To think she's gearing up to cancel?

[SunflowerMabel]

Last year the mum of my DC's friend kindly offered for her to join them on a mini break they had planned this year. I paid for her share of the accommodation and food (around £300)

Getting together has been a bit more tricky since they started (different) schools but we generally met up once a month or so.

So, they are due to go on on this mini break on Monday and I haven't heard back from mum. I text last weekend suggesting we meet up for lunch/an activity and asked for confirmation RE what time they'd be leaving to get to the destination etc and I haven't heard anything back at all.

She has been active on social media. I don't want to pester her but I'm getting a bit concerned that there's a cancellation coming. Surely there would be some contact by now if it was going ahead?

AIBU/WWYD?

Perfect

Perf

I think your friend is burying her head in the sand out of embarrassment about a change of plans to be honest. If she still is happy to take her, I'd be really concerned as her mum about what that time away would be like for her. 5 is incredibly young to be away from home.

This is crazy people should take a test before having or being responsible for children

Great message OP. The fact she’s been on social media but hasn’t replied to your last message or answered your calls would tell me everything I need to know and I would not want this person to take my child away on holiday. If someone else was taking my 5 year old away for a week I’d want daily contact and updates. This does not bode well. I feel for your daughter but I’m really hoping that you hear from your “friend” soon and she cancels and gives you your money back.

I have known her for years and spent lots of time with her, she isn't a stranger. She works for the police for god sake. Get a grip of yourself.

OP it sounds like she used the ‘hurry hurry buy now’ tactic to get you to act against your instincts. Similar to a Curry’s advert where they use loads of exclamation marks saying ‘sale ends midnight!’

She knew you had your hands full so took advantage of that. I feel she’s used your money to pay for her holiday. I also suspect she’s keeping quiet in the hope you’ll fold and say DD no longer going. Then she can say it’s too close to date to get a refund.

All sound suspect.

@ShillyShallySherbet that's a good point. The parent isn't going to keep in contact with OP is she even if she does take dd away.

Motherland might have been talking about you OP?

Can you send her a new message OP. Tell her there are countless posters (me) who can't get on with their day until you get a proper answer.

Side note op. Is your daughter supported by your local young carers? I empathise so much with what you say about her missing out on these things as she has a disabled sibling. My child in this situation did a 3 night trip with young Carer's and absolutely loved it. They wouldn't even take any money I had to nag to say well how do I donate to the charity in general then?!

When she has had DD before she has sent updates and pictures so I don't think that would be a problem if/when they were there.

If she does back out id give her a swerve from now on. It's incredibly rude to drop someone in the shit last minute like that.

OP - we all have made decisions we regret later, if your gut is telling you your DD should go, then send her if that is still an option. Hopefully mum will call soon so your mind can be settled.

She isn't no but coincidentally I was reading about young carers last week. There was a poster up at the train station and I took a picture to show OH. I will reach out to them, they do sound great 🙂

It’s just so strange OP isn’t it, this seems totally out of character. I completely understand why you’ve thought this would be ok up until recently and it’s only due to no contact from her that it suddenly doesn’t seem such a good idea. I hope there’s a good explanation when/if she does get in touch. Even if you don’t want your DD to go I think you should keep communicating with her as if you’re of the impression she is going, to the point of tomorrow evening messaging saying “I haven’t heard from you but I’ll drop DD over at 9am tomorrow with all her stuff”. Then just turn up yourself and ask for your money back then take your daughter somewhere special for the day.

Indeed

Good message OP.

If she works for the police is she busy in shift work or overtime? The police are under a LOT of pressure atm.

Not too busy to post on social media though…

Unless this is tongue in cheek? What’s the motherland reference?

F

@ShillyShallySherbet I was quoting Motherland2624

I think you’ve had enough of a bashing op, fwiw I’ve been in your shoes. I have a 6 year old and a very medically complex 2 year old, my 6 year old had her life turned upside down when ds arrived. She has missed out on so much. For extended hospital periods I initially tried to keep her busy, planned lots of trips and play dates with friends, I thought it would be good for her, it wasn’t she hates it and didn’t cope at all. She wanted to stay at home while dh worked from home and she stayed with him playing at home. It made her feel more secure. Your dd may be different I don’t know, but all I’m saying is don’t assume that because life is compromised at home it would be better/more enjoyable for her to go away. She may think she’s excited but actually struggle with the length of time away. If you can get the money back can you plan things to do as a family/you and her special afternoon or something? I totally get the guilt of the non special needs sibling missing out.

Oh right, sorry I didn’t read the username and thought something like this happened in motherland! I was thinking oh I missed that episode!

I think OPs response was appropriate whether @Motherland2624 was talking about her or the other parent, for what it’s worth.

Op, I think you've gotten a lot of stick here about not picking up the phone. Many of us with ADHD or other mental disorders have a very difficult time with phone conversations. I would much rather text or email than do a phone thing

I think your friend is taking the piss by not answering your texts though. You are a day and a half out from the trip and need to organisé packing for your child if things are going through.

I hope she answers you soon.

I had one very outgoing child who would have been perfectly happy going on a vacation with her friend and friends family. My other two would have been most unhappy. You know your daughter best.

So how would this test of suitability for being a mother/father work then?

Would everyone need to have it? If deemed unsuitable, what then?

Castration? Sterilisation?