Saying no to childcare in the holidays

[Aprilmaymum]

I today put my foot down and said no to my DSIL asking me to look after her three DC for two days next week. I have DC of my own and I am a full time mum while my DH works long hours. Last week I looked after my DN’s for two days. I I get my DSIL works and I am always happy to help but this is turning into more than the odd day. Of course my DBIL
has spoke to my DH about this and how disappointed he is etc etc. I don’t want to fall out but I feel enough is enough. I plan my DC activities in the holidays and next week two have swimming and one a drama group. this gives me a chance to catch up on jobs. So when DSIL asked me again and for three days I said no. It took me a lot to say no but now I feel
like a pig in the middle.
anyone else who is a full time mum feel like they are being took advantage of.

Exactly, that’s a terrible idea especially considering one of OP kids has expressed relief that his cousins aren’t coming over to make noise basically!

Would be deeply unfair to upend their plans just for the sake of appeasing the in-laws who are clearly entitled. The worst thing you can do is negotiate with entitled people.

This “reciprocal” arrangement would overall not really benefit Op and realistically given they’ve never looked after her kids before it’s unlike they’ll start doing it now. So it’s best just to keep it simple and say no. That IS being reasonable.

Oh fgs did the pp even see the apology, those ranting how nasty she is responded with nastiness. The irony. Can’t. Be. Bothered.

🤣🤣

The level of angst in replies on here. Trying to pick an argument with someone you agree with.

Chill out.

No, stop trying to derail the thread, move on if this upsets you so much.

They've known since April then that they don't have the annual leave to cover the summer holiday, but have basically not bothered because they were relying on the fact that you'd pick up their slack. I would get your DH to reply to BIL if he asks again that their childcare issues are their own to solve and he's not to ask again.

OP, why did they spend a month in April in America knowing it would leave them short on annual leave for the summer? Was it some kind of family thing that came up or were they just quietly banking on you to cover without actually checking with you first ?

lol, ok 😂upset at what I ask myself, a silly response because someone has missed a point. No.

I felt bad for a pp who was upset at a phrase and the responses to her being upset…then along came you…and some other poster. Hope this clarifies my position for you. My brain has atrophied slightly after this pointless exchange. Christ sakes.

@Aprilmaymum have there been anymore texts or phone calls this morning from the in laws?

I hope they're not ruining your weekend with all this!

Not missing the point, it's highly annoying when people derail a thread. The comment you're defending has been deleted so move on.

OP stick to your guns!!
It seems to have reached the point that you may need to go NC for the holidays - end of!! No-one is listening to you and any responses you have made just heap more rubbish onto you.
So perhaps one more message copied to all the family who have felt the need to comment or put pressure on you -
Dear All, I have said No! Any further comment or pressure about this issue will be ignored until school restarts!!
Then just stick to it - ignore any texts or phone calls - enjoy your time with your family and do the jobs you planned to do. If you and your DH are united about this - there is nothing they can do.

Don't let them make you feel guilty for a second OP. Their work is not your responsibility and your time is not less valuable than theirs, or theirs to decide what you should be doing.

IMO you've been way too generous to date, another three kids on top of your own three is a lot. And the bloody cheek of PIL wading in. Let them step up then!!

I would just stand firm with saying 'that doesn't work for me'. No need to give any reasons or suggest clubs as that will just give them an in to argue or come up with excuses.

OP stand firm. I'm glad your DH is supporting you.

In the past I have been a pushover and I hate conflict so I get how hard it is. IF you want to try to nip any drama in the bud and keep the peace (no reason why you have to btw), you could call SIL and say along the lines of "Look, I am sorry but I can't take the kids on ad hoc days - I have plans. But I'd love to take them all out one day for a picnic/day trip - what's a good day for you?"

So offer up one day of helping out with a planned day that all DC will enjoy (on a day they don't have clubs) as a show of love and good will alongside a clear 'no' to the rest of the holiday.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I have text DSIL and my DH has spoke to his Dad this morning. Dad knew nothing of the situation only the fact that DBIL had spoke to him and said his wife was upset by me. As I said I get on really well with in-laws and they have now said they agree with me. DSIL has so far not responded

That’s good your FIL is backing you as well- as he should. Your BIL sounds a bit manipulative tbh!

I can’t imagine a situation where DB said in conversation to his dad, ‘X has really upset Y’ and the dad would text X to get involved rather than just replying, ‘oh no-what’s happened?’!?

What did you text to SIL, @Aprilmaymum ?

Well done OP - isn’t is interesting that when you say no to family member and then they complain about “families should support each other”, it’s always someone supporting them and they never offer any help in return?

Enjoy the rest of your summer!

Great news OP.

Good thing your FIL isn't trying to push this further and pile on any guilt. Not surprised he didn't know why though!

C'mon it was a complete overreaction by black sheep. No need to take her issues out on the OP who has apologises a few times now. It's obviously triggered you too. Sort your guilt out ladies. BTW I work full time myself and the term has not bothered me in the slightest

What did you say to SIL and has she responded. Neck on them!

When I was a sahm, it was amazing how many people thought I had become free childcare.

I didn't mind occasional times. I looked after friends kids when school closed suddenly for snow, or when the heating broke so school couldn't run, or when my sister wanted to have a day out with her husband, or when my friends mum (who was her childcare) had a heart attack and was in hospital for a week.

I refused to be constant childcare though, there are holiday clubs for that. Your SIL and BIL are unreasonable. Glad FIL is on your side.

Great response. It really is like handling a particularly stubborn and demanding toddler. No negotiation, no apologetic reasoning as to why you can't acquiesce to their request. Just 'no', and an assertion that owing to their present behaviour the answer to any future demands will also be 'no'.

Sends the perfect message that when you play shit games, you win shit prizes.

Great news but going forward I'd not be covering any childcare for them. Stick to your guns xx

Your SIL and BIL sound incredibly disorganised and entitled. Who waits until the last day of term to think about childcare ffs. Stick to your guns OP.

I have no family anywhere near to help with childcare, I’ve used clubs or annual leave. Tax free childcare vouchers can be used for SCL/Supercamps etc.

I hope your SIL finds this thread or the media pick up on it.