Will she know I am preggy? And would you go ahead?

[Maybeitismilkagain]

Seeing a guy I went to school with and just found out I am pregnant. About 5.5 weeks.

He works abroad sometimes in the middle east so I have only just told him. He was planning to pay me an evening visit and I t9ld him over text. I said I hadn't decided what to do. He says 'it's my baby. Please have it'

It is all very strange as it was a casual thing, in my mind. And now I am pregnant.

He wants me to meet his mum and dad for a roast, and his brother and partner who have 3 DC

He thinks it is a good idea to tell his mum and dad after I've met them. On his own. I have said that's a bad idea as she's a woman. She will know. I have horrific HG sickness that is only calmed down by medication

Personally, I've always guessed correctly when someone is pregnant but hasn't announced yet. Something about them gives it away.

Should I encourage him to just tell them and then meet with them?

The title is insp from his awful joke. He likes to say 'preggy, with a fertilised eggy'. And also likes to make references to that awful 'You're having my baby' song 😫

He doesn't know this but I haven't 100% decided if I want to continue with the pregnancy. I might not tell him if I do terminate, depending on how early the pregnancy is ended. Otherwise yes, I will have to say I am terminating

The thought of carrying his baby is thrilling. I always loved him when I was in my teens and was sad to break-up. He contacted me again when I was already married so never got round to a meet up. I now live 50 miles away from the area too. I posted some Instagram photos of myself a while back and he messaged me. It went from there

I have a gorgeous DS and DD from my previous marriage. Recently divorced (my children are 7 and 3). I am not sure if this suits them/would be too much of an inconvenience so I have yet to decide.

My son has special needs and is very easy going and oblivious to things like this. He would genuinely be fine. My DD would probably find it tough with a new baby. She is a total mummy's girl and likes having me to herself whenever she can

No, a baby is not a blessing in all situations, what a bizarre thing to say. And as for babies needing pricey things - are you aware that they grow up, and become very very expensive?

Yikes. You have a non verbal child with SEN and you’ve recently gotten divorced and this guy doesn’t even know your kids. He also sounds really immature so how do you think it’s all going to go? Are you planning on moving in with him? Or what? If I was your kids when I was older, I’d look back and think you were really selfish to subject them to this at this point in their lives. Do yourself a favour, have a termination, cut ties with this guy and don’t meet his parents. Lock down your contraception 100% if you have another relationship.

As for your question no I don’t think his mum will guess that you are pregnant. But i wouldn’t put it past him to have told his family about it so seriously get yourself out of this situation.

Yeah not so much of a blessing for the non verbal SEN boy who has already had his world turned upside down through divorce and needs all the support he can get. He doesn’t need his mum having a baby with some random guy.

To go back to the original question. The only way his mother would know would be if he had told her, unfairly to pressure your decision and commitment. Do not put yourself in that position. Are you also sure there is no other partner back in ME?

Whatever happens, you both need to sort out some contraception if you weren’t actually planning a third child.

It sounds like you and ex H went through awful trauma, splitting up through unresolved grief and seeing this baby as some kind of sign suggests you haven't fully worked through it. I'm so sorry.

With two small children, one non verbal and special needs, that's a huge amount for you to deal with. And the thought that you're pregnant by a man they don't know feels odd.

But you know him and have for a long time. I assume he has no children and is over the moon at the thought of family future with you.

I'd bet he's already told his family.

So your decision is

Do you love him?

Is he father material?

Do you see yourself and your children spending the rest of your lives with him?

Would he treat your children and his equally?

Would his parents do the same?

The usual financial and practical considerations about bills and living arrangements and so on - can you afford another child?

Are you ok with another pregnancy, child birth, feeding, toddler stage etc etc etc ?

Practical consideration - you know how badly sickness can affect you, sounds like he hasn't a clue.

Personally I'd put off the meet the family, think deeply about what you want to, and tell him before strangers get involved with your decisions about your body.

Thank you for some of the very measured and sensible replies.

It has become a sort of fantasy, I suppose. One that I don't want to end. I think I knew deep down I couldn't continue the pregnancy but just so wanted to :(

I'd really, really like to have this baby. But yea, it isn't the right choice for my current DC.

I think I will either terminate and say over text, or just say it was a non viable pregnancy, I had a bleed and there was an empty sac etc confirmed by dropping Hcg levels that it is all over

He doesn't need to know the truth. And yes, I know for a fact that terminating means just cutting ties as the whole thing will be really difficult fot me, and continuing to see him will be too hard

I'd really rather not confess to an actual termination and think that part is private and my own medical business.

I am incredibly upset about it though. But yes, people on here are right, it isn't the best choice for my DC

At the end of the day, I'd choose my daughter and my son over a pregnancy any day. As they're here and living. And thinking about it in the most simplist of ways, this isn't the right choice for them and it IS best I get rid

I agree it’s private. It really is.

I’m sorry you’re so upset by this but think it best you make your decision based on your existing children, as you say. All the best x

Why does he want you to have ‘his baby’, would he go for custody? Are you even a couple? Seems a lot of unknowns

my personal opinion is that this is the best decision.

I think you have got carried away with what this really is. It’s meant to be fun. You can relive your youth and think it’s a story of people being destined together. But it’s not. This is real life.

When he said ‘but it’s my baby please keep it’ did he think about or understand the impact on you or your kids?

OP in your shoes I would terminate. But your head and your heart are pulling in different directions.

I think you should speak to a counsellor before doing anything. Perhaps Marie Stopes or another family planning charity can put you in touch with someone.

I'd really, really like to have this baby.

Do you want a baby or this man?
Because it’s likely you can’t have both.

Take a few days to think about your choices and if you do decide to terminate then I would definitely say it wasn’t a viable pregnancy.
He doesn’t sound like the type to offer you support for a termination (and surely that’s all you need to know about this man).

If a baby is what you really want, then perhaps look into sperm donation.
There will be a lot less issues having a baby with an anonymous stranger than having one with someone you barely know but is involved and perhaps may make things difficult for you.

It sounds like you have a nice little family unit already and I personally wouldn’t want to do anything to disrupt it.