There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

[moomoomouseey]

Imagine a day, filled with child friendly activities on holiday. Think beach, biking sandcastles, swimming together, pool, diving, playgrounds, reading books together, drawing, child centred show in the evening, fun fair, trampoline jumping.. etc etc..

At the end of all this, you go out for a meal. You bring crayons and paper etc and other toys, but after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal. You get out the iPads with headphones and let your kids watch for a bit/ play educational games, while you enjoy your meal in peace.

Some judgy judgerpants walks past and thinks you're a bad parent.

Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5.

YABU. But who cares if strangers judge you?

Well if they are doing their sticker books then they are hardly engaging. Frankly I don’t see the difference between sticker books or looking at a screen. The important thing is it keeps them quiet for a while. Doesn’t disturb other diners and lets their parents decompress.

I did say ‘sometimes’. Sometimes, you can’t tell at all.

That is what I find really perplexing in all this. I don’t think overuse of screens is good for children if they aren’t getting plenty of time to develop their imagination and to play independently of the crutch of a device. But that doesn’t mean the odd half hour is going to derail their development.

I’m with you 😊 as toddlers my kids wouldn’t sit still for toffee so yh tablets came into play. Congratulations to all the other parents that managed to keep toddlers still when having meals out 👏

We don't let them have tablets at a restaurant as it's not what I want them to think is ok in restaurants (we put our phones away too), but I really don't care what others do if they're using headphones! I do let mine sometimes eat dinner at home with their iPads (we do mainly eat together without but not always).

One of mine is autistic and I do other things for her in a different way to the 'norm' so I don't judge - this just isn't something she needs so we don't.

Never had to use tablets or iPads at the table. It’s just rude. You are there to eat and hold conversation, not have your kids hooked up to technology. They learn that they have to sit and behave, eat their meals and be sociable whilst at the table. With younger ones, crayons and colouring books are perfect but you have to be prepared for them to get get bored. Tablets aren’t the answer. See it every year, kids sat like droids at the table absolutely lifeless.

‘For longer than 1 or 2 hours…’ Erm…I couldn’t sit at a dinner table in a restaurant for that long! My DH and I would have packed up and gone long before that - and we don’t even have kids.

Nah, you’re not being unreasonable, OP, for giving them a screen if you’re wanting to sit in the restaurant for longer than that…they’d have been bored silly and when they’re frazzled from holiday stuff, it’s definitely the right call as far as I’m concerned. But aware others have valid concerns over screen time etc

I’m surprised at some of the answers here. My 2 year old will after 20 min of playing with any kind of toys want to get up and run around the restaurant followed by a meltdown when told no. A phone or tablet buys me an extra 10 min, so if lucky I can actually make a start at my meal in that time. I will use any screens at my disposal to buy me an extra 10 min and hopefully finish my meal. And I would absolutely pay to see how other parents teach their 2 year olds how to handle boredom.

I saw this a lot while staying in an all inclusive hotel recently. I could understand if there was a really long wait on food but you walk in, fill up your plate and start eating. The children were watching their IPads while eating which I’m definitely going full on judgy mcjudgerpants on!

I think screens while eating is a step too far. Though my SIL did this at home because dc wouldn’t eat and the screen distracted from the fussiness round food. But that was an unusual case,

You are there to eat and hold conversation, not have your kids hooked up to technology.

Who made that rule? I'm an adult, and sometimes I'm at a restaurant or a café to eat and hold conversation. Occasionally I'm there to sit companiably in mostly-silence with DP while we occupy ourselves with whatever interests us. Sometimes I'm there on my own to eat and relax and read/stare into space/faff about online. Sometimes I'm there alone or with others to efficiently ingest fuel and move on to something else. Sometimes different things happen at different parts of the meal.

I get that it's important for kids to learn to have a mealtime conversation and contribute to interactions as a form of social bonding and entertainment, but not every meal out you have as an adult is a primarily social event filled with skillful conversation from (pre-)beginning to (post-)end.

Exactly.

I don’t get this idea that EVERY meal must be treated a) in the same way and b) be about socialising and talking.

Sometimes I don’t feel like talking, sometimes I’m at a really exciting point in my book, sometimes I’m meeting an old friend and talking for hours etc.

Variety and deviation is normal in life- children don’t need to have every meal treated in exactly the same way in order to learn how to behave at the table.

And actually everyone knows this- they know their children won’t think every meal must be on the floor because they have been to a few picnics, they know that their children won’t refuse to eat at home because at school they pray before eating, they know they won’t be 45 and demanding a sticker book at a work lunch-

so they should know that their kids won’t have to watch spider man over every meal forever because they do sometimes when they are 5.

You sound totally reasonable to me!

Hi op.

I think you do amazing. Kuddos on all the activities. Don’t let strangers push your buttons! Especially when it looks like your table time is your downtime…!

enjoy your holidays 🌺

You are the parent. Do it if that’s what you want. Let others judge. But others are entitled to an opinion. My opinion is that it is unnecessary and lazy parenting. But they aren’t my kids so I don’t really care what you let them do in their/your spare time

It would only annoy me if you don't use headphones. Moral of the story: always use headphones on a reasonable volume to enjoy your ipad. Thank you

Absolutely 100% fine - chill out mama and enjoy your meal in peace! X

We always allow allow it after the meal but not during

we can then enjoy an extra glass of wine in peace

I have never and would never let my children sit at a dining table in public or at home with an iPad. It’s an absolute no for us (but then they are 12 & 10 and don’t have iPads anyway as they prefer sports to tech thankfully).

would I judge you or anyone else for doing it? No absolutely not, it’s none of my business unless your kids are disturbing the restaurant in some way. iPad away, I don’t care what you do with your kids.

How many hours a day do you have to spend interacting with your child before you become a lazy parent?

I only ask because mine is disabled- a genetic disorder which causes physical illness, as well as asd and severe adhd (as well as sensory processing disorder, dyslexia, dyspraxia and anxiety disorder).

He is 10, and I have to home educate him because school can’t meet his needs (unless we travel a 3 hour round trip twice a day, which he can’t do), which means I am with him 24 hours a day, every day. He doesn’t sleep much, usually for 3 maybe 4 hours a night in his bed, then he is back with me.

I teach him, I take him and stay at all his socialising or clubs/lessons, I manage his medication and medical appointments and therapies, I do all his physio exercises with him, I deal with his anxiety attacks and meltdowns, I read to him and play with him, I make sure he is clean and clean up after him, he spends his nights in my bed, I physically contain him when out of the house so he doesn’t wander into traffic or fall in the canal- basically if it needs doing- I do it, if he knows how to do it- I taught him.

Incidentally, I do all that while being disabled and chronically ill myself (I am a wheelchair user and get the highest level pip for reference).

Not that I’m complaining in any way- he is an absolute joy and we have a great relationship and life…

I’m just wondering how the odd half hour on a screen at a restaurant has managed to tip me over into the realms of lazy parenting, and how much more active parenting I need to do to reach the level of the non lazy parents?

Lazy parenting again. What is wrong with the occasional bit of lazy parenting? Why do some people think parents must be giving it 100% all day, every day?

On holiday at an all inclusive resort right now and I’m astounded at the number of kids even at breakfast with iPads never mind lunch and dinner. I kind of consider holidays family time so always feels a little sad to see kids sitting from start to finish in their own world of screen and earphones through out meal times.

The old life: you are nothing short of amazing- honestly.