DH does not want a third

[watermelonsugarr]

We never actually discussed how many kids we'd have, we just thought we'd see how much we enjoyed being parents.

We have a 3 year old and a 1 year old, both same sex.

My DH initially wasn't keen for no2, but changed his mind when no1 was around 1 and decided we could have another.

Ever since #2 came along I've known I'd like a third.
We have a big enough house, car, we can afford it, I have easy pregnancies, we are both young enough and healthy etc. lots of family support. We love being parents and love family life.

My DH and I had the chat a week ago and I've just felt so sad ever since. He's 99% sure he's done at 2. He's agreed we can revisit in 6 months but he warned me he very likely won't change his mind (though he won't say 100%, as says his mind could change in the future but very unlikely).

My question is - has anyone had two children, wanted a third, not gone for it for whatever reason, and then been glad they stuck at 2? I can't ever imagine feeling anything but sadness and regret over it. I'd love to feel 'done' - will I feel like that in time?

And has anyone had a DH who has changed his mind on #3? I hate this feeling of living in hope.

I have two beautiful healthy children and feel guilty that I am wanting more.

I didn't think I was done after 2. DH was happy either way - but probably would have been happy to stop at 2. All the baby stuff went up the loft and was kept for a possible no 3. Felt like that til dd2 was about 2 not quite ready to be done. Until another mum with same name as me was pregnant with her no 3. Lots of people assumed it was me and started congratulating me, my gut reaction was h*ll no not me! That's when I realised I was done 😆 All the baby stuff came out of the loft and was donated. I think once the postpartum hormones and therefore broodiness settled I realised 2 was enough.

I wanted five. Then had an emergency section with number one and I was done. When he was 1, on his birthday actually when we'd gone to bed dh said he wanted another. I wasn't ready but when I wasn't pregnant month one, two, and I was disappointed I knew I was ready and she was conceived. We then had another, again at dh behest. They are now 19, 21 and 23 and it is brilliant but it was very hard at times. I have divorced very recently and I am so grateful they have each other to get support from and I am greatly appreciative that they are giving me support too. As for their dad who wanted them as much as me? It's like he's forgotten he is meant to be their father because they are adults...

It's just a stupid assumption. When I was pregnant with my third people couldn't understand why as I already had one of each. Just stupid.

2 quick easy healthy babies does not suggest a third will be like this.

@Leanmeansmitingmachine yes two wonderful boys and would be over the moon with a third boy (actually, probably a very slight preference towards having another boy). I find it infuriating that everyone assumes I must want a girl. My boys are just wonderful.

Honestly, some of this advice has been absolutely golden.

I can't imagine wanting 3 children as I am OAD and find everything about being a parent hard.

However I do have some friends who have 3.
They say it's like being a referee breaking up squabbling and everything is so expensive. Take your eyes off them for a few minutes and they trash the house.
You are outnumbered, childcare/babysitters are hard to come by.
Also there will be 2 boys or 2 girls, then one of the opposite gender. One friend who had 1 of each then another boy said the little one always feels left out.
Another family of 3 have the same and the little girl (middle child) is always in my house as her brother's don't play with her!
I don't mean this to sound so negative 😅...it does sound like you really want another baby, but why not wait a bit longer?
Enjoy the children you have for a while. They are still very little.

I haven't found the mix of boys and girls an issue. I think three can be an awkward number which we relieved by going to number 4. Then came #5 and personality seems to govern who is closer, though there are no odd ones out.

😂😂😂😂 don’t presume to tell me I won’t be done. I 100% will be.

also get back in your lane. I clearly explained to him I wanted 4 children when we got married. He entered a life with me knowing that was very important to me.

flip the script. You get married and say “I want children” then your husband says “no changed my mind” and you would be ok with that? Wise up

I wanted 4. Dh wanted 5. After 2 I said no more. I simply knew that this family was complete. And nothing since has dissuaded me of that certainty. Two, imo is the perfect amount. One parent can hold each hand. There's always a parent to sit with them on a train/ plane / rollercoaster. They are such good friends and have someone who will share their childhood. We are able to spend so much on them. The four person family, society wise, is supported- two child benefit, one paying adult one free child, most cars, most restaurant tables and family rooms, most sports and games, cutlery and crockery sets, so much! It's all geared to the four person family. It's ideal.

That all said. If I hadn't felt that sense of done, of complete, at baby 2, I don't know how I'd have felt.

@catscalledbeanz thank you, and did your husband eventually make peace with having two?