There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

[moomoomouseey]

Imagine a day, filled with child friendly activities on holiday. Think beach, biking sandcastles, swimming together, pool, diving, playgrounds, reading books together, drawing, child centred show in the evening, fun fair, trampoline jumping.. etc etc..

At the end of all this, you go out for a meal. You bring crayons and paper etc and other toys, but after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal. You get out the iPads with headphones and let your kids watch for a bit/ play educational games, while you enjoy your meal in peace.

Some judgy judgerpants walks past and thinks you're a bad parent.

Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5.

Thanks. Im only doing what thousands of parents of disabled children are doing.

The ‘lazy parent’ bollocks and judgement doesn’t bother me, I’m very self assured (and have excellent support around me), and I know what I do works because I see the proof in him every day.

However, lots of mothers of disabled children, and mothers who are themselves disabled and are just getting through the day are far more vulnerable to and ground down by all this ignorant judgement.

It makes life that bit harder for people who are out there doing their best, just so that other folks can pat themselves on the back and congratulate themselves on their superiority.

Personally I wouldn’t want to be the kind of person who gets my kicks that way.

Exactly. I am 14 years into the parenting a disabled child life - now I can generally ignore the judgemental “experts” who think they know better in all areas.

But going back to the early days of the journey and the comments and looks from others could be a massive blow and make me want to not go out to places because it make me feel we weren’t worthy

Why do you care what judgy judgerpants thinks?

You can bet your bottom dollar if iPads had been around in the 70’s and 80’s our parents would have damn well used them! Don’t let others make you feel bad, much preferable to kids running riot in a restaurant!
YANBU !

I've a child with additional needs, more often than not, she needs a screen to eat, I don't care what I'm other ppl say, it's what she needs! But yes, ppl are overly judgemental on other parents 🤔

Nobody needs a screen to eat. It’s a learned habit.

Actually, others are not.

People can have an opinion but they are not entitled (believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment) to one, especially when frankly it is none of their business. Unless the child is being disruptive on their iPad by being noisy, they can avert their eyes, mind their business, and concentrate on the people they are actually with instead of looking around for something to judge. I would find it rude if I was having a meal with someone and they were busy staring and judging strangers because their children were on tablets.

Do you know everybody?

Maybe someone mightn't need a screen to physically eat, but they may need it to help them to stay in the restaurant environment. It can be challenging environment for some people.

iPads are a recent advent, even when my 20 year old DD was young they weren’t a ‘thing’ yet - do you think that generations of kids just simply didn’t eat before the dawn of constant screen time?

It is rarely an issue just confined to restaurants, nevertheless, if a child is so distressed in that environment that they physically cannot cope without an iPad then it is obviously unsuitable for them.

I gave my DD4 my phone after a meal this week as she'd gotten to running around the place stage, so it was in everyone's interests 🤣 My friend's teenage DDs were on their phones, so how is it any different?
Don't let anyone's judgement get to you, they have absolutely no idea!

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"Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5."The OP not appearing to know how old her children are would indicate that?

Seeing kids on screens meant I swerved those restaurants this week, I don’t want my kids to think that it’s acceptable.
we take a card game to play whilst we’re waiting for our meal and then eat together.
they are also learning that evenings are more adult time, so their behaviour is expected to be calmer. I invested in early years restaurant behaviour expectations and now have primary school age kids who are pleasures to go to dinner with.

but you do you.

why do you need your decisions validated?

In years gone by a parent would have actually played with their child (not just handed them a phone..) at that point to entertain them for the last part of the meal, plus not sat around for so long that they are getting so restless in the first place.

It may surprise you that many parents do have an idea of what it’s like to raise children without shoving a screen in their face at every convenience..

I gave my kids an iPad in restaurants on occasion and I’ve now got pre teens and teens who are a pleasure to go to dinner with. All are social and an absolute delight. But I’ll let you feel superior because you put in the early years investment. Lol.

What if you didn’t want to play with your child though? What if the meal was at the end of a hard week and you just wanted to be fed and go home to bed. I’ve raised children who don’t think they are the centre of the universe. They don’t need to be interacted with every moment of the day. We have been out for meals where we didn’t have any technology and we’ve had a great time chatting and we’ve had meals out where the kids have quietly occupied themselves because mum and dad are knackered. Nothing wrong with either of those scenarios. My kids have learnt that sometimes they just need to entertain themselves whilst mum and dad have down time.

What if you didn’t want to play with your child though?

That’s tough luck. You signed up to be a parent. You do realise how absolutely ridiculous you sound by wanting an iPhone to look after your kids out of pure laziness?

My kids have learnt that sometimes they just need to entertain themselves whilst mum and dad have down time.

Kids need to learn to entertain themselves without the use of screens - that’s the entire argument. Boredom nurtures creativity.

YANBU

Everybody needs respite. Kids are happy, you're happy. Some people will always think they know your life and have a right to judge. They don't know you and you don't know them or what type of people they are. They could have entirely different values. They could be blithering idiots. They could be ignorant, abrasive know-it-alls secretly despised by those around them.

In short, you can choose who's opinion you value enough to take on board, and they seem like people who probably haven't earned that.

Sounds like you are conscientious and made effort, you are aware of the kids' needs. Everyone needs a break and the kids probably appreciated some quiet downtime too. These strangers aren't going to amuse the kids while you eat, or have to deal with the consequences of not having a moment's peace and then having to find even more energy after eating to pick up and carry on with the rest of the day. So really it's none of their business and it's sad that they made tried to make it their business.

Also, like it or not, kids are growing up in a world of technology. If you deny them any opportunity at all to interact with it, you'd be doing them a massive disservice in my opinion. Like most things, it's about how it is used and the balance with other things. In my line of work, I have met exceptional people for years who would not have got where they are without spending many productive hours when younger on the PC learning to code etc., so witholding technology isn't always a good thing anyway.

I didn’t sign up to martyr myself to my children. I’m secure in my parenting decisions, my children are brilliant and are lovely to take out to eat as the young people they are. In the past we’ve occasionally used screens if they’ve become restless because me and my husband like the experience of going out to eat too. We don’t want to leave as soon as the kids have finished, therefore they’ve had to wait for us. I actually think you’ve done your kids a disservice by pandering to their every need, thinking that an adult will pitch in when they’re bored and help them out. We don’t have that in our house. Our kids have learnt a number of ways to entertain themselves whilst we’re out for food. None of them rely on us to get involved. Poor you if you’ve done that to your kids. It’s ok though, I’m sure they’ll turn out ok in the end.

And I’ll hold my hands up and say that sometimes I’m a lazy parent. And that’s totally ok, unless you’re a martyr, which I’m gladly not.

The thing is @NeighbourTrouble63 and others who have contributed similar… Most of us will have produced decent members of society by the time our kids reach adulthood, regardless of whether we gave our kids iPads in a restaurant or not. Same as the ridiculous competition with potty training - some parents will have cracked it early and feel superior, some will still be changing pull ups aged 5 and feel like shit. The end result is the same though - young people who use the toilet, however long it took them.

The difference between you and me is that I will have raised my kids to adulthood ( and raised decent members of society) without making another parent feel like shit. There’s no need. Your child won’t be superior, you’ll have just made someone on their own journey feel bad for no other reason than making yourself feel better than anyone else.

why do you need your decisions validated?

Thats an interesting question coming from someone who has to swerve venues to avoid their family members seeing someone parenting differently to them.

Kids need to learn to entertain themselves without the use of screens - that’s the entire argument. Boredom nurtures creativity.

Says the person entertaining themselves with a screen… almost like it’s fine and normal to do so occasionally.

That’s tough luck. You signed up to be a parent. You do realise how absolutely ridiculous you sound by wanting an iPhone to look after your kids out of pure laziness?

Again- how much interaction and active parenting is required for you to not be in the lazy parent category? Because I rack up approximately 20 hours a day, and have for the last decade…

"Seeing kids on screens meant I swerved those restaurants this week, I don’t want my kids to think that it’s acceptable."

You do right not wanting your kids being contaminated like that.

So much judgement on here about lazy parenting from people who don't know what working hard at parenting is.