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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD seeing a man she just met so soon after

125 replies

naybelle · 03/08/2024 06:00

Hi, I'm sure I'm overthinking and worrying about nothing but I need some reassurance.

My DD is 22, she's a beautiful, smart, funny girl. Today she went out to play tennis with some friends then go for dinner. She still lives at home but when she wasn't home straight after dinner I didn't worry assumed she was out with friends. Eventually around 2.30 she stumbled in clearly drunk. I hadn't been waiting up I just have toothache and couldn't sleep so was watching a film. We got chatting and she told me she met a guy, he's 28, they were playing tennis on the next court and ended up going with them for dinner. After dinner around half 9 she and him went to have drinks together separately and were together until gone 1am.
She seemed giddy, and was talking about how great he is and told me they are going out tomorrow afternoon, just for some wine in the park etc.

Now Im an overthinker but I feel like seeing each other so soon after just spending a whole evening together is a bit much. My DD (in the words of my DS) "falls at terminal velocity and when she lands it's a crater" when it comes to men and relationships. I'd rather she doesn't get hurt again.

AIBU to be worried? Would you say this is okay and normal?

OP posts:
GinAndBeerIt · 03/08/2024 07:07

@naybelle We've all fallen hard and fast as young ones.
It's all part of being a young one.
Crikey, I fell in love with just about every boyfriend I had, he was the best thing since cheesy chips etc, and had my heart broken a few times.
It's all part of the relationship game, but we pick ourselves up, brush ourselves down and get back on the carousel.
Surely you must have done the same as a young woman?

passiveaggressivenonsense · 03/08/2024 07:07

Very normal. I'd be more inclined to talk with her about his suggestion of wine. Given that they were out drinking till late. You can have fun without the alcohol especially in a park in the day. I'd suggest to my DD that she kept her mind sharp so she can better see what type of man he is.

Eviebeans · 03/08/2024 07:07

At the age of 22 I was married and had my first child.

I do understand how difficult it is to stand back and watch things unfold when you feel like you should "save" her. I have three adult children now and the fact is that you can't intervene to stop them making what you see as mistakes - they are living life and hopefully they will learn from things that didn't work out so well and do things differently in future, maybe not. It's their life though to live as they please.

MillyMollyMandHey · 03/08/2024 07:10

You’re far too involved in her life. You don’t need to know what she’s doing every minute of the day (‘she was going to tennis then dinner, but she came home much later’) - who cares!! She’s 22, let her live her life. He could be the one, be happy for her. If he isn’t, she’ll move on. That’s how life works.

anyolddinosaur · 03/08/2024 07:11

"Life is fine when seen through wine" (seen on a bottle). She may find in the light of day he is not so appealing, perhaps why he is keen to keep the wine goggle on.

Obviously she is more impulsive than you would like and yes, she is at risk of getting hurt again. But we cant protect our children from every hurt and maybe this will turn out to be the love of her life.

So wish her a breezy have fun and let me know if you'll be back for dinner.

Kitkatcatflap · 03/08/2024 07:11

As an old married woman, I miss those early 20s heart fluttering romances that send you giddy. Let her be young. If she is still doing it at 40 then it may be an issue

I think it's sweet that your DS knows his sister so well - I saw it as an observation.

BananaSpanner · 03/08/2024 07:13

She’s being 22. Stay out of it unless she requests your advice. You’re her mum, you’ll worry about everything. If she wasn’t developing relationships, you’d be worrying about that too.
This one might come to nothing or might turn out to be long term or they might shag a few times and lose interest or she might break his heart or vice versa. It’s just navigating a love life in your 20s.

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 03/08/2024 07:15

I would have been more concerned about her coming home drunk 🥴

FinalInstructionstotheAudience · 03/08/2024 07:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What a revolting and completely unnecessary thing to write.

BananaSpanner · 03/08/2024 07:17

MillyMollyMandHey · 03/08/2024 07:10

You’re far too involved in her life. You don’t need to know what she’s doing every minute of the day (‘she was going to tennis then dinner, but she came home much later’) - who cares!! She’s 22, let her live her life. He could be the one, be happy for her. If he isn’t, she’ll move on. That’s how life works.

I kind of hope mine have moved out by 22 so they can live freely without me having to worry. If they lived with me I would find it hard not to keep an eye on the time if they come home much later than expected (or stay out all night!). They wouldn’t be doing anything wrong but I don’t think I could just be really chilled about them being home hours later than expected.

FinalInstructionstotheAudience · 03/08/2024 07:17

Izzymoon · 03/08/2024 06:04

Now Im an overthinker but I feel like seeing each other so soon after just spending a whole evening together is a bit much.

You are being weirdly over involved and controlling.

Where is the 'controlling'? OP hasn't told DD she can't go
Use your words more accurately

Globules · 03/08/2024 07:20

Ooo, I'm jealous of her. Sounds like great fun and exactly the right thing to do when you're 22.

Heliotropolis · 03/08/2024 07:22

Sounds all perfectly normal to me. Oh for the days of being so spontaneous!

CoffeeCatsAndVodka · 03/08/2024 07:22

It's very normal to worry over your children, no matter how old they get so ignore those people calling you controlling, especially given what your son has said about her luck with relationships. However, it's normal to have a quick meet up again, especially if they got on really well. It's a very sensible thing to meet in the daytime in the park so I think she will be fine. Wish her a lovely time and keep your worry inside, neither of you will gain anything by you telling her.

CocoDolphin · 03/08/2024 07:24

Op you’re getting a hard time because your post sounds weirdly reactive over something that most of us as parents would probably be quite happy and excited about, as the odd event.

It sounds as if you are judging your dd quite harshly, and if it is actual concern you’re feeling, you would probably have more support if you’d reworded you post to say something along the lines of: ‘My dd seems to suffer from a degree of impulse control, whereby she can get massively over excited, falling for people far too easily and ending up with a broken heart. An example was this evening where she…. Of course, it may work out and he could be the one! But in case not, is there anything I can do, during calmer and saner moments, that can help me to guide her through such moments in the future…

Notamum12345577 · 03/08/2024 07:25

Pancakeorcrepe · 03/08/2024 06:57

Tell your DS to not talk about his sister that way.

It wasn’t exactly a nasty comment!

5128gap · 03/08/2024 07:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

And you sound completely unable to express yourself without drama and misuse of clichéd insult. Please speak to an educator to help you over your tendancy to hyperbole in discussion.

Mrsttcno1 · 03/08/2024 07:27

Oh see I don’t think this is always a bad thing if both people are happy to the same extent, I met my husband very young and from the day we met we’ve been inseparable, we both fell hard and fast, and still together years and years later. We are now married, bought our home, with a dog and a baby, still as happy and in love as we felt about 24 hours after we met😂 it doesn’t always happen of course but just to tell you it can happen, and doesn’t always end badly! X

Hucklemuckle · 03/08/2024 07:28

Yeah. I did that. Only I was 25. 32 years and 3 dc later ..... 😂

WineMakesTheWorldGoAround · 03/08/2024 07:31

I want to tell you that you shouldn't worry and your daughter has her own life to lead etc but I know I would worry about my kids under the same circumstances!
I think part of the problem is adult kids living at home for so much longer, I moved out at 20 so my mother had no clue what I was up to or when I got home.

AgnesX · 03/08/2024 07:31

Ah, those were the days and it's the summer (indulging in a bit of nostalgia).

Stop hovering.

Confusionn · 03/08/2024 07:33

Just be glad they met the old fashioned way and not on some grotty dating site.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 03/08/2024 07:33

Now Im an overthinker but I feel like seeing each other so soon after just spending a whole evening together is a bit much.

Yeah it might be. But so what?

notagdfriend · 03/08/2024 07:36

It's normal to fall quick it's just important to recognise that's what it is and wait until you're more comfortable with them before you make any decisions on the relationship.

She's having fun leave her to enjoy it

Ponkpinkpink15 · 03/08/2024 07:37

@naybelle

when it comes to men and relationships. I'd rather she doesn't get hurt again

Dear God, she's 22, these days 22 is still very young to 'settle down' of course she's going to get hurt again, no matter what. If she did 'settle down' with MrTennis, she's still statistically likely to get hurt.

be there when the inevitable happens, in the meantime, let her live! Dont try to keep her in a padded cell.

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