There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

[moomoomouseey]

Imagine a day, filled with child friendly activities on holiday. Think beach, biking sandcastles, swimming together, pool, diving, playgrounds, reading books together, drawing, child centred show in the evening, fun fair, trampoline jumping.. etc etc..

At the end of all this, you go out for a meal. You bring crayons and paper etc and other toys, but after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal. You get out the iPads with headphones and let your kids watch for a bit/ play educational games, while you enjoy your meal in peace.

Some judgy judgerpants walks past and thinks you're a bad parent.

Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5.

I don't think you've read the OP properly.

Yeah, anything your kid is doing at 3 is likely to be set in stone for life. That's why it's so important to crack on with the potty training.

Oh, wait a minute.... that's complete BS!

That toddler who was bored during an adult conversation might one day be interested and engaged by the same conversation. Forcing young children to conform for the sake of appearances is cruel.

And to all of the PP saying "my DC happily behave like mini adults" I was that kid, my parents said the same. I was miserable, DB and I have little to no relationship with 'D'P now.

It is lazy parenting and switching off the kids and interaction with them during a key socialising/development activity and embedding in them at a young age the very behaviour you would probably complain about when they are older and don't know how to talk to you as they prefer a screen.

I liked the comparison above - screens are like crack cocaine, introduce them too early and kids become addicts. A 2 year old already dependent on a screen for entertainment is quite sad.

It’s fine.

Mine is 10 and has autism and adhd- sometimes he sits in a restaurant and has a conversation, sometimes he has a screen. Usually a combination of the two (he watches on silent with subtitles because he won’t wear headphones).

He can have a perfectly normal conversation, but sometimes he doesn’t feel like it, what with being a human being and all. It’s no different to my dad reading the paper at the table or kids sitting colouring- it’s all displacement activity to avoid boredom or provide some down time.

I really couldn’t care less what people think.

Nothing fortunate about it.

My point is whenever a thread like this comes up there's an assumption that if your DC doesn't use some kind of mobile device in a restaurant the old "you're a perfect parent with your perfectly behaved children" line of bullock's is trotted out.

It's just a snide remark when a poster has nothing to offer of context and equally as judgmental as those supposedly judging parents that use them.

I think people who judge screens think they've no place at the table. So they wouldn't change that on the basis your DC had done loads in the day. It's a matter of opinion, and if you're happy with your stance, have confidence in it!

It's doesn't matter to anyone else whether you like it or not other than children that are in your care. Too many people judge and think this is lazy parenting. My son is disabled and uses their iPad as a communication tool should I not allow him to communicate in public? Or explain his various conditions to various judgmental strangers?

Makes a change from France.

2 of mine have special needs, if they don't have headphones on and a tablet they simply won't eat. The noise, lights, amount of people, smells in a restaurant is just to much for them and they would be overstimulated. Cutting out the extra stimuli with a tablet means they are content and eating and we can converse and enjoy a meal (as can all the other customers) my middle child has access to her tablet as I don't think it's fair to say no to her when the others have theirs but she will generally choose to colour and talk to the adults.

People can judge all they like I couldnt care less.

I don’t do it, never have, but I wouldn’t comment on someone else doing it unless the sound was impacting my own experience. Not my business.

Just because someone is a teacher and has 4 kids, doesn’t make them an expert on kids or a great parent. She could be a shit teacher and a functioning alcoholic for all we know!

I'm with you OP. I get it

I agree with this to a certain extent. Provided your children aren't actively annoying others, just do what works best for you and your family.

As far as I'm concerned, strangers have a right to pull me up if my children are being a (justified) pain in the arse to them but otherwise I'm not interested in their unsolicited views on my parenting.

Sometimes it's nice to switch off the kids. It's either that or put them out of the house with a "For sale" sign on them.

Would never ever do this with mine but I also would mind my own business if someone did this near me.

I'm not sure if you're aware but this is a discussion forum... The whole point is to post our opinions. You're entitled to disagree, but I'm entitled to my opinion.

It's generally pretty clear if someone is using tech for a specific reason/need, and obviously that's not the same as sitting with headphones in zoned into Bluey or whatever. But don't let me being reasonable get in the way of your sensitivity and outrage.

What the judgey pants don't seem to realise is if I give my kids the iPad it's for the benefit of the other people in the restaurant, not me. At home I can deal with the noise of bored or overstimulated children and wouldn't give them a device at the table but other people shouldn't have to be affected by other people's kids while they are out.

Have you never heard of an invisible disability?

We’ve been on the receiving end of someone commenting on our children having iPads in a restaurant. I say we, actually it was me that was addressed- funnily enough this lone gentleman didn’t approach my husband. It was our 10th anniversary and we didn’t have childcare and wanted to go out. So we let the children have iPads so that we could have a conversation with each other. Whilst I held it together while this childless arsehole questioned my parenting, I couldn’t help but cry after he left and it ruined the evening. All because some absolute twat thought they needed to comment on my parenting. He did also compliment them at the same time but thought he’d throw in the comment about the iPads being lazy.
He was right about one thing though - my kids are fabulously well behaved in restaurants, even though occasionally we let them have an iPad. Because it’s not an all or nothing situation and sometimes it is perfectly fine to be lazy. Nobody needs to be a martyr and children will not grow up unable to function socially because of that one time their parents were knackered and just wanted to eat their dinner in peace.
My younger children still bring things to do to a restaurant which others would deem more socially appropriate (colouring etc)- I can assure you that they are no more aware of what’s going on at the table than they are with a screen. It’s just that screens are sneered at.

It's not

@SwingTheMonkey . I'm sorry that one interfering twat's comment ruined your evening, but maybe if it happens again, go over to the offender's table and critique their dinner performance.

Something along the lines of "I just want you to know that we think you've been generally well-behaved during this meal, but we did notice you glancing at your phone a few times too often while your companion was speaking and you might want to polish up your conversational repartee as we did notice her eyes glazing over once or twice as she nodded along politely to what you were saying as you held forth at some length. You are clearly very passionate about garden hoses and it is good to have interests. But you only spoke unacceptably loudly after the fourth glass of wine and generally limited walking around the restaurant unnecessarily, so on the whole, well done. But we thought you'd appreciate a few pointers for next time. It's so nice to see properly behaved adults in public places".

Of course, but sight is just one sense.

Haha, I definitely should have said something like that! Unfortunately I was so taken aback that I just meekly uttered something about it being a special occasion because it was our anniversary. Unfortunately my husband wasn’t aware of what he was saying because he chose to almost whisper it in my ear with absolutely revolting tobacco breath…

@Whenwillitgetwarm hate to disappoint but I don't drink alcohol and my performance reviews don't suggest that I am shit.

However, I do understand and completely agree with your point!

I’m in the “no” camp, but I do think it depends a bit on your child- my DD is not very good at having things “sometimes” so I know if I start letting her have an iPad at dinner she’d ask for it all the time. If you have the type of child who can cope with having the iPad on certain occasions and engaging on others, it’s probably a bit easier.