To think she's gearing up to cancel?

[SunflowerMabel]

Last year the mum of my DC's friend kindly offered for her to join them on a mini break they had planned this year. I paid for her share of the accommodation and food (around £300)

Getting together has been a bit more tricky since they started (different) schools but we generally met up once a month or so.

So, they are due to go on on this mini break on Monday and I haven't heard back from mum. I text last weekend suggesting we meet up for lunch/an activity and asked for confirmation RE what time they'd be leaving to get to the destination etc and I haven't heard anything back at all.

She has been active on social media. I don't want to pester her but I'm getting a bit concerned that there's a cancellation coming. Surely there would be some contact by now if it was going ahead?

AIBU/WWYD?

Contrary to all the posters advising to call, in this situation I would absolutely text.

I would be saying something like “Just wanted to check in about the trip next weekend, if you are having second thoughts about taking DD that’s totally fine, appreciate they are very young still! We are flexible so just let me know what you’d like to do or we can chat by phone”

This way you have given her an out if she wants one, she can think about it and call/text you knowing you’re flexible. Whereas if you call her she is put on the spot.

Not really nice to be name calling.
OP had been humble and regretful in her texts needing advice not abuse.
Must be nice to be a perfect parent!!

I'm not remotely defensive about you or anybody else expressing the opinion that it's a poor parenting choice to send her. I can understand that.

What got my back up is the accusation that I'm shipping her off because I'm not coping with my disabled child. Why would you say that when there is nothing to indicate anything of the sort?

It's very weird that she hasn't responded to you - even if she couldn't answer the phone you'd think she could manage a message saying 'can't talk right now, call back in a bit.' If she's not going to answer I'd be tempted to call round at her house when you know she's there. It's not as if you're being unreasonable - you've tried to contact her, it's quite a big thing for the children, and you've paid her £300. Paying £300 means she has no choice but to speak to you about it.

I don't think it's bad for your daughter to go away with someone else at 5 years old. It's up to you to make the call whether or not she is up for this. If she's had sleepovers and enjoyed them, that's a good sign. My youngest hated sleepovers and got anxiety in the middle of the night and so it would have been tricky. But we all want them to have nice experiences and since you say you can collect her, it's worth trying. You could even go up there and spend some time with them perhaps? And you can make plans so that she can call you? My children are older but I would have let them go and just dealt with any issues as they came.

Of course, that doesn't help with the present problem. What did your message say? I'd send a more urgent one saying really need to confirm details of the trip as it's so close, hope everything is ok as I can't get through to you. If still no response you'll have to go to her house, as she does have your money!

Yes! That was me!

I was humming and ahhing about it even back then.

And the original plan was that you'd go too? Which leads me to think she doesn't want to take your DD on her own but doesn't know how to tell you... I'd contact her and be honest. She will almost certainly be relieved!

I’m sorry you are getting grief off some people OP. I think it’s a lovely thing both you and your friend are trying to do for your daughter and am keeping my fingers crossed that everything works out for you.

I wonder if this mum is not answering you because you’ve asked about details in your first message but she hasn’t worked them out yet. It’s no good, absolutely not, and does put her in a different light but it’s still might be ok eventually. She might be somewhere else until today evening. Some people are very easy going in terms of travel and packing.
I would text her and put plainly that you are really worried about no response from her.

OP's child isn't too young to go away with family or friends if everyone is happy about it. I certainly wasn't at that age, and nor were most of my friends. It gives countless children opportunities to do things they otherwise couldn't do and is frequently better than just sitting at home because parents work/have other responsibilities/no money to do things/etc.

What got my back up is the accusation that I'm shipping her off because I'm not coping with my disabled child. Why would you say that when there is nothing to indicate anything of the sort?

Plenty to indicate that and honestly, I don't know anyone who truly copes with their disabled children - it's great to have a break whether it's from them so you can be 'normal' and not high maintenance for a little while or to send the neurotypical child off somewhere so you aren't feeling guilty about them missing out and having to cope with a disabled sibling all the bloody time.
My own DD is going away for a week next week . Difference is, she's going to my parents. And she's not 5. And my parents will happily pick up the phone and keep me informed as much as needed.

The scary part about all of this is you've had an inital thread asking should you even do it - resounding 'NO" you shouldn't.

Now you're posting and again ignoring feedback. And ignoring your own gut instinct, which is there for a reason.

Don't wait. Cancel it yourself on the grounds she doesn't respond to you and you don't feel 100% confident you will be able to relax whilst she's away. I wouldn't even be arsed about the £300 at this point. You're in danger of being in the papers for '5 year old child goes missing whilst on holiday with schoolfriend' territory. Christ, even my gut instinct is screaming don't send her and I don't even know you!

Have you actually rung her yet @SunflowerMabel ??? The hours are ticking by. Today is almost half over!

That's not the point. The point is that it's not " too young" for kids to go away at that age as some of the posters on here are bleating about.

The lack of contact is a different matter and very rude

And this is a genuine question to anyone else this applies to...

What on earth is with this , I'm not ringing them, generation? When did this start?

Just pick the goddamn phone up like an adult and communicate.

Actually thinking about it, 15 years ago I worked as a manager and had quite a few 16/17yr olds working for me. When they phoned in sick, they got their Mums to ring. Erm, excuse me, you don't work for me, your 16 yr old does, put them on the phone. I starting to realise these 16/17 yr olds are now all grown ass women incapable of communicating properly!

Same silly women who send a messenger on FB to say I"m outside. I love replying with, Well knock on the door then and I will answer it.

But it's not been a resounding no, far from it and you're being beyond hysterical.

@despiteappearance ok apologies I didn't mean you're 'trolling' in the sense that you're making anything up - but you're just jibing at the OP and being unpleasant and unhelpful.

It's very bizarre that this mum is blanking you despite having booked a holiday for a few days time and taking your child. Could it be that something serious has happened in her life and this holiday is no longer in her immediate thoughts? Or is she really so mean that she's decided to cut you out and just doesn't have the guts to be straight about it? No one is just too busy to not drop a text with updates etc. whatever the reason OP I do think the best thing to do is make the decision yourself that your daughter isn't going and take all this wondering and worry away. I hope you're okay. Some of the messages on here have been pretty brutal and not necessary.

Quite. Also, anecdotes are less than helpful in this instance.