There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

[moomoomouseey]

Imagine a day, filled with child friendly activities on holiday. Think beach, biking sandcastles, swimming together, pool, diving, playgrounds, reading books together, drawing, child centred show in the evening, fun fair, trampoline jumping.. etc etc..

At the end of all this, you go out for a meal. You bring crayons and paper etc and other toys, but after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal. You get out the iPads with headphones and let your kids watch for a bit/ play educational games, while you enjoy your meal in peace.

Some judgy judgerpants walks past and thinks you're a bad parent.

Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5.

Please elaborate.

I'm curious to know how you can (generally) tell whether or not a child has additional needs just by looking at them in a restaurant?

What do children with additional needs look like? What is it about them that makes them so easy (generally) to spot?

You can’t tell.

And quite honestly I just want to enjoy my meal without having to wonder about any diagnosis of children in the restaurant . If that involves a screen, so be it. I hope their parents give them input on their own time when it isn’t affecting other diners… but ultimately that’s not my concern.
Ours love food and trying new foods except one picky one who is luckily happy to draw quietly. We take them anywhere and everywhere to eat as usually quietly discussing the menu then snacking on bread and olives, then enjoying the beak gets us discreetly through the evening. But any sign of restlessness in tired little people and I’d hastily thrust a screen and earplugs at them. Anything else is not fair to other diners.

What is the point of eating out as a family if the kids have headphones on and are glued to their screens. Just get a takeaway.

Going forward, when planning a 'kid centric day' tell them the deal is they sit and eat quietly later. If they can't then no trampolining. You need to teach them these important social skills. Or stick to MaccyD's.

There are people other than children in a family who might want to eat out even if the kids aren’t bothered- ‘yes you have to come, but you can watch a movie on your phone’ is a reasonable compromise.

They will never learn if you stick to MacDonalds. What an upbringing! And sometimes parents want to eat something a little more elevated - and to expose their children to it.

You go because for the time they can manage to be quiet and still and conversing appropriately they are learning and being exposed to civilised conduct. And that time will gradually lengthen.

'They will never learn if you stick to MacDonalds. What an upbringing! '

They will never learn if you shove earphones on them and plonk screens in front of them. 'What an upbringing!'

'Kids, after your fun day of non stop activities we expect you to sit quietly and eat your food. If you don't there'll be no non stop activities'. It's simple.

They need to be taught social skills, it's called parenting. Bit tedious at times but there you go.

But they will actually. Most parents don’t stick the headphones on from the beginning of the meal. It’s a back-up to preserve the peace for other diners. And it’s rude to involve a whole restaurant in your parenting.
Trust me: if you expose them they slowly learn.

If I am out with my son I concentrate on him. If I am out without him I concentrate on who I am with. I don't see the point of judging whatever everyone else is doing if it is not disturbing me.

Ugh, this is going to be my last post on this topic, as it's obviously very emotive and quite frankly I have better things to do with my weekend than argue online. For people where it's not physically obvious (sorry, but this is a proportion) you can generally tell by the way the parents act, rather than the child.

Of course they will. Just like children will still learn when crayons are ‘shoved’ at them.

Um no. Really bad manners. I have 4 kids between 3 and 15, 2 of them have SEN and none of them have ever been permitted to use a tablet at the table in much the same way as I have never let them lick the plates or pick their nose at the table. Sitting for a meal is really basic parenting. I'd not say anything but would totally judge this.

I personally won’t do screens at the table even in situations like this (which sounds like a good time to chill out and watch some tv) because then my children would beg for them every time.

I couldn’t give a flying crap what anyone else does.

So you weren’t being unreasonable at all, the person judging you was.

No you can’t. You may like to think that your judgemental little bubble lets you know what’s going on in other families but it really doesn’t.

you have no idea who has additional needs, or who has another reason for using a tablet during that meal.

I really cannot be bothered but I do hope someone gets stuck into you over this comment.

They will never learn if you shove earphones on them and plonk screens in front of them. 'What an upbringing!'

This is such a silly argument.

My ds10 sat happily through brunch doing a crossword with me today- and he has always had free access to screens.

You think he can’t have learned social skills or table manners because I let him have a screen if he wants it, but I know he has social skills and table manners because I live with him and see it!

Parents who only have toddlers still so haven’t seen the results of their parenting over time yet, or who never allowed screens at the table and therefore can’t know what their children would be like if they did, shouldn’t insist they know what is or isn’t possible- you have no evidence on which to base that statement.

There's no need to be defensive. I just always think it's interesting (but sadly not surprising) that even in 2024 there are still people who think you can tell if a child has additional needs by looking at them.

I don't think I've ever heard anyone claim they can tell if a child has SEN by watching how their parents act in a restaurant though, that's a new one on me.

You wouldn’t believe the magical powers of the A Mumsnetter- they make a small chicken last a week for a family of 4, they can levitate so an accident on the high street never means being late for school, and they can always smell a SEN kid at 30 paces.

And they never, NEVER resort to screens. Not even when it means everyone else in a restaurant has to endure them grappling with tired dc. Because ultimately wasting any opportunity for their dc to be “interacted with” is far more important than their dc learning to slot discreetly into an environment and not be the Main Attraction for all diners. I don’t love screens but it’s better than making everyone else suck up your parenting travails.

Not only must they never miss an opportunity to interact with their children, they must never miss an opportunity to be (despised) admired for their loud parenting.

Could save the NHS a fortune in diagnosis and cut the waiting lists right down! Just sit them in a restaurant and sniff ‘em out.

Fuck’em. Who gives a toss what random strangers think? My DS and partner are the most fantastic parents but they allow iPads etc so they can have a breather.

Parents who don’t rely on screens are always demeaned - loud parenting, admire themselves etc.
Deflection.

I mean I wouldn’t but I wouldn’t judge others for doing it.

Sometimes it stands out a mile.

Sometimes it does without a doubt, and when you have a child with additional needs I think you often pick up on signs that others may also have additional needs. However it is far far from conclusive and a lot of the time you can’t tell unless you are living the situation