There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

[moomoomouseey]

Imagine a day, filled with child friendly activities on holiday. Think beach, biking sandcastles, swimming together, pool, diving, playgrounds, reading books together, drawing, child centred show in the evening, fun fair, trampoline jumping.. etc etc..

At the end of all this, you go out for a meal. You bring crayons and paper etc and other toys, but after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal. You get out the iPads with headphones and let your kids watch for a bit/ play educational games, while you enjoy your meal in peace.

Some judgy judgerpants walks past and thinks you're a bad parent.

Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5.

YABU. You bring more than one thing to do at the table, and you include your child in the conversation. That’s what parenting is.

Only part of behaviour is down to parenting and if you have not realised this by now then you are fortunate indeed.

And no, not “everybody’s happy” as per a PP. I promise you the surrounding diners are not.

Umm because most 2 year olds have an attention span of about 2 minutes and can hardly talk so aren't keen on 'socialising'

Why would they not be happy?

You are forgetting that these are MN children who can have a conversation about world affairs at 2 years old.

Is the sound on these iPads on or off?

If the sound is off, it's fine, if a bit lazy.

If the sound is on, YABVVVU.

Who cares what other people, particularly strangers, think

Fuckem.

Carry on as you were.

Only a tiny percentage of children would be taken to a restaurant in the 1970's. When we visited family, there'd be a children's table to sit with cousins. Up until the 90's you'd see children getting smacked in public. Parenting wasn't any better.

I have 4DC and I am a teacher. Using screens at tables, especially in restaurants is definitely not my style and I do not believe it does any children any benefit to use screens at a young age. Especially not at the table. It is not educational, nor is it age appropriate.

However, many parents believe the marketing hype and advertising, and they believe that these things that are on the market are beneficial.

But, getting parents to accept this is like pissing in the wind. You have a tool to keep your kids quiet and you will use it, and tell yourself it's ok. You are not alone and other parents will tell you YANBU.

Btw. No one expects a two year old to sit at a table for an hour or two. People eat quickly, politely and then leave because they are parents to young children.

I would never make an uninvited comment about it or express my opinion unsolicited though. Not my circus and not my monkeys.

I just wouldn't think to bring an iPad to a meal out. I wouldn't be nasty to any parent that does though! As long as it's not on a high volume bothering anyone else I can't see that's it my business!

About to get ready for a well deserved night out with DH so why am I here 🤦‍♀️
Just to say excellent post Teacher, you should know 😊

My 2 year old was desperate to socialise. I'd take him to restaurants & his smiles to waiters would light up the room 😁

With headphones, I don’t even care if it was a child-centric day.

I used a tablet to help teach my ASD child to simply be in a restaurant. She is now a teenager who can go to a restaurant without a tablet, order something even if she can’t find much to eat in the menu, and engage in polite conversation for the duration of the meal. without the tablet that process would have been much more difficult, to the point we might not even be there yet.

those same skills carryover into being able to be comfortable and behave in school and other important situations. It’s not something we took lightly.

Sitting for an hour in a restaurant is normal. By the time you've sat down, chosen your food, ordered and then the food has actually been served. Could easily be an hour and a half with desserts.

It's not about screens benefitting children and being educational it's just about stopping them whining and not wanting to run around.

I'm sure he was absolutely desperate to socialise 🤣 I hope this is sarcasm hahaha

Ha ha like I said previously my children only have IPADs on occasion after ordering and eating when the timeline of the meal outlasts their input and some adult time is fine. Last night on holiday after a long day, and a meal at lunchtime ordering for themselves (a little in a different language) and eating a great range of different foods where we played uno for ages and chatted, after they had finished eating and socialising we let them play games together on their IPAD (muted) while we had a chat together about the holidays and next holiday plans. During that day we had spent all day exploring a new city, playing games in the pool and talking about the holiday we had had. To judge me would be odd. Do you seriously not think there is a place for some adult conversation? Keeping that connection? It’s one of many things to entertain my kids that day… mostly me

I read "once they have eaten ipads" and briefly wondered why the kids were eating ipads 😄

I don't know why it matters if other people have judged you as you are so adamant that it was a good thing for you to do. You feel confident with having done it and that's all that matters.

You can't control the thoughts of other people around you. If they said something to you then they shouldn't have done because they are your children.

I'm not so idle a parent that I constantly need childcare, nor am I so silly as to take my children out late at night.
After a full day "on" with my children, if twenty minutes on a tablet (with headphones I might add) buys me time to actually eat and chat with DH then that's what it will be. I do not need a nanny to achieve this.

I judge anyone who judges me.

@Glitterbomb123 quite. And to hell with the developmental consequences.

You could be describing my youngest!

In stressful situations like airports where there are lots of people, sounds, checks, then often indefinite waiting times my youngest will retreat with a screen.

Would you rather see me holding him down while he has a complete meltdown, physically lashes out and is refused entry onto the plane?

If it makes you feel any better I must not have been such a terrible parent with my older 2, they can entertain themselves for hours. I guess I just couldn't be bothered to put in the hours on this last one🤷🏻‍♀️

I think iPad (and phone) use are totally meal and restaurant dependent. Where we live (USA) there are fast food places or family friendly restaurants such as Red Robin where it would be perfectly acceptable to use an iPad - in fact many places even provide iPads on each table with games for the kids. However, there are also places where this would be more frowned upon.

We have taken our child to a range of places over the years and they have learnt to behave according to the setting with careful preparation and discussion of expectations ahead of time. I do think it’s important that children recognise that there are settings where it is polite to make mealtime conversation and other settings where it is totally acceptable to chill on screens.

Each dining situation is different and both are valuable- it’s not one size fits all…

@WasThatACorner no one was criticizing you but you took it personally. You said yourself that your first two children don't react like this. You can rip the plaster off with your third child but your response here suggests that you are worried about this because of being embarrassed in public.

I get it. My 4th DC has got away with a lot more than his elder siblings, and my Dsis got away with a lot more than I did. It's very typical!

Screens are like crack on developing brains. They really really really are. It's not cool to say this amongst parents, who of course are doing their best to get through the day. But these outbursts, sometimes accompanied by aggression are not uncommon.

Stop the screens. Just don't take it out with you. They will kick back, of course and there will be a period of adjustment. But they will also learn that that type of behaviour doesn't change anything, that their parents mean business, screens are not required outside of the home and they will have to learn to behave differently/entertain themselves/interact with people.

If you rip that plaster off and stick to it, it will get better.

Where I live (Switzerland) it would
absolutely not be tolerated. Children are expected to participate in meal times.