[Maybeitismilkagain]

Seeing a guy I went to school with and just found out I am pregnant. About 5.5 weeks.

He works abroad sometimes in the middle east so I have only just told him. He was planning to pay me an evening visit and I t9ld him over text. I said I hadn't decided what to do. He says 'it's my baby. Please have it'

It is all very strange as it was a casual thing, in my mind. And now I am pregnant.

He wants me to meet his mum and dad for a roast, and his brother and partner who have 3 DC

He thinks it is a good idea to tell his mum and dad after I've met them. On his own. I have said that's a bad idea as she's a woman. She will know. I have horrific HG sickness that is only calmed down by medication

Personally, I've always guessed correctly when someone is pregnant but hasn't announced yet. Something about them gives it away.

Should I encourage him to just tell them and then meet with them?

The title is insp from his awful joke. He likes to say 'preggy, with a fertilised eggy'. And also likes to make references to that awful 'You're having my baby' song 😫

He doesn't know this but I haven't 100% decided if I want to continue with the pregnancy. I might not tell him if I do terminate, depending on how early the pregnancy is ended. Otherwise yes, I will have to say I am terminating

The thought of carrying his baby is thrilling. I always loved him when I was in my teens and was sad to break-up. He contacted me again when I was already married so never got round to a meet up. I now live 50 miles away from the area too. I posted some Instagram photos of myself a while back and he messaged me. It went from there

I have a gorgeous DS and DD from my previous marriage. Recently divorced (my children are 7 and 3). I am not sure if this suits them/would be too much of an inconvenience so I have yet to decide.

My son has special needs and is very easy going and oblivious to things like this. He would genuinely be fine. My DD would probably find it tough with a new baby. She is a total mummy's girl and likes having me to herself whenever she can

please think of your existing children....this could go badly wrong for multiple people

Yes, my immediate concern is my current DC. Which is why I am taking time to really consider everything

It is really hard because I also need to consider if I can emotionally recover from a termination if I don't want one emotionally

What sort of relationship will the two of you have going forward?

Here goes, tough love coming-

The man is irrelevant. There are various red flags about the situation I’ll bring up in a minute.

The only thing that’s relevant is you, your DC and the pregnancy. What would you do if he were totally absent? If you would keep the pregnancy if he didn’t exist, then go for it, bearing in mind everything you said about your DC.

Right. Him. Red flags- he’s pressuring you to keep a pregnancy with what looks like sod all care for you and your dc. He’s pressuring you to meet his family, while you are feeling ill and vulnerable and uncertain. He got you pregnant bloody fast. So for all those reasons I don’t like him.

IF you want to keep the pregnancy and the man, do it separately. He isn’t ‘Mummy’s partner or boyfriend’. He’s the new baby’s dad so he’ll be visiting the baby. He isn’t part of the family.

In time, he might earn his place in your family but so far he’s earned being kept at a distance imo.

Please be careful. You are very vulnerable, and your DC need you more than anything.

In your position I would not go ahead with the pregnancy.

You aren't in a relationship with him. You have no idea what he'd be like as a father/ or partner in terms of support.

i would focus on your 2 young children.

Your youngest has additional needs and they are prob going to get harder to manage for you and him as he grows up, I would consider if I can manage that as well as a new baby. Also what if the new baby has additional needs as well?

Not to mention you aren't even in a committed relationship with this man, I don't think now is the time for a new baby.

OP can you raise three children as a single parent - financially, logistically, emotionally?

In between all the excitement and songs, what practical discussions have you had about your relationship and co-parenting? Does he still intend to work in the ME? Would he be providing financially? Would you be a couple? Would he live with you? How does he see the family working with your DC? Could he cope with a non verbal DSS?

I know he's a UK tax payer. I know he would pay child support.

I wouldn't be keeping the pregnancy on the basis that I'm counting on him to be around. I know full well it could mean no support with DC3

My ex H is a good man and not a bully. We are now separated due to grief and handing it too differently. Resentment built on my part and I knew I had to separate

He pays for DCs and sees them, but is nowhere near hands on enough to be classed as a joint carer, for example

Do people who post this sort of snide, unhelpful comment do it to feel better about themselves?

What a car crash I think you are mad to consider this in any way a good idea.

Do you have form for struggling to think through long term consequences - and what the reality of a fantasy will be like to actually live for the rest of your life???

Do you claim benefits? You won’t get anything for the third child.

I’m so sorry about the loss of you and your ex husband’s first daughter. That makes this especially hard for you to work through.

Take your time and don’t let him push you into anything. I’m really concerned he’s being so pushy.

You don't know that he'd pay child support. Women are shocked every day after twenty year marriages and IVF children, when their ex fucks off to be bever seen again. Do you really think that you having another baby won't stir anything in your ex? You are being very naive.

So what do you think is best for your current DC? To terminate or not terminate this pregnancy. It's one or the other? It's not easy, no one is saying it's easy, but what is the most important thing to consider in all of this.

You don’t know he would pay child support. Married men who have planned for and raised their children weasel out of paying when they split from the mother. A lot of men are emotionally able to leave families and parental responsibility behind.

You’ll get CMS if he’s a UK taxpayer. If he changes job and doesn’t pay tax here (like most in the ME), you won’t be entitled to CMS. Don’t factor any contribution from him into your planning. Just see it as a bonus.

Exactly this. You sound as though you’re about 14.

From the way you wrote this post, it sounded like you were teenagers.
It was only the mention of a divorce that made me realise you're adults.
You both sound very immature and I would not have a child with him.
Focus on the children you already have.

You both sound really naive and a bit dim, frankly. I know that's harsh, but I don't know what else to say about someone who has two kids from one relationship and then randomly gets pregnant with an old flame who does not sound like he is going to be a committed parent, and openly says they find this situation "thrilling" despite the lack of marriage/stable relationship and the fact that one of her kids has SN and both kids are dealing with the complexity of their parents' divorce.

I am so sorry to hear about the death of your first daughter. However, on a realistic and unemotional stand point I'm afraid I think you'll find out that no matter what he has said that he won't pay child support. Or if he did, it wouldn't be all the way until the child was 18. You don't have a fully committed relationship, you haven't even lived together to find out what kind of a man he is in the day to day reality of life with three children, two of which aren't his. At the moment, with him being away so often, it's all light and fun and romantic.

Would he come back and work permanently from the UK? How long is he away for at the time? And whereabouts in the Middle East does he work? Where does he live when he is there and when he is back in the UK?

If he wants to be in his child's life, which he would have a right to be, how on earth are you going to manage that but yet not let your daughter meet him for a year? Logistically that is going to be a nightmare, especially with an SEN child in the mix. What happens if he takes you to court for 50/50 custody? Will you be able to cope with that? What happens if he wants to be a proper couple, proposes and everything? What about your poor daughter?

I think you have so many things to think about and it absolutely comes down to you and I totally understand the emotional thoughts you are having about an abortion, but you do need to consider the children you already have and their possible emotional distress if you bring another child and its father into the mix. As their mum, their emotional well being absolutely has to come before your own and certainly before the wishes of the father and if that means an abortion, then being harsh, that is something for you to wrestle with.

Do you really want to be tied for life to someone who says preggy with a little eggy? 🤢

Sounds really childish doesn't it.

People always say that the dads will pay.

The reality is very different especially if they are self employed.

Preggy with a fertilized eggy has given me the ick for you! Having 3 kids is hard work and from the small snippet you have told us about him he doesn't sound very mature and somewhat manipulative, as hard as it is this baby is not a sign and i think it is going to cause you and your children a lot of additional stress.

Don't think about him, don't even think about you for a moment. What is best for your two existing children? I think we should always prioritise our current children over any potential future.

They've had a great deal of upheaval; presumably the eldest is aware of his lost sister as well as the divorce, plus of course his additional needs. DD3 has a sibling with additional needs that will impact her all her life, and is feeling clingy - presumably because she's had change in her short life and wants security.

A pregnancy and a newborn to their single parent life, a bloke they don't know joining the family unit so soon (however tenuously at first)... is this really the best and most loving choice for your children?

It may be that this casual, long distance relationship will become a more serious thing. That would be lovely. If and when that is the case, that's the sensible time to be thinking about whether to introduce a third child into your life.

This is just a game to him, I think. His life won't change, while you do all the hard work birthing and bringing up 'his baby' while he swans in and out like Disney dad.

If he was genuinely serious about this, he'd be talking about timescales and how to become a family. He'd be talking about marriage and about developing his relationship with your older two kids, and becoming their stepdad. He'd be talking living arrangements.

Has any of that happened, or is it just the 'preggy with a fertilised eggy' stuff?