There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

[moomoomouseey]

Imagine a day, filled with child friendly activities on holiday. Think beach, biking sandcastles, swimming together, pool, diving, playgrounds, reading books together, drawing, child centred show in the evening, fun fair, trampoline jumping.. etc etc..

At the end of all this, you go out for a meal. You bring crayons and paper etc and other toys, but after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal. You get out the iPads with headphones and let your kids watch for a bit/ play educational games, while you enjoy your meal in peace.

Some judgy judgerpants walks past and thinks you're a bad parent.

Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5.

I love the "if you think it's not great to shove an ipad in front of your kid to keep them quiet then you must think you're a perfect parent" thing.

I'm by no means perfect but I do think that if children aren't given the opportunity to learn how to behave in restaurants without a screen in front of them, how are they going to pick up those skills?

Listening to podcasts during nap walks was great with a baby! I do miss them now I have a toddler who rarely naps!

No it did not. But how often as a child did you go out for sit down meals. How many times did you spend the entire day out accessing expensive activities. This whole “not in my day” judgement disregards completely the huge differences in lifestyle.

The thing is, after a normal day, we don't need to use iPads. When we are on holiday and exhausted, we use them at the table.

If we are just going out for dinner at the weekend or a pub lunch, we don't tend to need to use them.

Our kids go out to eat with us a lot but when we are super exhausted, it just works better for us to let them have some time on the iPad.

I wouldn’t dream of commenting but it wasn’t allowed for my children at that age and still isn’t (now 6 an 7). We took the children travelling around France, Italy and Spain and it was wonderful to see no tablets out at the tables when dining out in restaurants despite plenty of children from toddlers to older children.

When we go on all inclusive holidays, it’s tablets everywhere though, rare to see a child eating without one

You do you - although I don’t think it encourages good table etiquette - family meals are always where we find out most about our teenagers lives now, so setting that expectation early will make it a lot easier to communicate when your child is older (just a tip - Take it or leave it).

However, if you’re going to do this then absolutely no sound or give them headphones. Other people are trying to have a nice chat with their partners (or even children!) too - fecking Peppa Pig in the background is irritating in the extreme.

I wouldn't judge as everyone has their own way of doing things and honestly I couldn't care less.

But it's not for me. In the case you give, lovely child-centric day out doors, beach etc, my kids are too tired to eat out. They'll be tired, grumpy, and need a quiet tea and go to bed. Giving them screens at a restaurant would just be kicking the can down the road for us and we'd have the fall out to deal with at bedtime.

We're on hols at the moment and dealing with this sort of situation everyday. Feeling a bit grumpy that we can't enjoy a nice meal out. So I do get it.

I think it's hard for very young children who just want to walk around and be active.

I think it's usually easier for older kids to sit and they just learn to do it.

Our kids aren't too bad, because they do it a lot. Sometimes with iPad and sometimes without, it depends on the situation and our energy levels !

@MidnightPatrol

Same here. I remember my brother having a GameBoy and on holiday would take it to the restaurant and be playing on that.

Yet at that time that was acceptable but screens are not - he was just as engaged in a 'screen' back then

Absolutely this.

It really isnt. I'm now thinking that this is clearly a 'joke thread' or a thread to get people to sign up to Edurino!

I wouldn't have allowed mine to have iPads at the table even if they were tired after a full day.

I believe that restaurant behaviour is a life skill that they need to learn as well as the art of conversation but seeing how inarticulate some modern youngsters are, I am clearly in the minority.

At least you used headphones though which I for one appreciate.

You say they use headphones, which means I wouldn't be hearing whatever they're watching. So, I wouldn't care.

I had a Game Boy as a child and grew up to be a perfectly healthy and happy adult with a good job, education etc.

My children are allowed to have their kindle on at meal times in restaurants, but only while we are waiting for food. As soon as food comes out, devices go off and we have a meal together and chat.

This works great for all of us.

I'm with you OP.

DS is older now but when he was younger we would let him play - with sound off - on the iPad once he hd finished his evening meal, after we had spent a day out together. Before dinner we would play card games, but sometimes we were at nice restaurants eating a bit later and frankly DS needed a bit of downtime.

When I was young, I would read books or draw if I got bored at dinner time, it's just the modern equivalent. As long as your DC isn't disturbing other customers and the sound is off, can't see what the problem is.

Oh and DS has turned out fine, now on holiday with him age 18 and he is perfectly capable of making conversation for a meal.

If we’re both being pedantic, OP is talking about exceptional circumstances whilst on holiday. Let’s look at my day to day as I don’t know OPs.

We eat out once a week. 90% of the time my son is fine and happy with colouring/toys/books. 10% of the time we might put a cartoon on for him if he’s playing up. So that would 5.2 days a year where he watches 15-20 minutes of tv in a restaurant. Cartoons off once food arrives. I can’t hand on heart say we go home after and only watch 40-45 minutes of tv after that but I know most days we probably only have it on for 30 minutes at home and some days none at all.
I also take him to the cinema occasionally, should I take him out 1 hour into the movie and miss the end? So maybe 10 days a year my child has excess screen time. Is that so awful? He’s only just 3 and is beginning to learn how to read, structures complex sentences, has a vivid imagination and the kindest nature. He’s a clever boy - I can’t take credit for his luck of the genetic draw - but I do nurture and encourage him in his development and learning. 10 days of excess screen time won’t harm him.

I don’t know OP. She could be one of those parents that whacks out the tablet the second her children open their eyes, then has the TV on all day. And I will agree with you that that type of parenting is problematic but from the limited information she’s given, it doesn’t sound like that is the case. So I’m not going to be a pedant and start quoting various studies at her that her one off use of iPads in a restaurant will permanently damage her child.

I was never allowed to take my Gameboy to a meal (or the dinner table in general). Neither were my peers. It definitely wasn't acceptable amongst any parents I knew back then.

People didn't take toddlers to restaurants late in the eve.
You simply didn't see 2yr olds in anything other than a really family friendly venue back when i was a kid, and even then 2yr olds would have gone much earlier, at say 5pm so were less tired. The family would have eaten quickly in order to get the kids home to bed, and eating out would have been a real treat mostly limited to on holiday.

In normal times if parents wanted a rare night to themselves having a nice drawn out dinner with chitchat, a babysitter would have been booked.
Peoples expectations in terms of lifestyle with kids have really changed.

I dont think it makes you a bad parent but I wouldn’t do it as I don’t think the distraction during another activity is necessary. I would rather my child was bored and adapted accordingly as I think this is a life skill that does need to be learnt. So ultimately I wouldn’t judge you as being ‘a bad parent’ as it’s your choice to parent and this is not ‘bad’ imo but I also would not take this stance myself.

The issue to me is not so much the iPad as so much as expecting young children after a long day to then sit still at a table. I would have cooked at home/accommodation.
Digital skills are needed in life - my (much older) children have them, and developed them through using digital devices of all sorts for many years. Probably too much!

But, at worst I did an hour of cartoons on a TV, they never had a digital device as a soother. And for me this is what I see more of - a digital device used as a soother, so that parents can crack on / ignore / take them for a long meal / just avoid having to deal with the children's behaviour which says 'I am not happy for some reason'. A digital device does not deal with the underlying motivation for the childrens behaviour - it just numbs them.

A few years ago, I’m ashamed to say I would have (silently) judged you…and then I had a non-verbal ND child.

We tried for years to avoid iPads but, as it turns out, watching YouTube videos is the only activity we can offer outside of the house that keeps him happy and regulated.

We very rarely eat in restaurants (mainly for fear of being judged) but, sometimes, it’s unavoidable if we’re away. Our son wouldn’t tolerate wearing headphones, so we either have the volume on mute or very very low and always just pay and leave if he becomes distressed in any way. Our childcare options are very limited so going anywhere without him is an extremely rare occurrence.

Life with a child with SEN can be incredibly hard and it saddens me that some people would be so judgemental about our, once in a blue moon, restaurant visit.

I didn’t think I’d be a parent that would resort to ipads in restaurants but after a recent holiday where we massively struggled with eating out with our two year I will never judge someone for this again and might try it next holiday.

I think there's two questions to separate. One is: are iPads at the table better than no iPads at the table? And I'd have to answer no, they're worse. Massive backstory or ND aside, NT children can sit at the table and socialise, and it's better for them and for general society if they learn to do this.

The other question is, does doing this make you a bad parent? And again I'd have to say no, it doesn't. We don't always do the precise best thing on every situation and that's fine. You're tired and want to enjoy a meal. No shame in that. It's a big leap to then say that iPads at table are actively good, or even that it's equally good as not having them, though.

This.

No iPad until after everyone has stopped eating.

It means parents abdicate from parenting and don't bother to talk to their kids. That's unhealthy.

You set expectations at that age.

Well done? 🍪