To think that men shouldn’t be in female changing rooms?

[Picoloangel]

I have a DD who is almost 13. Twice now in H and M we have been in the changing rooms in a branch in London and men have been in the changing rooms waiting for their girlfriends to try on clothes. I don’t mean outside I mean actually in the changing room sitting on a bench.

I am not sure when this became a thing but it makes me really uncomfortable to think that my young DD is in there in a state of undress with men sitting outside. Today she was trying on a swimsuit - the cubicle wasn’t big enough for both of us so she would have had to walk out to show me in full view of an adult male. She didn’t as she didn’t like it but that’s not the point. I know she’ll be in a swimsuit on holiday but this felt different.

The cubicles have these half doors so in theory someone could look over the door. Am I being a pearl clutcher or is this weird? It worries me now that she is starting to go shopping on her own.

And men in knicker departments, why won’t they just piss off 😂

YABU. What exactly is the issue?

Can she shut the door or a curtain? Yes? Excellent, no issue. If not, find another cubicle and complain about the first one.

You can complain to H&M but they will take no notice. I'd just boycott them from now on with your daughter.

No, not new to Mumsnet but I guess DD has only recently started shopping in the women’s section as opposed to the kids. I just feel it’s wrong.

There are doors in the cubicles. What's the problem? What do you think is actually going to happen?
When she shops by herself she won't have to come out to show anyone anything. Even less worrying.

It's not just H&M it happens in though, I had a similar experience in New Look recently. Teenage DD was trying on clothes in the cubicle when a couple came in, the woman went in her own cubicle to try on clothes while the man sat on the bench in the middle of the changing room and waited. I did feel it was a bit inappropriate, they don't even sell mens clothing so there's no need for a man to be in there.

I’m just really surprised. I do most of my shopping online so this has never been on my radar. This was not a thing when I was clothes shopping - men often sat on a chair outside or just stood nearby. It happened in H and M a few months ago and I assumed it was a one off but it happened again yesterday.

I find it so odd that adult males would want to be around v young girls apart from the obvious reason- it’s really inappropriate. These are not unisex or single space changing rooms they are female only changing rooms.

A different debate but I’m also really shocked by how adult men react to her now and openly stare at her. I suspect this is part of my discomfort. She’s 12!

They don't want to be around very young girls. They are there waiting for their girlfriends. It sounds as though you are accusing them of loitering in changing rooms to prey on young girls. The truth is probably that their girlfriends asked them to be there to get their opinion on an outfit and most would rather be at a pub.
I went to changing rooms with my partner many times and, I assure you, I was not there for the young boys or to peer over a cubicle door. I was there to help my boyfriend pick an outfit.

I wouldn't like it OP. I sat on a bench at the entrance to a men's fitting room while my ds was trying on school uniform, even though I was not in sight of the cubicles I turned my body to face out into the shop. That's showing respect to the men in there trying clothes.

Although it was really awkward trying to talk with my 13 year old about period knickers and bras with a man hanging around. She was so embarrassed.

Yeah not on, wait outside, I always just nip outside if I want to show DH something (which I generally don’t bother with). It would be extremely unfair to other women. I wait outside the mens and also make a point of not looking through the door in case I make any men feel uncomfortable.

The staff should be ushering them outside. If their partners want to show them what they are trying on, they should leave the changing room and go and show them. There is no need to have men sitting near the cubicles.

“the cubicle wasn’t big enough for both of us so she would have had to walk out to show me in full view of an adult male”

“The cubicles have these half doors so in theory someone could look over the door.”

If your DD didn’t want to step out could you not just look over the door?

I often want to get DPs opinion when I try on clothes. So he waits out on the shop floor with all the other men also waiting for females, and I walk out to the entrance of the changing room. Neither he nor I have ever considered him coming into the women's changing area, because he's a man.

The thing is these are female changing rooms. Even if some females don’t mind men in there it should not be allowed so that every woman feels comfortable.
The boyfriends can easily wait outside. If it is so imperative that the girlfriend shows him herself in the dress or whatever before purchase she can take a photo whilst in the cubicle and send it to him.

They’re waiting for their girlfriends? Wouldn’t be overly worried.

If there is a door, I don’t see the problem. I think staff should keep an eye for loitering but husbands/bf are not loitering though.

Of course they shouldn’t be there. But remember, what men want is more important than women and their privacy.

of course you're not being unreasonable. They are changing rooms for women and girls, therefore there should be no men at all in there.

There are many reason why this will make women uncomfortable...if their girlfriends or wife's want to show the clothes to their men, they can stand at the door of the changing room...

Good men stay out so bad man don't get in.

Be passive aggressive. 'The mens is over there my lovely, this is the ladies. Oh you're waiting for someone? Out there is a good place to wait, this is a ladies changing room. I'm sure you understand and wouldn't want your young daughter changing in a room with strange men either.'

All said in chatty voice with big smile. Most will be embarrassed and head off. The more argumentative ones usually cave when you mention their own daughters and get the point.

I sympathise with you OP. That central area is to come out into, and to look into a mirror from a distance. It is not for men.

Men Should wait outside the changing room and be shown the clothes by their girlfriend or wife in the outside area.