Saying no to childcare in the holidays

[Aprilmaymum]

I today put my foot down and said no to my DSIL asking me to look after her three DC for two days next week. I have DC of my own and I am a full time mum while my DH works long hours. Last week I looked after my DN’s for two days. I I get my DSIL works and I am always happy to help but this is turning into more than the odd day. Of course my DBIL
has spoke to my DH about this and how disappointed he is etc etc. I don’t want to fall out but I feel enough is enough. I plan my DC activities in the holidays and next week two have swimming and one a drama group. this gives me a chance to catch up on jobs. So when DSIL asked me again and for three days I said no. It took me a lot to say no but now I feel
like a pig in the middle.
anyone else who is a full time mum feel like they are being took advantage of.

I would be raging about this. Like you've said no but the men have overruled you. Errr. I don't bloody think so!!!

They sound like entitled twats who like to bully, seeing as they’ll get the whole damn family involved. They need to sort their shit out.

... I'd add to that - sorry, it's your turn this week, I'll be dropping our children to you first thing Saturday and will pick them up Monday morning

Send them a link to sitters.co.uk; they are quite efficient helping in desperate childcare situations.

The cheek of them is legendary! Point it out every time, why haven't you sorted this out already? One of July will Have to take unpaid leave I'm afraid as I'm busy taking my own children to
Holiday clubs so they get some fun over the holidays.

Sounds as if she’s counted on the fact that you will feel guilted into complying - so much cheaper and easier than bothering to book and pay for holiday clubs.
If the MiL has the nerve to get involved, I’d ask why she can’t exert herself to help.
My dd organises holiday care for her 3 young dcs well in advance - holiday clubs plus a few days with me and dh thrown in.

It's completely up to you. You might not be in paid employment but guaranteed you work very hard. You shouldn't be at their beck and call imo.

This exactly

One of my strong memories of childhood is the number of children, most of whom we didn’t like very much, who would come over for the day ‘to play’. We never seemed to get invited back — not that we minded, given the aforementioned dislike. I was an adult before I discovered that the mothers of these children would just essentially dump them on my mother, and the weirdest thing was that some of them didn’t work, though she did — but as a teacher so obviously she needed something to occupy her during those long holidays. She actually took assertiveness classes for a while and then, thankfully, didn’t see those children again.

Haven’t RTFT but well done on saying no,
OP. It’s outrageous that they seem entitled to your help. For that alone it would be a no from me.

@DreamTheMoors I had something similar with a childhood friend who was a
single parent. I used to take her child overnight multiple times a week so she could work or party and she also dropped me when she got married 😬 I was very close to her child as well.

Sadly she was widowed very young and I think after that she wanted me to develop the same kind of relationship I had with her eldest, with her two younger kids that she had with her late husband. At the time of her partners death I sent my condolences and helped with funeral costs and sent gifts to the kids, but after that I kept my distance.

You’re not the fool, you were just being kind to your sister which is reasonable!

The men should be doing the childcare - your dh can look after the kids and so can your dbil. They work out of the home in paid employment but they can take time off to work unpaid doing childcare.

Unless I’ve missed something Her BiL may have been trying to “overrule” her but her husband didn’t . He’s backing her.

Op said :

My DH has no said to DBIL that he supports my decision and we are busy for the week.

YABU to say full time mum. Working mums are full time mums too… they’re not part time mums…

She’s only last minute stuck because SIL and BIL haven’t booked anything. They’re plan was to relay on you.

I would stop all childcare. How many times do they help you out?

This has been covered a number of times and OP apologised early in the thread. At least read OPs posts 🙄

OP's children are in clubs next week. Why the hell would she want to fill her precious free time during the holidays with someone else's kids?!

And also OP has said one of their children has expressed relief that his/her cousins won’t be coming over.

OMG this has been apologised for had you read the thread. Also she didn't say working mums were part time parents ffs, give over and stop being so precious

My DBIL has yet again text my DH about families helping out etc.

Do they also help you out? And if so, how often?

From your other replies it's clear that the situation you BIL and SIL are in is self-imposed. They could have organised something or chosen to shorter vacation to the US, but instead choose to rely on you for free childcare. That's on them.

My SIL, who I barely have a relationship with is a teacher, I have never asked her to have my kids and she has never offered. School holiday childcare is sorted well in advance. They are 100% CF, keep saying NO

YANBU OP.

Do you think she’s cheeky enough to turn up next week and try and drop the kids anyway, even though you’ve said no? She’ll know it’s much harder for you to say no if she arrives in person with her DC because of some completely made up emergency. Might be good to mentally prepare what you’ll do or say, so that you’re not blindsided.

@Aprilmaymum your are absolutely not being unreasonable. You already did them a big favour last week. You have your plans and it’s important that you have your time too. Out of interest do your sil or bil mind your kids or offer , I know that they work but what I mean is do they offer for a weekend so you and your dh could have a break ? I hate when it’s all one way . You have in fact minded their children and I’m guessing it isn’t the first time so they should offer to mind yours. Anyone saying families should help each other out , it should be two ways!!

If they have no other options due to their lack of planning they will need to use unpaid leave to look after their own children, and manage the financial hit.

That is what you have done full time in order to care for your children. They only need to do it during the holidays.

I don’t have much sympathy for them. We didn’t have family to help and managed to sort out childcare.

The only thing I would say is that although definitely CF, they might have assumed you would look after their children as you have done so before, so they may actually have nothing in place.

It’s still on them to sort out though, and maybe a lesson to other SAHM to just say no ( except for emergencies) from the outset

Yes, but the point is that the CF in this case has had oodles of time to sort out childcare - school holidays aren’t sprung on you last minute! - but couldn’t be bothered to book anything, and presumably didn’t want to pay for it, so was counting on the OP being guilted into filling the gap.

Helping out in a one-off emergency would be an entirely different matter.

Stand your ground op. Keep repeating “no”. Its good your DH is supporting you. Their month long holiday to US could have given them extra days to have off. Not your problem! Holiday clubs are available £25-£30 a day!!