DD seeing a man she just met so soon after

[naybelle]

Hi, I'm sure I'm overthinking and worrying about nothing but I need some reassurance.

My DD is 22, she's a beautiful, smart, funny girl. Today she went out to play tennis with some friends then go for dinner. She still lives at home but when she wasn't home straight after dinner I didn't worry assumed she was out with friends. Eventually around 2.30 she stumbled in clearly drunk. I hadn't been waiting up I just have toothache and couldn't sleep so was watching a film. We got chatting and she told me she met a guy, he's 28, they were playing tennis on the next court and ended up going with them for dinner. After dinner around half 9 she and him went to have drinks together separately and were together until gone 1am.
She seemed giddy, and was talking about how great he is and told me they are going out tomorrow afternoon, just for some wine in the park etc.

Now Im an overthinker but I feel like seeing each other so soon after just spending a whole evening together is a bit much. My DD (in the words of my DS) "falls at terminal velocity and when she lands it's a crater" when it comes to men and relationships. I'd rather she doesn't get hurt again.

AIBU to be worried? Would you say this is okay and normal?

A reasonable age gap, same hobby, she loves drinking, so......not being rude, but this is how you meet a man, right? You just meet him and see him and when it works it does and when does not, he goes and .....

Perfectly normal - for her to go out with someone the next day and for you to worry as her mum. That's what your early 20s are for. She'll make some mistakes but she'll live and learn. She's more likely to learn if she's got sensible people to talk to - if you make her feel judged or like you're worrying about her she won't open up to you.

Sounds perfectly normal to me.

Your daughter is normal

How long do you think she should leaving it till she sees him next and what are the benefits to it? What are the negatives of her choosing to see him the next day?

I feel bad for 22 year olds nowadays.

If they spend their whole time on dating apps competing in a cynical and hierarchical market for casual sex and trying to make themselves look better to people glancing at their profiles for 4 seconds, their parents don't like it.

If they spend 167 hours a week in their rooms watching old tv shows and ordering sex toys from Amazon, their parents don't like it.

Now it turns out that even if they go out to play sports, have dinner with a big group of friends, then meet someone they think is charming and want to go to the park with them the next day, that's still not good enough for their parents....?

We all want to protect our children, no matter how old they may be. The sad fact is, you can't protect them, from everything, all the time. All you can do, is be there if life hits a stumbling block, listen and be supportive. Your daughter has met a man, who is a few years older. It's possible, they could be at different stages in life, but only time will see on that one. The fact they've made arrangements to see each other the following day is fabulous! It shows they're genuinely interested in each other! I'd rather that, than someone trying to play mind games etc. Let her embrace the giddiness and see where it all goes!! On a side note: I saw my now husband, the following day after our first date - I was 31!!! Age makes no difference, when you're excited and like the person!!

How lovely !

@5128gap
Hyperbole? Oh yes I do love a good hyperbole.

So hungry I could eat a horse.

I'm fresh out of fucks to give.

Neither can be true: possible!

@Frogpole

Me? Overdramatic?

Sorry. I just don't like over-anxious parents. I think they actually do damage to their dc.

This dd is fine. Mums reaction not-so-much.

She's 22 let her enjoy the excitement for goodness sake !

And as for those gasping in horror at them drinking...get a grip they are in their 20's it's very normal !!!

The only thing I might say to her is that it's nice to get to know someone whilst sober - find out what they're like when they aren't under the influence of drugs, and that the pair of them are less likely to make rash decisions sober.

It's fine.

And I dont like your sons language about DD. It implies your DD does something wrong to deserve getting hurt.

She doesn't. She's open, young and new to love. She's not jaded by dickhead men. If they treated her properly there would be nothing to criticise her style.

I'm in my sixties and I envy her! I've been married decades and love my DH but I miss those heady days of youthful infatuation.

Those were the days...

<sigh>

Drugs?

What did I miss?

I know !!! Drugs...over reaction muchly !!

She’s fine.

She’s young and having fun, like she should be.

If she falls too fast and gets heartbroken, then that’s her own lesson to learn.

You and DS need to back off, else you are going to push her away and she’ll end up not telling you anything.

She’s 22, it’s her life.

This is exactly what I did when I met my DH. Same age too. Still with him a quarter of a century later.

She is 22, old enough to make her own decisions. If she gets hut, it will be a lesson learned. Let her live her life and try and worry less, OP. x

Out of interest, what are your sons relationships like? It's an odd choice of phrase.

It really doesn't sound like a phrase a young adult in 2024 would use does it? Perhaps OP was paraphrasing heavily.

Yes, alcohol is a drug, surely you know that? Just because it's a legal one doesn't mean it doesn't need respect. I drink socially myself, I'm in no way anti alcohol (or most other recreational drugs, even though not for me).

I just don't think getting drunk together every date with someone new is a great idea. You're trying to discover each other, and find out if you like who they are. . It's a bit fake to only know the drunk them, is it not? I'm presuming they're not both alcoholics who only see each other drunk, then the person they are sober is more useful to get to know.

Also, I think every one knows that alcohol lowers your inhibitions? So you're more likely to get carried away in the moment and maybe get physical faster than the sober you would chose to? I'm guessing everyone who's ever got drunk has on occasion woken up the next morning and regretted something they did under the influence (or maybe that's just me 😂).

Isn’t that how it works? After the first date, husband and I saw each other every day.. for about a year before we married! Perfectly normal, how lovely for her. That exciting beginning bit is wonderful.