There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

[moomoomouseey]

Imagine a day, filled with child friendly activities on holiday. Think beach, biking sandcastles, swimming together, pool, diving, playgrounds, reading books together, drawing, child centred show in the evening, fun fair, trampoline jumping.. etc etc..

At the end of all this, you go out for a meal. You bring crayons and paper etc and other toys, but after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal. You get out the iPads with headphones and let your kids watch for a bit/ play educational games, while you enjoy your meal in peace.

Some judgy judgerpants walks past and thinks you're a bad parent.

Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5.

I don’t think twice when I see other parents allowing their children on tablets in restaurants but I don’t allow mine - I think it’s an important social skill and that they learn how to behave when eating out. It’s not something we do regularly so when we do eat out it’s a family occasion and I don’t want 50% of said family in another world on their tablet. I don’t allow them at meal times at home either.

I wouldn't do this but I don't judge people who do.

I see it all the time in the tube. Child sits down, adult hands them a device, they get off two stops later.

I don't agree with it, but these aren't my children to parent.

If you're happy with your decisions, just do it and ignore what other people think.

The thing is, those of us who raised kids pre iPads did it just fine.

We had no other options besides talking to them, engaging with them, sticker books, colouring, game playing.

I'm so glad screens weren't ever an option for my kids when they were small.

@JudgeBurrito

It's generally pretty clear if someone is using tech for a specific reason/need

Is it?

How can you tell?

Great for you. And some parents nowadays are pleased that screens are an option because that gives them the opportunity to eat out, either as a pleasant experience rather than an endurance test or at all.

Lots of things weren't an option years ago and people did just fine. Smartphones, holidays abroad, multiple cars per household. And yet we have them now...

I don't like it but I do allow my 4 year old to have it while waiting for food. Not while he's eating as he'd probably be too distracted.
I don't think my parents took us out to eat until we were older. I still remember going for a meal at about 9 and taking my book to read. Is that just as bad?

The rules are simple here. Screens bad, books good, crayons good. Extra points if your small child lobs them into your neighbour's soup.

I don’t. I also don’t judge strangers if the kids with them are sitting silently on their tablets.

I remember going out with my parents, being bored out of my mind and being allowed to bring a book as I waited for my food. Not much different to a child being on their tablet if no one can hear it.

Yet, I somehow managed to have no issues speaking to people throughout my life, choosing to do volunteer work, working in public-facing roles, and being able to talk about a wide range of various topics.

None of it is ‘bad’, but it’s all the same.

The dinner table was not ‘supposed’ to be for reading, games or colouring any more than it was for screens. Unless you are sitting and discoursing you are doing it wrong- and plenty would argue that too much talking, especially from children, isn’t proper.

100 years ago the idea that children would expect someone to play with them or give the crayons would have been infra dig/lazy/tacky/spoilt etc.

It’s utterly pathetic to judge this absolute non issue. Are all those ‘I’d never allow it’ types not concerned their children will never learn to eat a meal without playing eye spy? Or will have a nervous breakdown at 30 when they have forgotten their sticker book?

Yes… funnily enough I don’t expect to draw on the menu or eat bits of other peoples dishes despite many many dinners doing that as a child. I also don’t lie down on the floor and kick my legs if my daddy doesn’t tell me the jam tarts story while we eat fish and chips.

Almost like adults and children have different needs and skills!

So you think the temperament a child is born with, or whether or not they have additional needs, autism or adhd for example, have nothing to do with how they behave?

You're wrong about that!😂

It's generally pretty clear if someone is using tech for a specific reason/need,
I'm another one wondering how you can tell if a child sitting quietly watching their ipad has additional needs or not @JudgeBurrito?

Exactly.

People managed without screens at the table because they had no choice. It is a choice now.

Just like people managed washing their clothes by hand but now we have washing machines.

Technology advances.

As I dont know you op or what a fabulous child centred day your kids have had, yes if I saw your kids with ipads at a dinner table id be judgy - but I wouldnt care, not my kids.
As long as they are using earphones/headphones or have the volume switched off........crack on. Better that than them running about shrieking etc.
Would I have my kids playing with ipads at a dinner table (regardless of what they've been up to during the day), nope. We always have a chat at the dinner table, maybe a little game/drawing if waiting for food.

The Anxious Generation - How the great rewiring of childhood is causing an epidemic of mental illness by Jonathan Haidt

Especially if they're 'European'.

What's any of that got to do with me asking why it's assumed here on MN that if your DC doesn't need a device it's acceptable to accuse them of being a perfect parent with perfectly behaved children?

I haven't mentioned anything about any additional needs or any other ailments in any of my posts, so why are you starting your reply to me with
so you think?

Are you trying to tell me what I should think....Or just projecting your own thoughts but claiming its what I think.

I've written exactly what I think using the words chosen by myself....I don't need you to tell me otherwise.

All this rubbish about 'we didn't have all this back in the 80s, 90s, 1700s' because parenting back then without screens was much better...

I was a child in the 90s, and I was addicted to my Gameboy. Not really any different.

Also weren't those decades notorious for parents sitting and smoking at the dinner table, feeding their kids turkey twizzlers and meatballs out of a tin?

A little screen time and the parent police of 2024 are out in force.
Oh wait, that's just Mumsnet.

If you judge someone for letting their child watch a bit of tablet at a restaurant table for a few minutes of peace and quiet, you're the problem, not them.
How do you know how much that child watches it through the day? You don't, so if you do judge, you're being a judgemental, snobby twat and need to get a life.

Apologies, I've just realised I misinterpreted your post! I retract my comment - I actually agree re all the above.

Personally I think it's fine to judge silently. I judge people silently for all sorts of things but I wouldn't dream of making any overt comment or sign, or indeed doing anything except smiling pleasantly.

I judge people who play noisy games of "I spy!" with their kids on trains hugely. I inwardly wince and roll my eyes. But I realise that's a me problem.

I also think "ffs!" when people give toddlers crayons on trains, planes and in restaurants and they roll everywhere and people nearby have to be asked to return them. But again, a me problem. So I smile warmly and make a jolly comment to the toddler.

Sorry OP. It's no toys, books or gadgets at the dinner table in our house - and especially in a restaurant.

No worries. :-)

And the advantage of that is?

A sense of being a superior parent

And the advantage of that is?

I wouldn't have thought of it as an advantage. It's just what you do at meal times. It's how to behave in restaurants.

Sitting and waiting, chatting, looking around. It's all a part of being in a restaurant.

In case you've forgotten, this was your comment (the words chosen by yourself!) that I originally replied to:

Do many women pop out "perfectly behaved kids" at birth?
Or is there a bit more involved by way of these "perfect parents of MN" contributing somewhat during their up bringing to having well behaved children as they grow older.

In other words you suggested a child's behaviour was related to the effort/contribution the parents put in.

When I suggested you were fortunate if you thought a child's behaviour was entirely due to parenting, I was referring especially to children with additional needs, how parenting them is often more challenging.

If you haven't ever had to experience or even think about that, then , yes, you're fortunate imho. What you had said was actually an insult to SN parents (in case you still don't get it).

You replied there was nothing fortunate about it!??
At that point you introduced your additional point which I didn't comment on, but sought to further expand on my reply to your original comment.

Unfortunately you still didn't get it.
Hope it's clear now.