To think she's gearing up to cancel?

[SunflowerMabel]

Last year the mum of my DC's friend kindly offered for her to join them on a mini break they had planned this year. I paid for her share of the accommodation and food (around £300)

Getting together has been a bit more tricky since they started (different) schools but we generally met up once a month or so.

So, they are due to go on on this mini break on Monday and I haven't heard back from mum. I text last weekend suggesting we meet up for lunch/an activity and asked for confirmation RE what time they'd be leaving to get to the destination etc and I haven't heard anything back at all.

She has been active on social media. I don't want to pester her but I'm getting a bit concerned that there's a cancellation coming. Surely there would be some contact by now if it was going ahead?

AIBU/WWYD?

So you've paid her the money, you're due to go on Monday, and she hasn't contacted you to agree details? It doesn't sound good to me! Has she perhaps 'forgotten' you've paid her?

I personally think it’s a little bit different. There are swimming pools and water parks and lots of strangers. And a sleepover only requires the mum to supervise for one night. This is a week when she’s also in theory trying to relax. I’d understand if she was having second thoughts.

But it’s not poor parenting on IP’s part; I can see why she thought it would be beneficial for her dd. Just that I also get that last minute the practicalities might be sinking in.

We went away with friends a couple of times and a year out you just think about long evenings chatting under the stars. Then when they phone and start to detail the tins of tuna they are bringing which they thought would be good for one meal ( nothing wrong with that btw, just not what I’d choose), you suddenly realise there is more involved than the movie worthy moments

Hm, I wouldn't send my girls off with another family that I didn't feel confident enough with to pick up the phone. They are 7 and 9.

But we all make different calls and I understand how easy it is to feel railroaded into something you aren't totally comfortable with. I've had to really toughen up when it comes to my girls and it's hard when you have different boundaries from their friends' parents.

Personally, I'd probably say look, given you're clearly avoiding me at this point, shall we just agree it was a stupid idea and you give me the money back and we'll say no more about it..? Or something along those lines. Just be blunt. She's clearly ignoring you for a reason.

No….

But I was referring more to the fact that some posters are suggesting if was terrible parenting to agree to it in the first place. I think it all depends on how well you know someone.

Yes I suspect she doesn't want DD to go, but equally doesn't want to give you back the £300. She is probably hoping to claim that you never got back in touch with her to finalise arrangements."
I would send a clear message on text and whatsapp "Hi just checking what the arrangements are for the holiday on Monday. Getting a bit concerned as I haven't heard from you so please let me know."

This is a very unpleasant thread.

Hope you get something sorted OP.

I honestly think that message will just catapult it into full scale argument - which OP seems to want to avoid.

How about just “ I’ve had trouble reaching you and I’m wondering if you are having second thoughts. If so please get in touch so we can discuss.”

I wouldn’t mention the money at this point as you want to flush her out first. The last thing you want is her taking DD under sufferance because she’s not going to surrender the money. Find out how she’s feeling then fight the money thing thereafter.

This is very odd indeed, especially given she is meant to be going away on Monday. Would you even have time to get organised for her to be going away for a week? Bad form unless there are some extenuating circumstances you are unaware of even then a quick text to explain only takes a minute.

Suggest you keep calling throughout today, did you leave a VM earlier? If no answer by this evening, text to say you're unclear why but it's clear your DD won't be going on the trip now and simply ask her to return your money. Then, why don't you and DD do something together?

I agree - very odd of her not to have contacted you about arrangements - sounds like she’s avoiding for some reason.

Hope she returns your money and you can use it to do some fun stuff with your DC.

Well did you have the operation? Are you in a position to go? Could you book your own caravan and join her? Then she won't be without you for so long.

I think you should still send her if alls ok. As you say, you are only an hour away on the train and you can pick her up. It’s not as if she’s not used to sleepovers, days out etc with them.

However you do need to communicate honestly to see whether she’s still wanted. It’s bad form to leave it so late to tell you, if she’s not going.

I've sent a follow up text, I won't mention the money yet as I don't want to influence her response or as PP said - make her feel she needs to take DD in sufferance.

Hi (jane) , I'm not sure what's going on RE butlins as I haven't heard back so I'm not sure whether to pack or not? If for whatever reason you're unable to take her you can let me know and I will understand, I'd just prefer to know sooner rather than later

How's that?

Good message OP.

Yeah good call OP. Hope you get it sorted

What does you're a mug mean? Is this some random saying that's meant to be offensive but just makes the person who said it look like they need to learn better lingo. 🙄

You’re getting a hard time op. Butlins is a great holiday for a 5 yo. She’s known the mum for 2 years and says she has a trustworthy job. If she’s a teacher or a doctor for example, I’d let my child go.

She clearly doesn't know her that well at all - that's the point.

If she did she wouldn't have to ask more strangers on the internet for advice on second guessing what's going on in this woman's mind. If you're concerned about what to say on a text/whatsapp and how it will be received, or sending them and not having any reply back (despite the woman being 'active' on social media), that would tell me everything I would need to know. Baffling as to why others can't see that and think it's perfectly fine to send a child away with basically a stranger (and whoever else she invites along for the ride)

What a shame for you DD if this is cancelled.

Good message OP

Yes I agree good message. Can't believe her!

Good message, I hope it goes ahead and your daughter has a great time. I completely get the motivation of wanting to let her have experiences that are hard to provide when she has a disabled sibling.