DD seeing a man she just met so soon after

[naybelle]

Hi, I'm sure I'm overthinking and worrying about nothing but I need some reassurance.

My DD is 22, she's a beautiful, smart, funny girl. Today she went out to play tennis with some friends then go for dinner. She still lives at home but when she wasn't home straight after dinner I didn't worry assumed she was out with friends. Eventually around 2.30 she stumbled in clearly drunk. I hadn't been waiting up I just have toothache and couldn't sleep so was watching a film. We got chatting and she told me she met a guy, he's 28, they were playing tennis on the next court and ended up going with them for dinner. After dinner around half 9 she and him went to have drinks together separately and were together until gone 1am.
She seemed giddy, and was talking about how great he is and told me they are going out tomorrow afternoon, just for some wine in the park etc.

Now Im an overthinker but I feel like seeing each other so soon after just spending a whole evening together is a bit much. My DD (in the words of my DS) "falls at terminal velocity and when she lands it's a crater" when it comes to men and relationships. I'd rather she doesn't get hurt again.

AIBU to be worried? Would you say this is okay and normal?

Good grief. You’re fretting about whether it’s normal for an adult woman to get tipsy with a bloke, fancy the pants off him and then see him again the next day? Seriously?? Of course it’s normal.

Also, she’s 22 and you’re talking about her as if she’s 16. If you hadn’t mentioned her age I’d genuinely have thought you were talking about a child rather than a grown adult.

Just because the housing situation means people are living with their parents in their 20s these days, that doesn’t mean they’re children or that their love life is any of their parents’ business.

Are we perhaps being the teeniest little bit overdramatic this morning Oblomov?

Who cares if she ‘falls fast’? She’s young. Falling ‘in love’ with someone at a million miles an hour is part and parcel of being a youngster. I’ve wonderful memories of being that age. Think person might be a flash in the pan. They might be the love of her life. Who knows? Who cares? She’ll have a great time and she might have her heart broken. There’s nothing you can do about it other than make sure she knows to be safe. She’s an adult, living her life. Stop making social media posts about her and let her get on with it.

You couldn't get more normal than that for a meeting, date and second date.

Leave her be OP! God I wish I was still young enough to enjoy these heady 'first flush' moments 😍

In 1978 at the age of 20 I fell hard and fast for someone 6 years older. The next day I met him at a bus station cafe for a coffee before the 5 hour drive home.

We recently celebrated our 43rd wedding anniversary.

@naybelle let your DD get on with it and be there to support her if she needs it.

She was maybe unwise getting drunk the first time she was out with him.

Why wouldn't they meet up again quickly if they want to?

Especially as it's the weekend!

Fucking hell. They’re a pair of adults in their 20s. Going out for drinks is what people do in their 20s.

They’re young, single adults with no ties, not middle-aged divorcees with three kids who are dipping a toe into the water and meeting after talking on Bumble. They don’t have to meet at a high street Costa and wait three months before they have a shag.

When my young adults were away at university, I never worried about them because I didn't know what they were up to most of the time. When they lived at home for a year or so straight after uni, I started to worry again if they were late back.
I never would have stayed up late to count them in but I lay in bed worrying until I heard the front door open and close. It was a relief to all of us when they moved into house shares and took control of their lives.

Ahh I miss those exciting new times. She's an adult, it has nothing to do with you.

Maybe it's time she moved out so she can "let her hair down" without you meddling

She’s 22, do you really think it’s appropriate to get involved in her personal life to that degree, advising on first dates?

I’d say this is a perfectly normal way to behave. It’s summer and if they liked each other and are both free the next day, that’s really nice. Honestly, if you REALLY like someone, you’d want to see them again asap, this ‘oh let’s see what my diary looks like next week’ game playing is pretty boring and doesn’t help.

When I was her age I met a guy one summer in similar circumstances, immediately we spent the whole day together as we had so much to talk about, and were together most days all summer. It was glorious and lovely.

People on here love to throw the term Mummy's Boy around with reference to men who have contact with their parents as adults. I think there are far far more Mummy's girls around.
I have a friend who had to text her mother goodnight right up until her mother died. She was married with children and eventually grandchildren but she still called her mother, Mummy, and phoned her every day and texted goodnight her every night at bedtime.
Nothing wrong with doing that but I bet there are so many more women on here who call their mothers, Mummy, and text them all the time than the mythical men who MN love to refer to disparagingly as Mummy's boys for having regular contact with their Mums.

I don't think it's unusual at all. I think you need to back out your DD's life and let her do what she wants. I have 2 adults kids as well, I try to not comment or judge if they tell me anything. By the way DH and I got together 30 years ago, we slept together on the first night (drunk) and after that I never thought of anyone. Still love him to bits.

Sometimes that’s how it hits you I guess. At the same age dd met a guy on a walk-in tour in Vienna. One of those hour long city walks. She flew home as planned the following day and 2 days later packed in her job and flew to Bratislava to surprise him. They’re still together 18 months later.

The only thing I'd worry about was whether he treated her well, but it's too early to know that yet. Hopefully she knows what to look out for.

My twenties were great fun - luckily my mum didn't know most of what I got up to!

It's sounds lovely to me

Very normsa...good for her.

It's hardly like she's agreed to marry him.

I was a student in the early 70s, At 19/20, I spent the evening with a group of fellow students in a pub which included a guy on my course. He was 27 and a mature student - so a similar age gap. We spent the whole of the next day together. We moved into the same shared student house and continued to live together for 9 years until he died suddenly.

OP, she's 22. Let your daughter live her life.

After being with my husband for over 30 years I still very fondly remember the excitement of a new date.

Most new dates won't become long term relationships or end up with falling in love but it doesn't stop them being a lot of fun.

Let your 22 year old daughter enjoy herself and leave her to it. What she is doing is absolutely perfectly normal.

Yes there might be broken hearts at times - again that's just part of normal life.

Normsl*

Normal.

Only thing is your DD could have let you know what time likely to be back home as under your roof.

So she met a bloke, went out for drinks with him and has arranged to see him the next day? Isn't that how it usually works? It certainly used to in my youth. I really, really don't see the problem here. However, you haven't expanded on the "hurt again" comment so I assume there's an undisclosed back story. Even so, she'll never meet "the one" if she doesn't ever go on dates.

Deleted? For saying that the dd's behaviour is completely normal. And that's mums reaction is not. Thus mum may want to consider counselling. Over anxious parents are damaging in their parenting of their children.

I too remember meeting Dh and being so excited. Wanting to see him again asap.