DD seeing a man she just met so soon after

[naybelle]

Hi, I'm sure I'm overthinking and worrying about nothing but I need some reassurance.

My DD is 22, she's a beautiful, smart, funny girl. Today she went out to play tennis with some friends then go for dinner. She still lives at home but when she wasn't home straight after dinner I didn't worry assumed she was out with friends. Eventually around 2.30 she stumbled in clearly drunk. I hadn't been waiting up I just have toothache and couldn't sleep so was watching a film. We got chatting and she told me she met a guy, he's 28, they were playing tennis on the next court and ended up going with them for dinner. After dinner around half 9 she and him went to have drinks together separately and were together until gone 1am.
She seemed giddy, and was talking about how great he is and told me they are going out tomorrow afternoon, just for some wine in the park etc.

Now Im an overthinker but I feel like seeing each other so soon after just spending a whole evening together is a bit much. My DD (in the words of my DS) "falls at terminal velocity and when she lands it's a crater" when it comes to men and relationships. I'd rather she doesn't get hurt again.

AIBU to be worried? Would you say this is okay and normal?

So she met someone that makes her feel giddy that she really likes and is seeing him again the next day. Yes perfectly normal.

She's 22. Let her live her own life.

Now Im an overthinker but I feel like seeing each other so soon after just spending a whole evening together is a bit much.

You are being weirdly over involved and controlling.

From memory that sounds like the first flush of a relationship- being giddy etc
it’s tricky isn’t it- if you’ve seen this happen before with an unhappy ending
is she vulnerable in some way?

We’d all like all like them to be happy all the time but there is literally nothing to be done about this apart from be supportive if it falls apart.
But I think that if they are both smitten then wanting to see other again so soon isn’t unusual.

If she was living on her own you'd never know. I'd say it's time for her to move out, and if she can't then you need a serious hobby to distract you from keeping tabs on her.

I think it's perfectly normal, as he's 28 and she's 22 I think I'd be a bit wary as in terms of life experience that's a bit of a difference . But they've met through a mutual hobby and hopefully he's s nice guy.

Of course it's normal.
She's an adult, it's time to cut those apron strings and let her live her own life, rather than the life you want for her.

How does anyone get life experience if they don't experience life? Leave her be, she's an adult let her own instincts be her guide and leave her to make her own decisions. It really doesn't matter how you feel because you are not her and I understand you wanting to protect her but as an adult it's none of your business.

She's living life on her terms, good for her.

Oh god I remember being young and doing fun things like this. I mean they usually involved a really amazing first date where you thought this was going to be the rest of your life and then a really uninspiring second date where they were insanely boring and you can’t remember how you had anything to talk about and it all stopped but they were SO much fun. Memories

I love your DS's way with words!

DD's excited and enjoying her feelings. Be happy for her. Of course you don't want her to get hurt - but would you rob her of this joy? You want to stop her soaring in case she falls; I think that's unkind.

Your role is to soften her falls and comfort her when she's hurt, not to dampen her enthusiasm.

You are being waaaaay OTT. She is a young adult having fun, leave her be.

Of course it’s totally normal!

She may get hurt again, she may not. You can’t stop her falling for someone. If you start interfering then all you’ll achieve is her not wanting to tell you about her relationships, and then you won’t be able to look after her.

ah OP, it’s natural to worry about them - I think some of these comments are unnecessarily harsh!

But agree with others that this is well within the realms of ‘normal’ and you should perhaps try to focus on the happiness it brought her rather than what may happen in the future.

I suppose that you’d worry if she stayed in each night/didnt have friends. I also very much reflect that I am glad my mother couldnt see what I was up to from age 19 as I’d moved out!

I'd worry if she was being blasé about her safety. If she'd got very drunk and gone to some randoms house or other unknown location. I'd worry if she jumped from one intense situation to another giving herself no time to be by herself. I'd worry if she made a habit of leaving friends or letting friendships slide for a man. I'd worry if she became obsessed with men, or was overly compliant and vulnerable to their control. But this situation in isolation is not unusual behaviour.

You can choose to be worried but it is actually none of your business

Good grief she's 22 not 12. She is enjoying what life has to offer. Did you not do this as a youngster?

You and your DS are far too involved in your adult daughters love life.

It sounds like very normal behaviour to me! Let her enjoy herself.

My dd is 16 so I don’t yet have an adult child. But she’s getting there. Your dd is 22 and if my mother had expected to have input into my love life at 22, I would have spat chips.

Perfectly normal. Why are you and your DS getting so involved. She's young let her live and have fun

Tell your DS to not talk about his sister that way.

What way?
It's true and she's admitted so herself, it's not an insult, she just falls hard and fast!

Very normal!