There's absolutely nothing wrong with iPad at the table at a restaurant after a child centric day

[moomoomouseey]

Imagine a day, filled with child friendly activities on holiday. Think beach, biking sandcastles, swimming together, pool, diving, playgrounds, reading books together, drawing, child centred show in the evening, fun fair, trampoline jumping.. etc etc..

At the end of all this, you go out for a meal. You bring crayons and paper etc and other toys, but after a while, your children are restless and bored but you want to enjoy your meal. You get out the iPads with headphones and let your kids watch for a bit/ play educational games, while you enjoy your meal in peace.

Some judgy judgerpants walks past and thinks you're a bad parent.

Kids are 2 and 4 or 3 and 5.

If we weren't going away with friends/relatives who could babysit then we simply wouldn't go out in the evening without the children. We didn't tend to go on holiday to places with babysitting services and, like you, I'd not be particularly comfortable with using them even if we did.

In the absence of babysitters we'd make sure that mealtimes and locations were suited to us having children with us. If that meant we were back at the apartment by 7pm with the kids in bed by 8pm then fair enough. That's when you get to eat the really nice cheese and olives without interruption!

No, of course it doesn’t. But I, and many others, think it’s a shame to see so many children plugged into a screen. Children are allowed to be bored. Children are allowed to be taught how to behave at a table. If it’s easier for you to use an iPad then fine - nobody really cares that much.

The only people on this thread being mildly resentful are the ‘oooo look at you perfect parents’ lot who can’t seem to accept that other parents may, just may, disagree with your choices. Doesn’t mean we particularly care.

It's definitely lazy parenting. First, you're not allowing your child to learn to cope with boredom. Second, you yourself are not prepared to cope with them being bored (e.g. having an actual conversation with them).

We compromise. Caveat that mine are both asd/adhd, the oldest quite severely and needs the headphone on as a sensory noise blocker.

We allow them to have them at the table if we're out for a meal, but only while waiting. They're not allowed them on while there is food in front of them/they're eating.

That way, they learn some table manners, we can all have a conversation, but once food is done, they're allowed them back while the adults finish eating.

That being said, its quite obvious my 17yo is disabled in some way, seeing how i always settle him in the corner, bring out his own drink, order for him, end up having a long conversation with the waitress because he also has ARFID, and have to cut his food and remove most of the table cutlery away from him. If some arse wants to be rude about him having his tablet, they'll get told where to stick their commentary.

So you give them screens whan you can't be arsed to teach them/enforce how to behave properly at the table then, you mean?

I haven't RTFT but I imagine it's divided into those that do and those that don't allow screens. Personally we never did allow screens, and have always had, and still have a strict "no phones at the table" rule (one I wish their grandparents adhered to 🙄).

There is increasing evidence that screen time is detrimental for young children and their emotional development/regulation. How do they learn to behave and engage at table if they've never been expected to do it? If you don't model table manners, then how do they learn any?

I would far rather see children being talked to by their parents, than being 'parented' by a screen - it's REALLY hard work when they are little.

However, I would have judged far harder if they were watching something without headphones. That really irritates me when people do this in a public place (cafe, restaurant, train etc) - it's deeply antisocial.

How old are they? I dont get your last sentence. I dont pass comment on how other people are raising their kids unless they are beating them in the street.

UpTheMagicFarawayTree · Today 10:09
I wouldn't let my child do it, but I'd not be bothered by you having it for yours, as long as there was no volume”

This. No problem at all with iPads - essential on a long car journey. I think it’s really important though to socialise children to restaurants, teach them how to engage in conversation over a meal, really enjoy their food.
Our grandson has been taken to cafes and restaurants since he was tiny. He really enjoys them. We recently stopped at a pavement cafe and he looked at the table and said “where’s the menu, granny?” (aged 3) 🤣

tbh i wouldn't have packed them so if they had wanted them at dinner/etc then they would literally not have been in the car.

Absolutely. I only really get my judgey pants on for parents who let their kids have phones/tablets on full blast in public spaces without headphones. I often wonder if they're the same kind of people who have phone conversations on speaker in the middle of the supermarket.

And a very judgemental opinion at that!

We are fortunate to have breakfast, lunch and dinner at home together daily due to working from home. No ipads, lots of chat and excellent manners from my 3 & 6 yr old

We dine out twice a month. Kids can have ipads before and after the meal so they get to do something they enjoy if we're in a more adult like venue and my DH and I get to enjoy a glass of wine and catch up on life, but its nice to know there are people in the world, like you, walking past our table forming inaccurate judgements.

As long as the child has headphones you are doing nothing wrong.

Personally I think there's a time and a place really for everything. You can still teach them how to behave at a table, but I personally don't expect my 2 year old to be able to sit at a table entertaining themselves / chatting to us for more than an hour or two without an iPad.

We usually play, chat, colour for the bit before the food comes out. They eat and are happy to eat without any screens. They get desert and are still happy and we may spend a bit longer being able to entertain them. But if we can't to stay much longer at this point, we may use the iPad after stressful tiring day. To give us some downtime, which is also important.

It's not either or. You can still teach appropriate table behaviour before you get the iPad out. If it's just a meal and go, we never use iPads. It's not necessary. It's only necessary for longer meals, in our family. And sometimes we just want to enjoy a longer meal with several courses.

Do you not get your downtime after the kids are in bed?

No I'm too tired.

Provided the iPad/phone is quiet (on silent or with headphones), it’s nothing to do with anyone else. They don’t know the circumstances.
I try not to avoid it with my toddler, but don’t judge anyone who does (as long as it’s quiet and I don’t have to listen to peppa pig!).

I never do it with mine, but everyone can make their own decisions. I know some families that felt really heavily on screen time overall and admit to judging them a little bit in my head even though I feel bad about doing so.

Well I'd rather they were watching iPads then annoying the other guests by crying, running about etc, but it's not an either/or situation. Kids (certainly non-ND kids) ought to be able to sit through a meal without needing to stare at a screen. It's obviously bad for their development (as it's addictive) as well as normalising antisocial behaviour instead of interacting with others. It teaches them that if they don't get instant gratification, they should just make a fuss until they do, and that's normal and fine. Clearly, though, it isn't.

I know this will get defensive reactions, and maybe I'm an annoying Mumsnetter with annoyingly perfect kids but my kids were screen-free until they were 11 and they've turned out OK and never annoyed anyone in a restaurant (apart from me and their dad tbf). I reckon one day we'll look back at giving screens to kids in the same way as we view the old Victorian habit of giving kids a tot of brandy to help them sleep.

Not for me, I simply wasn't going to be dragging a screen around with me as I don't carry a bag 🤷‍♀️.

I wouldn't expect to sit for two hours on a meal with children. I never brought screens on holiday as I just saw them as a pain, children had them at home for a few games and school app.

They survived without them. I would say it would be difficult to remove them once you have given them.

I give none of the *" what you do, other than the complete twits that permit their darlings to watch crap without headphones, that definitely needs to be clamped down on.

@moomoomouseey as I said, I think there are two parenting camps, and I'm in a different one to you, which is fine!

We have four children - at one point had 4 under 7, and would not have expected to sit through a long meal; we would have got babysitters if we wanted a meal as a couple. When they were little, we interacted, took toys and ate at family friendly restaurants that served food quickly to avoid boredom. We have never allowed screens at the table - (youngest is now early teens), but did expect them to sit and chat or play I spy or something.

I work with young children and have read extensive recent research about the impact of screens; it is not pleasant reading. I would still bring mine up without screens if I was doing it now; however mine are all NT, so I accept there may be different allowances for ND children.

The worst 'other people with an ipad' experience I ever had was in the waiting room at paediatric a and e with my son. He had broken his foot.
There was a mum and her little boy sitting next to us watching an American stand up comedian on their ipad. Literally every other word was fuck. It was so sweary. And she thought ut was appropriate.
When my husband asked her to not share it with the room she responded that the hospital provided wifi so expected people to watch stuff! We had to point out that it was the content we objected to!

I had my kids before people did this, but I don't judge people who do (as long as they aren't disturbing others.)
For all I know they could have been there twice as long as the people who say they would never do this. The people who would never do it might rush home once the kids get fed up after behaving for a while at the table. For all I know people who proudly never use ipads at the table could be going home and putting the TV on to enable the adults to chat longer, instead of chatting at the restaurant

I would rather take them with me, than leave them with a babysitter - especially in a different country. And I just don't see why they can't occasionally come out for a longer meal and watch an iPad.

They also watch TV at home sometimes.

Absolutely fine if they want a bit of screen time after such a good variety of activities, imho.

I'm surprised at some of the responses on here given that OP is giving her DC lots of different things to do, where's the harm with a small amount of time on devices? It's not like they're spending loads of time doing it. Part of a holiday is having relaxed downtime and not having to be 'on' every single second of the day (kids included) - people don't have to be constantly interacting with their DC on holiday imo, provided they mostly are.

I think you are right OP. For me it is all about balance. Too much time on screens is bad, but sometimes everyone just needs to switch their brain off for a bit, both parents and DC. I don't think it will harm anyone allowing screens for a bit so everyone can relax. Especially in a holiday environment, where there is probably more going on than there would be at home.