Will she know I am preggy? And would you go ahead?

[Maybeitismilkagain]

Seeing a guy I went to school with and just found out I am pregnant. About 5.5 weeks.

He works abroad sometimes in the middle east so I have only just told him. He was planning to pay me an evening visit and I t9ld him over text. I said I hadn't decided what to do. He says 'it's my baby. Please have it'

It is all very strange as it was a casual thing, in my mind. And now I am pregnant.

He wants me to meet his mum and dad for a roast, and his brother and partner who have 3 DC

He thinks it is a good idea to tell his mum and dad after I've met them. On his own. I have said that's a bad idea as she's a woman. She will know. I have horrific HG sickness that is only calmed down by medication

Personally, I've always guessed correctly when someone is pregnant but hasn't announced yet. Something about them gives it away.

Should I encourage him to just tell them and then meet with them?

The title is insp from his awful joke. He likes to say 'preggy, with a fertilised eggy'. And also likes to make references to that awful 'You're having my baby' song 😫

He doesn't know this but I haven't 100% decided if I want to continue with the pregnancy. I might not tell him if I do terminate, depending on how early the pregnancy is ended. Otherwise yes, I will have to say I am terminating

The thought of carrying his baby is thrilling. I always loved him when I was in my teens and was sad to break-up. He contacted me again when I was already married so never got round to a meet up. I now live 50 miles away from the area too. I posted some Instagram photos of myself a while back and he messaged me. It went from there

I have a gorgeous DS and DD from my previous marriage. Recently divorced (my children are 7 and 3). I am not sure if this suits them/would be too much of an inconvenience so I have yet to decide.

My son has special needs and is very easy going and oblivious to things like this. He would genuinely be fine. My DD would probably find it tough with a new baby. She is a total mummy's girl and likes having me to herself whenever she can

I am so so sorry for your loss. What an awful thing to go through. I know how reassuring it can be to look for patterns in these things, and find meaning in what are really cruel circumstances. That's normal. But you can't let it shape your decision. Maybe it would help to think of this as a crossroads you are at after what sounds like many very hard years. Your daughter hasn't sent you a baby, she's sent you (if it helps to think of it this way) an opportunity to pause and consider what's important.

Equally I think just because you have a long history with this guy and it would be lovely and tidy and vindicating to come full circle and have the happy-ever-after with him you might have dreamed of as a teen, it doesn't mean it's the right thing now. I mean it might be, he might be your great love, but it's too soon to say and this pregnancy should not be the decider. You've come so far, and been through so much: don't put yourself or your kids in a position that compromises what your future could look like. You have so many options right now and it's the moment to build a really rewarding, meaningful life for yourself and them. Don't get locked into a situation that your gut is already saying is not ideal.

preggy, with a fertilised eggy

Lord alive.

Not quite a coincidence if she took a test on the anniversary of her daughter's death. She could have waited until the next day. It is more like she wanted a "reason' to keep the baby.

Nope - I think that too! The whole thing is contradictory & makes no sense.

And the statement about not telling him if she terminates? That's out of order.

What an awful negative thread

Take time to think OP is all anyone not in your situation should be saying to you

Baby is a blessing regardless of sticky situation and as we all know life throws us curves balls and we make do with that season of life
Babies don't huge pricey items they need a loving home with 2 caring parents and if that's what you and your new bf can give then take each day slowly at a time

And as for it being a 'sign' finding out on the anniversary of her daughter's passing....yes I'd say it's a sign, a sign that her children have been through enough with divorce, her eldest child having additional needs and her youngest having attachment anxiety without suddenly throwing in a new sibling by a man they've never even met! It's awful that the OP lost a child but her existing children need her love, attention and care, not their mum getting swept up in a casual, teenage type romance. Termination should never be considered lightly but I can't see how this is going to work out as the happy ever after the OP seems to think it will.

I think I definitely want 'his' baby but need to explore some more as to why that actually is

It's your hormones. Humans are designed to want to find partners and have children.

I'd terminate and I'd tell him you miscarried. It's way too soon and too much for your other kids.
If you are destined to be together then why rush into having a kid. He hasn't even met your daughter. ☹️
He sounds childish.
Make sure you are more careful with birth control in future.

Can't get past the immaturity of either OP or the boyfriend tbh.

I wouldn't meet his family until I had thought very seriously and decided what to do. The man sounds like a complete idiot, and that would definitely influence my decision.

Babies are not always a blessing.

One of the parents lives in the Middle East and hasn’t suggested he’s giving that up.

I am really sorry about your loss.
But with two existing children to support, a very new casual relationship, and the fact you are currently flooded with pregnancy hormones, you need to think really carefully about the impact of your existing children and you here. Can you afford to be a single parent to 3 children? What if this baby has additional needs?
It's not a bad thing to want to protect the stability of your children's lives, it's an incredibly positive one. If you have a baby you would have to introduce this man in a HUGE way when you havnt actually been together that long, and yes everyone knows someone who it worked out for, but we all know plenty more people when it didn't, you need to think of your kids here.
And CRUCIALLY, do you think this man is going to be a good father, and I dont mean financially supportive and fun, I mean emotionally intelligent, patient, willing to learn rather than thinking he knows best, around for the bad boring and hard bits not just the good. Because ultimately you just don't know him well enough to judge this, so you would be taking a big risk on behalf of your child who will then have to deal with the consequences.

I doubt she would guess you’re pregnant, especially as she’s never met you before. What I mean by that is, I also have usually guessed when a fried is pregnant before they announce it, but it’s because I know them so well and noticed changes about them, like swerving social events with drinking, few days off work with an unexplained sickness etc etc. But I don’t think I would ever meet someone for the first time and just guess they were pregnant.
All that said, this may be the least of your worries though, sounds like you have a lot to think about. Good luck with everything, whatever you decide!

@Boater I do understand that but shaming OP about what has happened isn't giving her help
Alot of judgment and shame, which is known why to make someone feel more alone in a situation
OP is an adult and needs people to kindly say ot her is this a situation that u and your children will thrive in or struggle

Can be honest and not be so judgemental but seem alot people on MN are very good at the judgement part

How old are you both?
And how long have you been together?

This just seems way too intense.
You’ve not even met his family yet and you’re already having his baby (I know it wasn’t planned).

I can’t help but think he’s going to drop you and then you’ll be left on your own with 3 kids and even less chance to date in the future.

A baby does not make a relationship work.
It actually breaks many relationships and you’re not even in one yet.

If it was me, I would have a termination and if in 6-12 months time you and him are in a proper relationship, then consider TTC.

You need to decide if you want the baby first and how that would work out practically, especially with your partner's work situation. It doesn't seem like he's thought it through at all.
I was your daughter in this situation growing up and it is extremely difficult to adjust to so much change all at once. It's a difficult situation and I do really feel for you.

Honestly, Op you need to think about your existing kids?

You say just divorced? How long? How long since you split?

You have ended a relationship, gone through all that and now will be introducing a new man and a new baby in quick succession.

its a lot. And it’s ok with him saying stupid shit about being preggy. But this is going to fall to you mainly. Not him.

I honestly don't think it sounds like a good set-up. It's all just much too soon.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.

preggy with a fertilised eggy 🙄

what else would you be pregnant with?

What a bloody mess the pair of you have created. You both sound immature. I can't believe you are even considering bringing a child into your chaotic life.

100% this!

The whole thing sounds rather creepy and absolutely NOT putting the two children first.

@Maybeitismilkagain how did the pregnancy occur? Were you using contraception???

And what are the chance of thriving versus struggling?

I think you need to think about your current children. It’s quite likely you will end up a single parent to this new baby. How will that affect them?

This.
Also, how long have you actually been together? If he hasn’t met your children yet th It sounds like early days? You need to think about whether you can raise the baby alone (which is likely if he works overseas a lot).

Decide what you want and then involve everyone else. Definitely don’t meet his family yet.

So he's reawoken your teenage crush feelings (that's why you want to have his baaaaybeee).
But you are an adult now, with 2DCs, one of whom has SN.
And you think it would be a good idea to have a baby with your teen crush?

This is real life, not a film.
Real life will continue after the credits roll.
And it's very unlikely to be the fluffy soft focus that you want (I can see why you want that ending - divorce, single parenting, child with SN - it's hard! - why would you NOT want a big strong man to rescue you? - but, newsflash, it's not going to be with this bloke)

Please
Step away from your teen self
This has disaster all over it.

I agree!

I assumed they were both teenagers until I read that OP has kids already.

They both sound immature and this guy makes me cringe and I’ve never even met him!

His actions and his immature responses (not just the silly phrases but begging OP to keep it instead of having a mature discussion and telling her he’ll support her either way or discussing how he’s going to support her from a different country etc) tells me he is not someone you want to have a baby with.