DD seeing a man she just met so soon after

[naybelle]

Hi, I'm sure I'm overthinking and worrying about nothing but I need some reassurance.

My DD is 22, she's a beautiful, smart, funny girl. Today she went out to play tennis with some friends then go for dinner. She still lives at home but when she wasn't home straight after dinner I didn't worry assumed she was out with friends. Eventually around 2.30 she stumbled in clearly drunk. I hadn't been waiting up I just have toothache and couldn't sleep so was watching a film. We got chatting and she told me she met a guy, he's 28, they were playing tennis on the next court and ended up going with them for dinner. After dinner around half 9 she and him went to have drinks together separately and were together until gone 1am.
She seemed giddy, and was talking about how great he is and told me they are going out tomorrow afternoon, just for some wine in the park etc.

Now Im an overthinker but I feel like seeing each other so soon after just spending a whole evening together is a bit much. My DD (in the words of my DS) "falls at terminal velocity and when she lands it's a crater" when it comes to men and relationships. I'd rather she doesn't get hurt again.

AIBU to be worried? Would you say this is okay and normal?

What are you adding to this by not replying to the post and trying to police the thread instead?

This. Stop interfering.

The wine suggestion would bother me far more so soon after a boozy first date.

I see your point but as she is 22 then you need to keep it to yourself.

Your son has an excellent way with words

I’m sorry. This is none of your business. I don’t think she’s done anything wrong.

I too thought that analogy was quite appropriate for falling fast and hard and then being devastated.

If it's a recurring pattern, that's not showing a healthy choice of partner, but all one can do is stand back from the sidelines and hope fort the best with adult DC.

My DD is 22, she's a beautiful, smart, funny girl.

That’s great OP. This man might be a beautiful, smart, funny guy.

They are both young, have a common interest of tennis and clearly hit it off. They’re obviously both free ‘today’ and spontaneous people, so have arranged a date.

Absolutely nothing to be concerned about. What’s the difference in them meeting today or next week?

She is 22, leave her alone to have a bit of fun. She’s going out for drinks not marrying him.

Completely normal . Confused you don’t know or have experienced this yourself! I remember those first few weeks with my now husband of 30 years! We spent every spare minute together and after A couple of weeks after meeting I gave up a job abroad and moved in with him. After a month we got engaged. The rest is history. My heart still skips a beat when he gets in from work every night.

In your defence, you don’t sound controlling at all, just a massive worrier.
Try not to overthink the situation. At 22 she will be able to handle herself, she will be excited to go on another date .. I remember it well many moons ago, it’s a great feeling so just be happy for her.

I get it, you just want to give her the benefit of your wisdom and life experience so she doesn't get hurt. But she's got to experience all that herself, the giddy highs, and if there are to be lows, those too. Everything you've described is perfectly normal for a 22 year old (and lots of fun!).

I don't feel you are being controlling at all. You are worrying, given your daughter's history of falling hard.

However, she's met someone she likes and she wants to see him again soon. She's an adult, is being carefree and is able to make her own mistakes. Sounds pretty normal to me for her age group.

As parents, we are there to support and provide TLC when our children make mistakes/have problems, not hinder them from doing so, as much as we may want to.

Sounds perfectly normal, unless there's a massive backstory of her being vulnerable?

You only know, and worry, because she's still living at home. If she'd moved out, also perfectly normal at 22, you'd be blissfully unaware of her day to day activities.

Lucky woman, your daughter.

Don’t worry.

Meh I met my husband at a music festival - we spent the whole weekend together there right after meeting
then we spent the whole next weekend together and the now here we are 12 years later 🤷‍♀️

As a 26 year old who used to tell half truths to my mum when I was dating people I think she’s fine and you’re lucky she actually told you the truth haha! But you don’t mention her past relationships, if there was someone particularly bad in the past it’s natural to have your guard up and I think you have to trust your daughter for now but if there are any signs he isn’t treating her right/isn’t a nice person then you can raise it with her

At 22 she is big and grown up and can make her own decisions , right or wrong they may be..take a step back.

She's a grown woman. You can't protect her from heartbreak and she doesn't want you to try. This is the problem with so many people in their 20s and up having to live at home these days, no privacy and being surveilled as though they're still 14.

This sounds lovely for her! Don't you remember the giddy excitement of meeting someone you reallly hit it off with an arranging a second date quickly?! I'm excited for her

It’s natural to worry, and to want them to be cautious. I have a DD, she’s only 2 but I can imagine I’ll be equally over the top. But you do have to give her space, the alternative is to try and control her life which will end badly.

To answer the actual OP, perfectly natural to see each other the next day, they must really like each other.

You can’t prevent your adult child from getting hurt.

Totally agree with this.

Ofgs the MN "any age gap more than a year is a red flag" idiocy strikes again.

Why? She's not 14

Why?