There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

[moomoomouseey]

Imagine a day, filled with child friendly activities on holiday. Think beach, biking sandcastles, swimming together, pool, diving, playgrounds, reading books together, drawing, child centred show in the evening, fun fair, trampoline jumping.. etc etc..

At the end of all this, you go out for a meal. You bring crayons and paper etc and other toys, but after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal. You get out the iPads with headphones and let your kids watch for a bit/ play educational games, while you enjoy your meal in peace.

Some judgy judgerpants walks past and thinks you're a bad parent.

Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5.

My children’s mental development is absolutely fine. They are teens and pre teens and are all happy, well adjusted, sociable young people. They’ve used screens in moderation and are none the worst for it. And yes, it’s been the easy option sometimes. Nothing wrong with that.

Yet you are on a screen.

Screen use is a part of life, like driving or chips. Perfect in every way? No. Fine in moderation and when it’s useful? Yes.

"Screens are bad, that's a fact."

But you are on one.

🤣 Yes and it's not a good thing! I know that by personal experience 😑

The thing is @breakfastatlunchtime..

You commented on a post I quoted from another poster that had nothing to do with you and read it how you want it to read..

Clearly you can't accept that it's rude to call parents of well behaved DC perfect. Good job we don't all judge parents/DC of any kind.
Equally you're goading for an argument..

So as I've already said you've turned my post into one about autism, classic, I leave it there.

A certain amount of bad, or just not ideal, is normal in life.

We're in a completely different time to when we were all kids, we sat at the tables with not much to do because that was the only choice. Kids now have access to so much more, it's just changing times.

If they're not disturbing anyone OP, then whatever judgements dickheads people make is their own business (which is what I would have been telling them if they commented about my parenting decisions.)

Several posters on this thread have said that they "silently judge" parents whose DC are on screens in a restaurant unless they have SEN. This has come up multiple times now.

Will one of you please explain how this works.

Do you ask the parents if their child has SEN so you can decide whether to silently judge them or not? Or do you assume that if the child had SEN you would somehow just 'know'?

You commented on a post I quoted from another poster that had nothing to do with you and read it how you want it to read.
These conversations on MN are not anything like a tête à tête? Anyone is free to join in and comment.

Also, I read your remarks as you had written them. Perhaps you did not mean quite what you wrote, and meant something else instead? That seems likely at this stage, but what you actually did write was quite insulting to many parents (as I've explained to you already).

Clearly you can't accept that it's rude to call parents of well behaved DC perfect.
I can, of course, accept that. Not sure why you think otherwise - I haven't commented on that at all so far.

Good job we don't all judge parents/DC of any kind.
This is just nasty - I don't judge other parents or DC.
Why would I? I know well from my own experience that children and parents are often coping with challenges that others don't comprehend.

Equally you're goading for an argument.
Didn't really want an argument, no. I thought you didn't understand the issues that some parents face and wanted to point that out. I actually thought you might apologise when you realised what you'd said, but there you go.

So as I've already said you've turned my post into one about autism, classic, I leave it there.
Not sure why mentioning SN is 'classic' in the context of this thread?
Happy to leave it there at this stage though. We're not getting anywhere.

Err because my dds were/are the waiting staff. And being observant, they generally have a handle on what is going on at each table. I should add that they also see plenty of teens buried deep into their phones and therefore incapable of ordering for themselves. Just sad really.

I hate it when the SN card gets played.

I have 2 SN Dc. It isn't a free pass. There are still cultural expectations to sit down in a restaurant and engage. DS 1 recently came to a wedding as my +1. He found it a lot, but we muddled through. We also go to restaurants every now and again to practice, just for one course, but it helps him to cope with the different surroundings and making a decision (too many options causes him to shut down. This won't change magically as he ages if we don't start to get him used to it.)

Of course cultural expectations are able to be adapted for those who need it, but for the most part, the overwhelming majority of DC are capable of sitting down at a meal without a screen.

It's just that the parents are prioritizing their personal needs, and their want for their children to be quiet. And as long as the parents don't see any problem with that, (and accuse parents who do see a problem with it of being 'perfect parents' or make other snide remarks) then it will continue.

Can I add that I’m not, as I said in an earlier post, anti screens altogether at the table - I can see they have their uses. But I think it’s a bit sad when kids are just automatically given them because all it tells them is that ‘here, we don’t expect you to be able to cope with this situation, so have a highly addictive distraction so you don’t have to ever learn how to’. And as for teens with phones - I’m not naive, my dds will often get theirs out at the table but it’s met with a hard stare and they will quickly put them away. They know the rules - they have always been expected to put them away for the duration of the food service and to interact with those around them for most if not all of the time in the restaurant.

We try not to, but don’t mind if others do, as long as there is no irritating sound on. Society has changed though so young children go to restaurants quite frequently. I remember first going to a proper restaurant at about nine years old. Restaurants are also more casual now, it’s not like a formal dinner. It does irritate me slightly when everyone is on their phone though (including adults) but accept that it is the way of life.

We don't have screens at the dining table or when we eat out.
It's a perfect time to actually talk to each other, interact and find out about each others day.
It also means you focus more on what you're eating and not just mindlessly shoving things into your mouth.
Research does show that eating together (minus screens) is better for physical and mental and emotional wellbeing.

I used a phone for my now 7 year old when he was younger. He doesn't use it now and as he's got older he's just naturally learnt to be more patient (slightly). So your difficult restaurant trips were a bit pointless weren't they?

Anyone who thinks they can 'train' a toddler to sit and wait in a restaurant without distractions whilst waiting for food is bonkers. They will as they get older. There's enough battles and struggles in life stop making things that are meant to be enjoyable for ALL (child included) so difficult.

Anyone who thinks they can 'train' a toddler to sit and wait in a restaurant without distractions whilst waiting for food is bonkers. They will as they get older. There's enough battles and struggles in life stop making things that are meant to be enjoyable for ALL (child included) so difficult.

Absolutely you can train toddlers to be patient in restaurants. It's called effective parenting. There are plenty of techniques you can employ to entertain your little one while they also learn that life isn't always filled with instant gratification and that sometimes patience and getting a bit bored are a normal part of social occasions/events.

People seem desperate to prevent their children from experiencing even a nano second of boredom - seemingly happy to accept bad behaviour if they as parents have failed to prevent this.! I would say the opposite. Kids need to be bored sometimes. It stimulates their imagination. It also teaches them that not everything is about them and their needs.

By making sure your children are forever entertained and stimulated by external factors such as iPads and phones , we are breeding a generation of children who believe this is a right and an entitlement.

Not me (I couldn't care less) but I think it means they think to themselves "I hope they have given that child a tablet because the child has a SN that means they would otherwise struggle in this environment, otherwise they are being really shit parents".

As long as the volume is down I wouldn’t care.

I was in a cafe recently where the family let their child play games that were so loud I was struggling to hear the person opposite me, I was all for moving table but the others thought it would look rude to move, make of that what you will 😂

There's a difference between allowing a DC to have 30 minutes on an iPad at the end of a family meal, and letting them have it the minute you sit down.
I do think it's sad when the iPad or phone is whipped out at absolutely everything occasion such as travelling on a bus which DS used to love seeing everything go by, or memorably at the airport with a family going through security, where again I would have thought there was enough to distract any DC.

Posters talk about toddlers only being entertained for so long but how do the rest of the world do it? Dining out aboard and we noticed how there were children right from under 1 upto teenagers at the restaurant and not a single one had an iPad or phone. All families interacting together and no children running around or screaming. This was every meal we had across 3 countries for 2 weeks. Funnily enough, the occasional British and Russian families had their children with tablets

We didn’t do meals out lasting over an hour when the children were same age as OPs because they would have struggled. How much attention and stimulation they had or hadn’t all day was irrelevant as they still needed to be able to tolerate the meal. We also chose environments that suited children when younger.

Eating out is an expensive privilege and the children have been brought up to see it the same way - not something to endure and be bored through. Where the environment allows, they will bring paper and pen/pack of cards or anything small and quiet to do while they wait but they are still engaging with their environment when playing - a world apart from being in their own world addicted to a screen.

Wtf are you going on about?! The airport is one of the most stressful environments you could possibly imagine. If someone is placating their child because they’re being a pain - or perhaps the parent themselves are feeling anxious and need the child to be calm, who is anyone to judge? Clearly you, apparently. Your medal is in the post. And I say this a a mum of 4 who has travelled extensively through airports and it’s always stressful. We’ve never used iPads going through security - mostly because how would you? Things need to be put into the bins to go through the scanner but I wouldn’t ever judge someone just doing the best they can to get through an extremely stressful situation. You’re clearly an absolute legend amongst mums though so props to you!

Ah you missed out then. We did meals out lasting more than an hour when our kids were younger - sometimes they had screens and we had a bloody lovely evening. It still resulted in having young adults who are capable of sitting socially and interacting with their dinner companions so I guess you missed out? Don’t feel bad, some of us are just better parents and can get the same end result with their children without all the righteousness… 😊

I would not judge. But I would not do it myself. For those saying it's the modern equivalent of a sticker book or colouring that is not really accurate. The thing about the iPad at the table is that, as of necessity, it comes with the headphones too and that really cuts the child off from what is going on; really limits interactions. At least with a sticker book or colouring (or small lego sets which is what I used to bring to dinner) there can still be interaction between the parents and children. Personally, I would intersperse the child focussed daily activities with a bit of down time for me too. Actually I would likely have taken an hour after lunch to read a book whilst the children watched the iPad and then had a nicely interactive family dinner later on. But that is me. OP asked a question. I would not judge her. I probably would not notice. But it is not what I would do.

Maybe they just don’t want to talk to your kids? Maybe they aren’t interested in them?

Equally maybe they have spent all day talking to their parents and have had enough?

When we go out one person does the entire order (the person sitting nearest to where the waiter is standing) because it’s easier for the staff to engage with one person than a load of people calling across the table etc- your kids would presumably think 99% of my family are incapable of ordering for themselves!

Your SEN kids aren’t all SEN kids ffs 🤦‍♀️. Mine can queue happily for an hour without a meltdown and LOVES loud music… am I supposed to think that applies to all autistic and adhd kids?