There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

[moomoomouseey]

Imagine a day, filled with child friendly activities on holiday. Think beach, biking sandcastles, swimming together, pool, diving, playgrounds, reading books together, drawing, child centred show in the evening, fun fair, trampoline jumping.. etc etc..

At the end of all this, you go out for a meal. You bring crayons and paper etc and other toys, but after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal. You get out the iPads with headphones and let your kids watch for a bit/ play educational games, while you enjoy your meal in peace.

Some judgy judgerpants walks past and thinks you're a bad parent.

Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5.

Having your child learn how to wait in a restaurant for food and engage and socialise with others at their table?

Yes it might be difficult -and not the most relaxing for a while for the parents- but eventually you will end up with kids who become teens and adults who know how to behave in a socially acceptable way and more pleasant to spend a meal out with. We put in hard work when they were younger and it's paid off now they are a bit older, coming up to tweens. I see their friends/ our friends' kids of a similar age who were always thrust an ipad behave very differently in restaurants.

(I'm not saying this is possible for all ND children)

No entertainment for the kids whatsoever? I'd have struggled with that going to a restaurant as a kid, it was years before iPads but I was always allowed to take a book or a comic or even a doll when I was little. Mind you, I do have (undiagnosed at the time) ADHD. 😄

@cheerfulcharlie "Having your child learn how to wait in a restaurant for food and engage and socialise with others at their table?

Yes it might be difficult -and not the most relaxing for a while for the parents- but eventually you will end up with kids who become teens and adults who know how to behave in a socially acceptable way and more pleasant to spend a meal out with. We put in hard work when they were younger and it's paid off now they are a bit older, coming up to tweens. I see their friends/ our friends' kids of a similar age who were always thrust an ipad behave very differently in restaurants"

Just back from a holiday meal with Ds18.Despite being allowed to play Angry Birds silently on the iPad from age 5 when he had finished his chicken nuggets ( yes doubly shit parents as he was a fussy eater) and we wanted to actually savour our main course later than 6pm, he managed to converse cheerfully for 3 courses tonight, has got good grades and is off to uni in September,so we can't have ruined him entirely with our lazy parenting.

I mean I don’t judge others and if you want to do screens then you do you but comparing screens to stickers and the like is just nonsense. There’s a great deal of well publicised medical evidence regarding the addictive and damaging nature of over use of screens. I’ve never seen anyone addicted to a sticker book but I know several teens and young adults with severe screen addiction that does impact their life, relationships, employment, etc.

Oh I got it...
Yes, correct that was my post..
But you're not even anywhere near.

It was in answer to the poster that assumes sarcastically, parents of well behaved DC are in some way superior.

But you still haven't contributed in any way to what I was asking, which was why parents of DC that behave have to be regarded to as perfect parents of perfectly behaved children.
Just added your own answer which again is of no context to what my post was referring to.

All you've done is turn my post in one about DC that have autism...
Which is the way most of these yay or nay to devices posts end up, so no surprise there.

So, I could say the same about you regarding not getting it.
But that's possibly not what you want to read, so crack on.

I absolutely judge any parent that gives their child an iPad at mealtimes. If they are getting bored and restless, make up games to play - 20 questions, ispy, hangman. It’s even worse when they are actually eating, or parents are, and the iPads are out. This is the time for talking about your day, or making plans for tomorrow.

It is taking an easy way out, and it is lazy parenting.

Children have to learn that it’s ok to be bored. Parents have to parent. Chill out and have quiet time once they are in bed.

I do think it’s quite funny that the ‘Sancti-mummies’ think that only their own little darlings will have grow into young people capable of having a civilised meal. My kids have had the occasional iPad, colouring book, bits of Lego etc and they’ve still grown into young people capable of good behaviour in restaurants. In fact as pre-teens and teens they are now regularly complimented on their exemplary behaviour. Plus, we managed many a meal out when they were younger that was quite leisurely and pleasant because the children were all quietly occupied. Perhaps we’re just better parents 😉

How often and for how long are your children sitting in restaurants that it’s enough screen time to cause damage to them?

The conversation is about screens at the table in restaurants- that’s less than an average of an hour a week for all the children I know, hardly enough to damage their future relationships and employment.

I understand it to a certain extent, especially as a treat perhaps at the end of the meal when the parents want to stay chatting for a bit, but when I was growing up I was expected to cope with boredom and when my dds were growing up they were expected to get by with the crayons and paper tablecloths!

My 18 and 20 year old both pt work in hospitality and they have commented on how sad it is to serve families where the children are plugged into iPads and incapable of interacting with their own families let alone the waiting staff. Both said that they are so glad they weren’t brought up like that and that there’s no way they’ll be letting their kids do it either. So perhaps there is some hope 😆

"Childcentric" 🤣 um that's what you signed up for when you decided to have a kid or two. YABVVU

Screens are bad because they rot the brain. We all know this. Screens are rotting adult brains, imagine what they are doing to children

Yes I've seen this too. Instead of the children talking to each other, they're all on their screens

As long as you use headphones, it's no one's business

What’s wrong with being lazy sometimes? Why does everything need to be done in the most complicated way? Same applies to parenting. Sometimes if you’re knackered a quick freezer dinner rather than a cooked from scratch dinner won’t kill them. Sometimes if you’ve got stuff you need to get on with, watching kids tv for an hour won’t kill them. Sometimes if you just want a peaceful meal out, having something to occupy them instead of playing bloody ispy for several hours, won’t kill them. I can assure you, being lazy occasionally never hurt anyone. But I suppose it’s worth always taking the most difficult route if it means you get to feel superior to everyone else.

You think they won’t learn those skills? It’s such an odd belief.

I am a normal functioning adult with a masters degree, a happy marriage and a good group of friends (and my career before children revolved around relationship building with hard to reach people)- that is to say, I can debate, chat, public speak and do small talk with the best of them.

I eat with my mouth closed, use a knife and fork and if necessary I can pass the port to the left and never put it down… but I don’t remember any bugger fussing over what I did while eating my dinner when I was little.

I ate in front of the tv, wandered off from the table, ate my dinner in bed and generally pleased myself- we didn’t have iPads but then we rarely ate out and if we did I was on the playground or buggering about.

People learn to converse in all sorts of situations, it doesn’t have to be over a dinner table- and table manners are not actually complicated to learn.

Not what I signed up for. My life definitely isn’t child-centric. Of course my children are well loved and cared for and we do plenty with them and for them. But they understand they aren’t the centre of the universe and that sometimes other people’s wants come first.

How do they know they are incapable of communicating with each other or the waiting staff?

But you still haven't contributed in any way to what I was asking, which was why parents of DC that behave have to be regarded to as perfect parents of perfectly behaved children.

The thing is, @Trumptonagain, the comment I was responding to doesn't actually say what you apparently think it says...

Here it is again:

Do many women pop out "perfectly behaved kids" at birth?
Or is there a bit more involved by way of these "perfect parents of MN" contributing somewhat during their up bringing to having well behaved children as they grow older.

Sure, but you also should be doing the best for them right? They never asked to be born so always shoving a screen in front of them isn't fair and you know it. The parents who do this, don't do it on the rare occasion

Loads of people do it. I don't like it but wouldn't comment.

But doing the best for them doesn’t always mean doing something that directly benefits them. Sometimes I prioritise myself and that indirectly benefits them because they have a happy mum. Sometimes we’ve used a screen or other mode of entertainment in a restaurant because it benefits me and my husband to have a meal out and be able to chat to each other. And that’s ok. I don’t devote my entire life to my children and I think that’s pretty healthy.

And we’ve used screens occasionally and haven’t ‘shoved’ one in front of them at every opportunity and I’m sure we’re not rarities. It’s not all or nothing.

My life is entirely child centric- my ds has physical disabilities and chronic illness caused by a genetic disorder as well and asd and severe adhd… we had to remove him from school and I home ed him because there isn’t a school within an hour and a half of our house that can meet his needs.

I spend all day every single day meeting his educational, social and physical needs.

He will be out of bed in a minute and getting in bed with me (like every night of his 10 years!)- there is never a minute where he isn’t front and centre day to day…

if he wants to look at his phone for half an hour over dinner while I read a book or talk to someone else you can be damn sure that’s ok with me!

I’m happy for people to think I’m a lazy parent if it makes them feel good for a while, we all take our joy where we can in this world.

Absolutely. There’s nothing wrong with being lazy sometimes. You have to prioritise yourself sometimes. I really don’t understand threads like these where the ‘lazy parenting’ trope rears its ugly head. Lazy doesn’t always equal bad, unless you’re a martyr.

Lazy doesn’t always equal bad, unless you’re a martyr.

Yep- you don’t get a gold star in heaven for doing everything the hard way.

You have to wonder if these people follow their own rules all the time- do they for instance ALWAYS walk every single journey with their children where it’s physically possible (so a few miles to the supermarket and back carrying the shopping for example)- because it would be better for the children’s health, and driving is lazy? Do they ALWAYS make meals from scratch and never chuck some pasta and pesto on a bag of pre bought salad and call it dinner, because that would be lazy?

Or do they in fact muddle along doing their best 90% of the time, and cutting the odd corner when it suits them, just like everyone else?

But that's not what the discussion is about? Obviously anything in moderation is fine. Screens are bad, that's a fact. So unless it's genuinely a rarity, you're doing your children a huge disservice and affecting their mental development resorting to screens (which let's face it is the easy option).