To think that men shouldn’t be in female changing rooms?

[Picoloangel]

I have a DD who is almost 13. Twice now in H and M we have been in the changing rooms in a branch in London and men have been in the changing rooms waiting for their girlfriends to try on clothes. I don’t mean outside I mean actually in the changing room sitting on a bench.

I am not sure when this became a thing but it makes me really uncomfortable to think that my young DD is in there in a state of undress with men sitting outside. Today she was trying on a swimsuit - the cubicle wasn’t big enough for both of us so she would have had to walk out to show me in full view of an adult male. She didn’t as she didn’t like it but that’s not the point. I know she’ll be in a swimsuit on holiday but this felt different.

The cubicles have these half doors so in theory someone could look over the door. Am I being a pearl clutcher or is this weird? It worries me now that she is starting to go shopping on her own.

This is why I haven't used a shop changing room in over 15 years and try on clothes at home then return if I have to but it's not ideal.

If I went into a female changing room in a shop and there were men in there I'd immediately leave!

I don't care if they 'just want a sit down' go and sit on a bench outside then!!

I'm sorry. I know that on holiday everyone will see me in my swimming costume.
But do I want to come out of a fitting room in a swimming costume I'm trying out and be greeted by some bloke sat on the bench, within the confines of the full length mirror zone while I view myself?
Of course not.
How bizarre.
It's a private women's only space, surely?!

I agree OP.
I would even question why a man would even choose to sit in a women’s changing room? If his female partner is trying on clothes he can wait outside and view the outfits there.
Any of the men in my family or acquaintance would flatly refuse for fear of embarrassing women who were undressed and trying on clothes.

Leaving aside the ones with curtains that have gaps, many have doors that are quite low. As a 6 ft tall woman, I could easily look into cubicles if I wanted to, even standing well back, with enough plausible deniability to say it was a mistake. Many, many men are tall enough to do this, even accidentally. When I change, the doors in most rooms don’t cover my chest high enough. I certainly don’t want men in there.

My DH said exactly the same thing and I know my male relatives would not want to go into a changing room because they would be embarrassed and would not want to embarrass any women.

I suspect the get out of jail card is what a PP has said; we now only have changing rooms
not men’s and women’s’ changing rooms. That said there are 2 sets of changing rooms, one in the area where the female clothing is and another where the male is.

This is exactly what I was thinking today. The cubicle doors are a little over a third of the doorway so you can see above for taller people.

I've been shopping with teen DD a few times recently and have noticed this and was really surprised. I get claustrophobic so spend as little time in the cubicle as I can and, as soon as I am decent in something I am trying on, open the curtain and step into the bigger space. This also means I get to see myself in the bigger mirrors they usually have out there, can discuss with the shop assistant whether a size up/size down might be a better fit and can gather the views of the other women in the changing room who will often say whether you look particularly good in something or if something is unflattering. I can't do this if there are random men in there hanging around.
I also find it disheartening that the woman they are with is then dependent on the male to tell her whether she looks good in something or not and her might have his own agenda in the opinion he gives. I want my DD to dress for herself and to have the support of the sisterhood of random women in the changing room, not to rely on a boyfriend for his views.

OP do complain. You are right to be concerned. When your gut instinct is revulsion - follow it.

My local M&S had a sort of ante room outside the bra fitting rooms and it had 5 chairs. Always full of men waiting for women - so you queue holding all your lingerie in front of random men. No thanks. I hated it and don’t shop there but went with DD when she needed her 1st bra. Thank god we didn’t have to queue with them. She was mortified enough.

I commented to the manager and wrote an email. Returned 5 weeks later. The chairs had gone. I mentioned it to a staff member and she said customers had commented and written and the chairs were moved and staff hugely appreciated it as they hated it too.

We are not powerless.

Yep.
Why does any man need to be inside a woman's changing room?

Often woman's toilets will have this sign.... I assume to warn the proportion of women and girls (of I am one) that there is a man in their private space and to make adjust (if needed).

I don't mind male cleaners in the loos, I get a heads they are there, they are there for a legitimate reason, they hopefully are less unlikely to anything pervy as they are easily identified and could lose their jobs.

I don't want to see random husbands, boyfriends etc there.

But m and s allow anyone in any changing room. So men can and do go in the bra section change rooms at m and s , bravissimo, all the others, I dont think any are single sex any more and havent been for years. So I dont know why you think getting chairs removed is some great feat.

I thought more and more changing rooms were unisex, not just allowing men in to women's chango rooms. It wouldn't bother me - if they are mostly there with their girlfriends what do you think is going to happen?

I agree with you OP.

I do wonder though if a small proportion of men who are there is because they want to stop other men 'accidentally' going into their wife/girlfriend's changing room.

You are right. Context matters yet you have provided a bunch of ‘what ifs’ that didn’t happen in the original narrative.
but what we know to be true is that swimwear worn at a pool, beach etc will be seen by others using the facilities

Because it made a difference to my little girl.

Don’t trouble yourself about me making a difference. I am regional Chair of a Union, I sit on 3 diversity committees, I am an active member of the WRN, I am writing, lobbying, campaigning in my free time. I am all over this.

Getting chairs moved out of a women’s changing room, thus stopping men waiting there is a victory for me. They come few and far between so we have to claim every one. Now you, if you want to, can go into your M&S and say ‘hey, this has stopped happening in other stores and I want to stop here too’

Y’know. If you want to.

I think that the OP is worried about something happening that we have been assured not only won’t happen but can’t happen.
It may take some time for women to believe this.

YANBU OP. But the menz yunno…..

I'm an online shopper so not overly familiar with the set ups, so what's the need for having any seating at all in the changing room area? Why can't whoever you're with just wait outside the changing room irrespective of being a man or woman?

Pervs gotta perv

A woman took her partner and son into a cubicle in Next recently
Must have been a bit of a crush in there

I don’t like it either. My Uniqlo store had mixed changed rooms where everyone got a private cubicle but they were for men and women. I haven’t been back there. I just get a tiny bit extra anxious when men are around somewhere where I’m changing clothes

I'm pretty sure those men are only there at their wive's and girlfriend's request, not because they particularly want to be. So blame their female partners. Or are you suggesting it's single men walking into the changing area by themselves just to loiter around? Paranoid muchly?

Oh grow up

Sigh, it makes no difference. Men of any gender are allowed in what was previously single sex women only spaces. This has been so for many years now.
Primark
M and s
Topshop
Urban outfitters
H&m
New look
Whistles
Hobbs
Bravissimo
Boux Avenue
Ann summers
Victoria's secret
The list just goes on.
I've tried to find the original thread but it was before fwr was split sometime so I'm having no success. If someone else has it? Or knows where to look?

Men can gather clothes just like women can and take them to try on in any change room they feel most at home in. Also women can do the same, you can if you prefer use what used to be the mens room. Same with toilets, same with swim or gym changing rooms (bannatyne's being the exception)
Rape crisis centres (Beiras place a standout exception) hospital wards, fucking prisons.

And for the record I have been trying to stop this shite from happening since about 2003. Hth.

of course it’s wrong. Women should be able to go into changing rooms and wander around to look at mirrors from a distance to check fit etc without men.

even among all these so innocent upstanding boyfriends who don’t really want to be there, there will be grim pervs ogling.

Lots of cool girls on here

its just sooo pearl clutching to be concerned about male sexual harassment.