Village bullies - time to move?

[Joyjazz]

Aibu to sell a house I bought 8 months ago?

I bought a beautiful house in a village and have spent a lot of money renovating it and building an extension.

The only problem is the neighbours … I think they have a vendetta against me because I’m the newbie in the area. It started with some complaints about the builders’ noise which I could understand. I explained that the work would take x amount of time and there would still only be noise on weekdays 9-5pm. That passed.

Next it was about the parking. I have a drive and my visitors park on the road. Three neighbours have started blocking me in when a visitor’s car is on the unrestricted road. I tried to discuss it and it ended up escalating into an argument.

Next some mad neighbour reported me for running a food business from my property without a licence. I keep bees elsewhere and donated a few jars of honey to the village fete as raffle prizes . The neighbour used this as evidence that I run a food business illegally from my property.

I’ve spent a lot of money on the house. I won’t get it back if I sell any time soon. But I feel so stressed and miserable as the neighbours (4 in particular) really seem to be ganging up on me. if I move it would be back to the city which would mean a less beautiful and much smaller place.

For context, it’s just me and my child who is not yet at school.

Aibu to want to move? Wwud?

We had this when we moved to a new development in a village! My teacher actually told the other children not to speak to me in case they “caught” my accent.

That was almost 40 years ago, and our end of the village is still known as “that new estate”. Most of the village houses date from the 60s and 70s, so why people still have their knickers in such a twist about an 80s housing development I have no idea.

This same village also tried to stop a wind turbine being built on “Mill Post Hill”, sacred site of a former windmill which collapsed in the 50s. You might think putting a windmill up on the site of a previous windmill would be welcomed, but no, apparently it is disrespectful to the memory of the former windmill.

We're in a similar position but have had so much interference from being reported for anything we do, from renting a room to putting up a fence in the garden (on our land), we've had letters through our door & even a dead magpie left on our doorstep, oh & the parking....! It's the stuff folk horror book's are made of. We've been here 6 months & are now moving, are also set to lose money but in our case it's so bad we don't care anymore.

In your position I'd give myself a timeframe & if it doesn't pan out you aren't stuck there life is too short, move

If you sold up you would need to declare as there are specific questions in the sellers pack and certainly if you reported to the police. If you failed to do so and the buyer suffered the same they could come back to you legally for misrepresentation.

Find some crack addict pimps, sell your house at a loss to them, that'll show them!

Jealousy - hard as it is, try to ignore it if you can. I live in a rural hamlet (not even enough people to call it a village), and whilst most people are nice and it’s a sociable community, it’s very, very insular and couldn’t be more different from city living.

There is a weird sort of hierarchy, in which people who’ve been here the longest (particularly those who’ve grown up here and live in inherited property) feel proprietorial about everything - including their neighbours’ houses/gardens/land/road access - especially when those neighbours are ‘new’ (anyone resident for less than about 20 years). Houses are referred to as ‘Joan & Geoff’s place’, even though Joan and Geoff haven’t lived there for 40 years and are probably dead.

There have been some long-running beefs between certain households, and everybody gossips and pitches in with opinions on what people should or shouldn’t be doing, so tensions can be whipped up quite quickly - and some people are just vindictive and nothing pleases them more than being given a reason to spy on and police their neighbours, so it suits them to keep stirring.

One of the cardinal sins is home improvement/alteration of any description. Most of the old timers live in places that are virtually falling down round their ears, so woe betide anyone coming in with notions of putting on a small extension or whatever. There’ll be dark mutterings about ‘why buy a house here just to alter it?’, complaints about noise, access, etc, probably a few anonymous calls to the council, definitely objections to planning permission. But it’s all basically down to jealousy - they don’t like change and they don’t like to see other people spending money.

As someone said upthread, OP, hang on in there. There will be nice, normal people around and you’ll eventually find them. Make an effort to get involved in community stuff as far as you can and find a few friends. You won’t be the only person to have suffered at the hands of these few arseholes. Don’t let them drive you out of your lovely home.

You don’t need to put anything about “disputes” that aren’t with solicitors or police. Awful neighbours aren’t an issue. A bigger issue is a quick sale. Just don’t mention village harassment. If you report it to the police, you will have to mention it. We’ve had the bin stunt too. My neighbour refused to let me get out of my car on my own drive. Held the door closed. I should have called the police.

When we were proved right about not providing a stile in a field fence, the complaining person wrote to us and said “you were right ON THIS OCCASION”. As we make a point of doing what we should, we just had a laugh. These people just don’t know when to stop.

We moved nearly 30 years ago, it was horrible as neighbours were so nasty. I wish I'd packed up and left then. I did all the apologising and being nice. It just meant they saw me as a fool who they could walk over. DH is 80 and disabled and won't move now, for years it was hard due to schools and so on. I'm trapped and my advice to the OP is the opposite to yours, I'd say leave now.

@EnjoythemoneyJane We have a self imposed hierarchy. Definitely not longest residents. We are one of those. More to do with who’s prepared to uphold self imposed rules and complain. They find each other. We are so lucky not to need village people or events. In fact we aren’t a village either. Just around 30 houses. We are here solely due to location and a refusal to be pushed out.

The shit person who fenced off part of our wood as an annexe for his shepherds hut (yes, you couldn’t make it up) is a Professor. Thinks he’s superior. We removed his fence and put up our own in the correct place. He knew where the boundary was. Cheeky as hell. Trust no one.

I think once your child starts school you will naturally feel more ingratiated into the local community, so stick it out. I found it hard to make friends where I live initially but once school started I developed a lovely network of like-minded people in similar circumstances to me, and I feel like I have found my place a bit more now.

Please don't let them bully you out of your home. They are nasty people who need standing up to. Stay strong OP.

How are they blocking you in and obstructing your front door with the bins, is your drive at the front. They can't cause an obstruction or your exit, the police and fire brigade have advice on this. They sound petty and jealous, can you join any local mums or toddler groups, make some new friends and ignore these idiots.,

Oh god, the CF boundary dispute! Exactly the same thing happened in a nearby village when a newbie (utterly vile, arrogant POS) annexed a huge section of his neighbour’s garden. Lots of houses don’t have fences or clearly defined boundaries between them so he just randomly decided what was his! Then spent literally years and an absolute fortune trying to legally argue his case. The stress and expense nearly drove his neighbours out of their home.

Where I live the presiding clique is definitely those who’ve always lived here, but with the exception of the odd nut job we all rub along ok. One woman only spoke to me once, 20+ years ago, to issue a summons invitation for me to bring my children to Sunday school. I politely declined and she’s done nothing since but give me a thunderous slice of shit eye and badmouth me to other people 😂.

There’s also a bloke who’s psychotic about policing and reporting every minor planning infringement, even once clambering through barbed wire and brambles to take long lens photos of the back of someone’s house. A visit from the police put a swift stop to that. There are fucking mad, awful people everywhere, but it definitely feels more magnified when the social pool is so limited!

@EnjoythemoneyJane The boundary is totally clear in his deeds and ours. His field backs onto our wooded section. We walked down there one day and found barbed wire in our way. An area had been blocked off with barbed wire! We now have a much more substantial fence between them and us. He said the deer couldn’t jump it! They don’t need to as they have lots of options to move about.

Our vigilantes go into overdrive re planning. No holding back.

Pour your honey on their cars when they block you in.

What’s your end game? Living as happily as possible in your beautiful home with lots of space? I counsel avoiding upping the ante. If you do decide to move you absolutely do not want festering neighbour disputes impacting on selling. If you want to stay, you want to be comfortable, without festering disputes.

Villages can be f*ing weird. So can cities and suburbs. All neighbourhoods have their own particular rules of engagement. I’ve lived just outside an oddball little village for almost 50 years. My dear late FIL advised ‘Smile and wave. Kill with kindness’.

You may have inadvertently offended. You may be being judged for being a single parent. Your neighbours may be obnoxious ratbags.

Figure out what you want, be patient, get your visitors to park on your drive. Child starting school will hopefully open positive opportunities to engage with the community.

No one should be bullied, but to quote my FIL again, more than one way to skin a cat. I find the idea of reporting this sort of stuff to police laughable. They haven’t the resources. Keep your powder dry for rights of way, drainage, boundary disputes, should they arise, and use lawyers if you have to. Confronting will not work. Asking questions about bins and blocking your drive might. Killing with kindness might.

Lots of good suggestions about working to find your space have been made up thread.

And if they are toxic nutjobs who make it unpalatable to live there, plan your exit to suit you

Good luck. I’m so sorry you’re having this nonsense and hope you find a way to make it work

@Iwasafool sorry to read of your experience. Horrible for you feeling so stuck and regretting not making a move years ago.

Ignore them, they sound dreadful. Make new friends with school mums. If they’re old they won’t be around for long 😉

Regarding the parking, you know that is ridiculous. Do not cave to that nonsense.
Regarding the bins, take photos and post in local group saying this keeps happening, why would anyone do this? Are kids moving these bins? If you see who is doing this let me know etc.
Or be petty and move in a similar way to block theirs, or knock them over or move them out of the way depending what mood you are in... Or maybe after they are emptied move them farther away and be a bit of an arse yourself.
Honestly, I'd probably kill them with kindness and talk with them but given their bstshit thinking on parking I'm not sure it would work.
I agree that offering things free locally and getting involved in a local activity or group might save your sanity.

we've had letters through our door & even a dead magpie left on our doorstep

My neighbour refused to let me get out of my car on my own drive. Held the door closed.

This same village also tried to stop a wind turbine being built on “Mill Post Hill”, sacred site of a former windmill which collapsed in the 50s. You might think putting a windmill up on the site of a previous windmill would be welcomed, but no, apparently it is disrespectful to the memory of the former windmill.

This is awful bullying behaviour. I definitely wouldn’t kill them with kindness or do anything differently like parking elsewhere why should you? I’d get a ring doorbell for starters or a camera which is probably good anyway if you are on your own. I’d also log the incidents and maybe have a chat with the local PCSO if there is one. As PP have said this is harassment. You don’t need to make a formal complaint at this stage just get some advice and it will help you feel a bit more in control.

You’ll make other friends in time through school or other areas of the village please don’t let them push you away.

Easier said than done, but ride it out if you can, it would be unfair to lose money on selling your
House, and your visitors have every right to park on the road. Just because people are used to parking there it is not their spaces, it is a public road that everyone can park there. What a petty bunch to be reporting you As well. Hopefully you will meet nice people as time goes on. Good luck.

Start by getting a Ring door bell, so you can monitor it.
then document every piece of antisocial behaviour.

similar issue in our village and the instigator got an ASBO!

Sounds painfully familiar, this. We moved to what was then the 'new' bit of our old village in 2007. People would insist that we weren't part of Nether Fucklethwaite, we were a separate community called Wedontwantthatthereere Park (names obviously changed), even though we were in the same postcode area and all the rest of it.

It was quite tedious - and ultimately futile, as there have in the past 12 years or so been half a dozen further new estates built all round the edges of the village, with another in planning now.

This is NOT typical village behaviour! My neighbours were lovely from the minute we moved here - although it took a while to become friends as they were quite private people. I joined a local club and it's been great ever since. OP's neighbours sound challenging, but most people are lovely when you find things in common and misunderstandings can usually be dealt with.

Does the village have a sort of ‘leader figure’ even if not official that everyone looks to in community life who may be able to help and advise you? Might be the local counselor, vicar or main business owner. Not sure if that still exists but it did in my grandparents village.