To think she's gearing up to cancel?

[SunflowerMabel]

Last year the mum of my DC's friend kindly offered for her to join them on a mini break they had planned this year. I paid for her share of the accommodation and food (around £300)

Getting together has been a bit more tricky since they started (different) schools but we generally met up once a month or so.

So, they are due to go on on this mini break on Monday and I haven't heard back from mum. I text last weekend suggesting we meet up for lunch/an activity and asked for confirmation RE what time they'd be leaving to get to the destination etc and I haven't heard anything back at all.

She has been active on social media. I don't want to pester her but I'm getting a bit concerned that there's a cancellation coming. Surely there would be some contact by now if it was going ahead?

AIBU/WWYD?

So, you were willing to let your 5yo go away with a woman with whom you just have a whatsapp relationship and do not feel you know well enough to phone her?

I’m an over anxious person and experienced CSA so am probably OTT, but I never allowed my children to do sleep-overs until they were 6 or 7 and only with people who I knew very, very well (and their partners…). Holidays away were only done within a school setting , I think those started with 1-2 nights at the age of 7/8 and built up to 10 days at GCSE age.

So…. I am not sure that I’d be countenancing letting my child go away with someone who is not a close friend and does not reply to messages - or that I feel I am ‘pestering’ when they do not reply.

I’d be asking for my money back and parking this as an unwise idea not to be repeated.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a 5 year old going away with another family if everyone is on board and happy. The child needs to be very comfortable.
If it were my child I would want to know that family inside out though which doesn't seem to be quite the situation here.

I would not be sending my very young child on a trip with a woman that I’m too anxious to phone. Yes I know you’ve “tried” to call her now but it still doesn’t feel right, does it? How many times did you let the phone ring? Twice?

Sorry OP, I’m being a bit mean there but you honestly don’t sound ok with this.

Text her and say you've been trying to get in touch to discuss arrangements for the holiday, which your daughter is looking forward to.

I wonder if she could be avoiding you because she thinks YOU might cancel and want the money back?

You need to calm down.

It was never about packing her off because I'm struggling with my special needs child. Why did you make that up?

What I actually said, as you know because you read it, was that I thought it would be good for her to get to go and experience something that she otherwise wouldn't get to do.

If you have a SN child yourself you'll presumably know how that has an impact on siblings. Can you not see how important it is for those siblings to get to lead as 'normal' a life as possible as they are already missing out on so much?

I have never shipped my children off to anybody because of an inability to cope, thanks.

If you phone her she might panic and finally text back 😂

Well said OP.

*universe obviously (got to love autocorrect!)

I have to admit I was surprised when you said a reception child. My 5yo is happy to spend time with grandparents but even then I’m not 100% sure she won’t have a wobble. I think you have been a little ambitious going for that length of time with a family you don’t know so well.

I can’t imagine offering to take away someone else’s 5yo but if I was, I’d absolutely be confirming arrangements and getting everything sorted and clear well before going so your friend is being a bit off by not replying. You shouldn’t be writing off the £300 if it doesn’t happen for any reason. That is a lot.

@SunflowerMabel

I know it's been said already, but I agree that you should phone her. Why does no-one ever want to pick up the phone these days? Moreso millennials and Gen Z! My DC generation (born 1990s and later) will whatsapp and text people til they're blue in the face, but would rather cut off their own arm than pick up the phone and actually ring someone, and SPEAK to them.

I even occasionally see my DDs pass people in the street who are friends, or colleagues, and they just half smile and walk away as quickly as possible. Yet they are chatting non-stop over whatsapp! It's like they have forgotten how to speak to each other unless they are at work together, or socialising with others together. LOADS of young people (mostly 39 and under) who I know, do the same.

Also, whilst £300 may seem a bit much to pay for a 5-6 year old child, I think a lot of people are underestimating the price of holidays and trips within the UK. They can cost several thousand £££. The other parent will be looking after the OP's child for potentially a week, and feeding her and entertaining her. Even if the mini-break is say, 3-4 days, it could still cost a £700-900. Even much more ... Depending on what it is, and where it is of course.

Thank you, this is definitely pause for thought.

I am prone to RSD, worrying and thinking the worst!

What?!

If you know and trust her, then I'm sure the holiday will be fine. I wouldn't cancel it. However if she doesn't contact you by the week before, then I'd assume it's off.

I absolutely do, and I know how it's very tempting to treat any ND child as older than they are. She's 5. You give her one - to -one special time in a different way. I stand by what I wrote and I'm not the only one shocked at someone who would seemingly happily agree for their very young child to go away, not for a night or a day trip, but for a week with a school mum who doesn't even respond to messages.

I don't need to calm down. You need to reassess what you were thinking. In theory a week with a close family member would be brilliant for her and yes, give her opportunities she might otherwise not get. But this isn't that.

This woman is effectively a stranger to you.

Don't get defensive because I'm telling you it's a poor parenting choice. It is and deep down I think you know that. Cancel it. At best your child will have a great time but will be completely uncontactable for the entire week as the Mum is flakey af. At worst, christ, doesn't bear thinking about.

Sadly some people do need telling.

Hang on didn't you post about this before ages ago, when the mum was pressuring you to decide and pay up immediately because of the discount if she booked while she was still there? And loads of posters advised against it?

They are meant to go Monday

Withhold your number

It isn't just a WhatsApp relationship. We've known one another for about 2.5 years. There has been sleep overs, dozens of days out together and on several occasions she has taken DD out without me (chessington a couple of months ago being the most recent time - I was working and she offered to take her as her DD wanted mine to come)

For what it's worth me and my oldest friends (of 20 odd years) don't even call one another. I don't think that's a reflection of how trustworthy somebody is. Most people from my generation and afterwards prefer to text rather than call.

However, I did call her.

OP it sounds fine to me - she’s not some random woman! From what’ve you’ve said you do know her, meet fairly regularly, have had sleepovers. She sounds like a good friend and maybe she’s been exceptionally busy recently? You did talk about the trip quite recently?