Saying no to childcare in the holidays

[Aprilmaymum]

I today put my foot down and said no to my DSIL asking me to look after her three DC for two days next week. I have DC of my own and I am a full time mum while my DH works long hours. Last week I looked after my DN’s for two days. I I get my DSIL works and I am always happy to help but this is turning into more than the odd day. Of course my DBIL
has spoke to my DH about this and how disappointed he is etc etc. I don’t want to fall out but I feel enough is enough. I plan my DC activities in the holidays and next week two have swimming and one a drama group. this gives me a chance to catch up on jobs. So when DSIL asked me again and for three days I said no. It took me a lot to say no but now I feel
like a pig in the middle.
anyone else who is a full time mum feel like they are being took advantage of.

Nothing worse than being taken for granted. I bet they’ve said to all their pals, oh @Aprilmaymum will mind the kids. No problem! We won’t bother with any summer clubs either. No point when @Aprilmaymum can be called last minute to pick up any slack. We don’t even need to bother looking at our shifts and stuff. It’s great!!

So still has not managed to comprehend that YOU have plans, your children have plans and that it is not convenient for YOU.
Massively self centred- even if her children were crying (which I doubt) then I am sure their mummy could have explained that people can be busy and they could have some fun at a camp.

This preposterous woman just doesn't give up, does she?

I'd send the response a PP suggested above, to the tune that because of her current behaviour - her constant browbeating and dragging relatives into mix just because you've made alternative plans - she needn't trouble to ask in future as the default answer will be 'no'.

Block her if you have to. And if I were you I'd be out on the days concerned. I wouldn't put it past someone this persistent to dump her kids on your doorstep.

This is bordering on harrassment so block her if you have to. I know you don't want to offend her, but frankly, a falling-out is now inevitable no matter what you do. Might as well win your peace of mind and the sanctity of your own home into the bargain.

No, no, no. Your child has made it clear he needs quiet time and you still have plans to get things done. They're trying to squeeze out of you whatever they can.

OMG! More emotional blackmail! This woman has no shame!

"It's a shame you told them they'd be coming here before you checked we were free. The answer is no."

Childcare is exhausting. I have my granddaughter one day a week and I have agreed to do 2 separate weeks holiday care when she starts school in September. I do 2 separate holiday weeks for my older granddaughter who lives away so she stays the week. I'm.in my 60s now and just don't have much energy left for all.the dramas but they are my grandchildren and I love them, and it helps mum and dad a bit.
No way would I take on a bunch of someone else's kids for free, especially if it had been foisted upon me.
There does seem to be a lot of childcare CFery on mumsnet, especially around SAHMS and teachers, who these CF parents seem to think they have nothing else to but look after other people's kids for free 😡

Absolutely this, make it clear its her fault and the answer is still NO.

Classic move by your SIL, it's not for her, it's for the DC.

If this is all over WhatsApp, I would just archive your chat with her for a few days

OP you must let us know what happens tomorrow, if she rocks up with the kids!!

My DBIL has yet again text my DH about families helping out etc

Suggest to DH that the next time "D"BIL texts him he replies that family help needs to be reciprocal - so far it has all been the same way so it is no longer "being helpful" and more "being used".

She is trying to manipulate you by saying her children are crying. Be blunt wither her OP! I'd reply with a blunt "If your kids are crying. That's on you. Don't try and emotionally manipulate me. I told you I could not offer childcare in the first instance. You have continued to involve me, and family. For the final time, I am not in a position to offer childcare. Not even for a day.

Ah this is a common tactic! Shes tugging on the heart strings and using the kids as ammunition. Dont give in to all her “but they were looking forward to seeing their cousins” so shes told them they were coming- not your problem. “The kids are crying now YOUVE said no!” Wtf thats also not your problem. Say no and then no further texts. Otherwise youre making a rod for your own back. Absolute CF!

FFS

"They won't see their cousins anyway as they are at camp because I have plans, no I can't have them not even for one day"

Yes archive/mute it and step away from your phone. Dont respond for at least 12 hrs after any texts

Bloody cheek.

If you do agree to do one day, that rewards her stropping and emotional blackmail.

‘No, as I said-my kids are booked into clubs. Looking after 6 kids is just too much. Please don’t ask again.’

"sorry to hear your kids are upset about not seeing their cousins. I'm happy to drop my two over to spend the day at yours so that they can see each other."

How manipulative. It just strengthens your resolve to never look after the children ever again.

Ah yes, the good old "kids crying now" CF guilt trip attempt! That one's a classic.

They had smugly 'decided' that you were going to do childcare and that they were going to save £££s and now that's backfired, she's throwing a tantrum

If I assume she isn't talking out of her arse, and she really did tell her kids that you said no to having them, then she's an absolute dick. Firstly she should never had told the kids they'd be with you before asking you, and secondly who the fuck tells their kids "Auntie April said no to you visiting"? You would tell your kids that you messed up the dates and Auntie isn't free those days.

She's a nasty, manipulative sod. I would be telling her after her behaviour here, with the guilt trips, and trying to drag the rest of the family into it and cause drama, that she is never to expect child care from you again.

If you keep replying, she will keep arguing with you. Just stop replying entirely and ignore her.

nice emotional blackmail from SIL there.

I wouldn’t do any, if she’d asked and then been honest that she was stuck and hadn’t organised anything I might have agreed to a day.

Blackmail, dragging family in, being a general dick to get her way….no way would I give her any childcare.
Especially not at the expense of my children’s happiness and enjoyment.

basically this. she can hardly say no can she?