Village bullies - time to move?

[Joyjazz]

Aibu to sell a house I bought 8 months ago?

I bought a beautiful house in a village and have spent a lot of money renovating it and building an extension.

The only problem is the neighbours … I think they have a vendetta against me because I’m the newbie in the area. It started with some complaints about the builders’ noise which I could understand. I explained that the work would take x amount of time and there would still only be noise on weekdays 9-5pm. That passed.

Next it was about the parking. I have a drive and my visitors park on the road. Three neighbours have started blocking me in when a visitor’s car is on the unrestricted road. I tried to discuss it and it ended up escalating into an argument.

Next some mad neighbour reported me for running a food business from my property without a licence. I keep bees elsewhere and donated a few jars of honey to the village fete as raffle prizes . The neighbour used this as evidence that I run a food business illegally from my property.

I’ve spent a lot of money on the house. I won’t get it back if I sell any time soon. But I feel so stressed and miserable as the neighbours (4 in particular) really seem to be ganging up on me. if I move it would be back to the city which would mean a less beautiful and much smaller place.

For context, it’s just me and my child who is not yet at school.

Aibu to want to move? Wwud?

Village life can be like this I’m afraid, full of petty interfering, nosiness and one upmanship. Spent 12 years in a village in Oxfordshire and couldn’t wait to get away.

Ah, the village hierarchy.

Be. Nice. To. Everyone. It can can 10 yrs or so before you are accepted as not a newly.

Seriously, make some mum friends, and just nod and be nice to your neighbours. Maybe ask where is best for visitors to park. Say you have some spare honey and would they like some. Join any suitable village groups.

The bullies will find a new cause to get upset about soon. You mustn't let them win though. I'm sure it will settle down. Good luck, and enjoy your new home.

I forgot to mention that on bin day, one of the neighbours moves all the full bins to block my driveway and front door.

Do you know which one it is? Can you ask him/her, ever so sweetly, why they're doing that? Maybe just knowing that they've been seen and don't have a sensible response will be enough to stop them.

This is awful!. We had petty neighbours in one of our old houses, said we were runninga business from home - we were actually having materials delivered to get a new patio done. Totally bat-shit!.

I don't know how you solve it ... maybe have a loud chat on your phone in the local shop about how you have finished the renovations on this house, and ready to move on to the next, how you wonder how the family with 4 children, 5 cars and breed XL bullys are going to fit into the space, but they seem so excited to be moving to this area.... 😉

Village psyche appears similar to those opposing immigration. It appears to be a British thing not to like "others" who are not of the clan.

The rioting has its roots somewhere.....

That's appalling, disgraceful, unbelievable........except I'm sure it's true unfortunately.
Just out of curiosity.......is the new housing estate made up of purely private houses to buy, or are there any so-called "affordable" homes, Housing Association/social housing for rental, mixed in?
I ask because I'm wondering what is the basis of this hateful animosity?
Is it opposition to any new housing whatsoever, or snobbery towards HA/social housing tenants whom the delightful villagers feel vastly superior to?

Ive no doubt there is plenty of anti immigration in villages - just as it is else where.

But I also think villagers are ‘suspicious’ of townies for other reasons too. Things like buying up houses and then using them as 2nd homes - meaning houses remain empty a lot of the time. This reduces the number of people in the village and impacts on day to day life. (Fewer people using the shop or the school or the pub, meaning these can then disappear). Or buying houses to use as holiday lets - this impacts schools and dr’s etc.

Then there the townies who move in and then moan about village life - the bells, the tractors, the lack of street lighting etc.

Its not all one way!

When you have visitors and they are parking on the roadside are they taking up your neighbours spaces meaning they have to park along your driveway? The simple answer to that is for your visitors to park across your driveway. We had a neighbour who had 4 cars and they would take up everyone else's bays (not numbered though but worked out one bay per house) it was infuriating!!

About half the people where I live are incomers, like me. The few businesses here are more than happy to serve me because they can't afford to be fussy about where their revenue comes from! People who grew up in the village all know one another, so it feels a bit cliquey, though most people aren't out and out hostile. If I were you, I'd cultivate the least difficult neighbour a bit, and see if you can get the clique to unravel.

When your dc joins school, you’ll make new friends etc.

in the meantime don’t let any of this shit slide. Park where you need to and tell them that someone’s cleaner doesn’t have priority and we all have to get along on this unrestricted road.

they are betting you won’t push back, but do so. Show them you’re not a pushover and they will move on to others.

they block your drive with bins, move them to their own driveway every single time

we have arseholes for neighbours in this ‘oh so vair naice’ village, and it’s because nobody has stood up to them.

Meant to add, we’ve absolutely (legal process) battered our neighbours into submission, half the village are applauding us, the other half know not to fuck with us. Result.

@Joyjazz you won’t need to declare anything unless it’s on record.

That's the worst thing you can do, please op don't listen to advice like that it will just cause things to escalate.

Villages are typically more reliant on neighbourliness than cities - crap public transport, lack of local shop, takes longer for locksmith, emergency plumber, electrician, broadband repair, etc etc. So sometimes theres more of the old-fashioned "getting to know the neighbours" stuff than you'd expect in cities... and if you've not done that they maybe feel snubbed?
They could be v pissed off about the building work, if it was noisy and went on for a while and they didn't feel you'd explained how long it would last etc.?
Your visitors parking might be legal but inconsiderate?

Or your neighbours could just be wankers.

Wow its really sad. Having lived in a rural village all my life, I know it is tricky being a new person. One couple left after a year as people were too friendly, always introducing themselves and suggesting local groups or societies to join.

What do you actually like doing, outside of your own home and friendship circle?

If you meet some other locals who are into that, you might start to feel more integrated.

Also, you'll meet parents through school as pp said. Its not easy I know.

I read it as 'gift them some money ' as was like whaaaat, giving them money to bribe them off 😂

They are testing you op. Eight months is classic, long enough for the niceties (if there were any) to wear off and the power play to set in. Single parents are “easy” targets.

Agree with others, don’t let them push you out. If it’s a beautiful house; there is probably an element of jealousy at play.

Try and meet them half way. Warn them in advance next time you have any work done; which is the polite thing to do. Politely confront the person who spread rumours about you running a food business from home. Take them a jar of honey, explain they have the wrong end of the stick and tell them you “just wanted to make it clear that this was incorrect information”

Hold your head up and go about your day as breezily as possible. Invite your family and friends. Let them see you have people who support you. And as others have said, make other friends in the village, maybe some parents of dc your child’s age? Form a baby-sitting circle? And invite them around too.

Maybe decide to stick it out and try not making any big decisions either way for a year and see how you feel then?

Good luck op and sorry they have been so miserable and unwelcoming. They sound awful.

"they block your drive with bins, move them to their own driveway every single time"

"That's the worst thing you can do..."

Really?

You think it's better to leave the neighbour's bins which have been deliberately placed to block the OP's drive where they are to avoid things "escalating"?

If your long term goal is peaceful relations with your neighbours - then yes!

If you have space I would be tempted to commandeer them. When they get cross just say that as they put them on your drive you thought they were kindly making them available for your use...

I found I got bullied a lot when I was a single mum because I was on my own. I lived in a town in a nice house that I bought and it was just non stop.
When the people next door one of whom was a health visitor began throwing cat poo at my front door I had to report it to the police. I was very upset.
There were loads of cats in the neighbourhood, they had no way of knowing it was my cat.
As soon as I got a boyfriend all of this bullying stopped. It helped that he was a big biker type.
People are shit.

Fuck them! Don't move because of them!

I can just imagine what these people are like 😏
Don’t be bullied from your lovely home.

re: “I forgot to mention that on bin day, one of the neighbours moves all the full bins to block my driveway and front door.

Ive read your posts but NRTFT -
Do you have a Ring doorbell or similar to film them doing this and other petty Mcpetty deeds.
If not, get one, start to collate your evidence and post it all over local Facebook groups for the world to see what absolute bullying pricks they are 💪🏻

I didn't mention the bins what I am saying is don't escalate things.

I am not the sort of person who apologised for not doing anything wrong. Kow tow just elevates them even more. I worked out who the doyens of the village were - very quickly, and who the ring leaders were who complained about everything. DH and me did stand up to them. We’ve had to put up with a catalogue of complaints but we always win. Because we are in the right. It’s provided us with like minded friends. Others still love reporting folk, not including them, objecting to every planning application etc. It will never stop so I’m not being nice by offering anything to them. What on earth is the point? Thd leopards won’t change their spots.

Tip over the bins, place a giant butt plug in amongst the rubbish. Then take a photo & post on the village FB pages to ask who the bins belong too.....😂😜