Village bullies - time to move?

[Joyjazz]

Aibu to sell a house I bought 8 months ago?

I bought a beautiful house in a village and have spent a lot of money renovating it and building an extension.

The only problem is the neighbours … I think they have a vendetta against me because I’m the newbie in the area. It started with some complaints about the builders’ noise which I could understand. I explained that the work would take x amount of time and there would still only be noise on weekdays 9-5pm. That passed.

Next it was about the parking. I have a drive and my visitors park on the road. Three neighbours have started blocking me in when a visitor’s car is on the unrestricted road. I tried to discuss it and it ended up escalating into an argument.

Next some mad neighbour reported me for running a food business from my property without a licence. I keep bees elsewhere and donated a few jars of honey to the village fete as raffle prizes . The neighbour used this as evidence that I run a food business illegally from my property.

I’ve spent a lot of money on the house. I won’t get it back if I sell any time soon. But I feel so stressed and miserable as the neighbours (4 in particular) really seem to be ganging up on me. if I move it would be back to the city which would mean a less beautiful and much smaller place.

For context, it’s just me and my child who is not yet at school.

Aibu to want to move? Wwud?

Sounds like single mother hatred. I know that one well enough 🙄
Don't let them win

Also, they probably presume you're renting because as I said above, single mother resentment. Which usually comes from those who like to stereotype. Again, from experience, prejudice against renters is still very much a thing in many communities, infuriatingly and frankly, bafflingly so.

Why do they object to parking on the road? Is there a valid reason, such as the school bus not being able to get past easily, or it causing problems for tractors. Or does it cause issues for pedestrians with children or buggies?

Don't let them drive you away, but try to work out if there is a genuine grievance. If not, just maintain calm quiet indifference at their attitude.

It’s honestly because you are a single mother and to these people have no status. I’m not saying it’s right, but if I had a child there I wouldn’t stick at it. Try other members of the village but if you get nowhere, get packing. People like this don’t improve

This is the craziest shit I've ever read on Mumsnet, Jesus f c. Why hasn't anyone who isn't siding with the nutters, standing up for what's right? This is borderline harassment 😵

Don't move. When people block you in your drive take pictures, and make your own complaint.

Don’t move but maybe speak to police about continuous unfounded harrassment. See if they can “have a word” to whoever is bitching about you to maybe stop wasting police time.

Is there a village Whatsapp? That can be useful for getting a feel for what's going on and where you might have allies. Also, it's useful for getting rid of stuff you don't want (has to be for free) and talking to people who come and pick it up. Village people like newbies to contribute so have a look out for events that require raffle prizes or cake making as that's a nice easy way to show you're taking part.

It reminds me of those awful men on the Parish council that Jackie Wheeler had to deal with

Thanks everyone. These neighbours really are something else. I’m thinking I might try and ride it out following the words of wisdom on here.

Those who picked up in the single mum thing, I think there’s some truth in that. I’m pretty sure most of this wouldn’t be happening if I had a male partner strutting around 🫤

About the parking, the road is narrow but the objection is that the neighbours think the road spaces right outside my house are “Alan’s” and for “Betty’s cleaner”. They said I can’t just move here and have visitors parking where I like even though it’s a road with unrestricted parking.

I forgot to mention that on bin day, one of the neighbours moves all the full bins to block my driveway and front door.

if I sold up, would I have to declare all this as a problem/dispute? What if I logged some of this as harassment with the police?

Yes before you move, try to rise above it one last time "I feel like you"ve been unneighbourly (cold) towards me. Is that your intention?"

Nothing to lose if you're thinking of moving. My last neighbours were awful. Really iced me. Couldn't get a nod hello out of them. New ones are drilling and sawing and banging at all hours but I know it will die down soon.

there’s a facebook page which is dominated by the problem
neighbours. Good idea to try and get involved elsewhere though. Might see what’s happening at the school in September

So they are discriminating against you because of your marital status as you are a single mother. Worth remembering if it gets to the stage of having to report it to the police.

Wow 😮 your village sounds vile and that all sounds really stressful. Sorry you’ve endured far worse than this for nearly 40 years!

I'm a single parent and I think some of the very ordinary neighbours were champing at the bit to look down on somebody.

Ps, I really don't think you have to disclose "the neighbours are as cold as ice" if they're not running a business, breeding loud dogs, hosting band practice....

This is terrible advice. OP has done nothing wrong. I would not move a single muscle to pander to these people!

Utter shits. Hope your bees sting them...somehow.

Agreed. Fawning over bullies only makes them worse. OP should ignore them and log harrassment with the police. And focus on finding as many allies as possible, whether from the village or elsewhere.

@Joyjazz you are not being unreasonable but seriously, I would rise above their shit!! keep you head up and stay where you are with your child. village life is better for your child. In my village you are not really classed as a local till you have been here about 20 years!!

I also attempted to join in when we moved in. It soon became clear that there’s a cabal with no interest in welcoming anyone. They admit people like them. So it’s a very divided community. They are the serial objectors but also run events. So we now go to nothing. However we are super busy and don’t miss anything put on by the village. DH has a drink with a few guys. I do nothing here socially but in 37 years, we’ve never been invited anywhere, despite hosting things here.

The village “ball” was bring your own food to the village common and set up a gazebo! They can have that happily without us. A few of us ran the village ball 30 years ago and it was good fun. Then they argued about it (they didn’t like the caterer making a profit!) and a resident reported it to the council because of noise at 11 pm! I knew who it was. We were raising money to refurbish the village hall. It’s just impossible to please everyone.

So I reality would stand your ground and don’t be driven out. A few people might be normal. As for the road - park in it!

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld DH and me are the only ones here who are born and bred around here! It’s those who discover the countryside who are the worst. They want it preserved in aspic. They want everything “traditional”. It’s totally ridiculous.

We've just moved to a small rural town (not even a village) and people here hate it when people move here from the city. We're destroying the local community somehow (???) We just laugh it off to be honest, i certainly wouldnt let them push me out. There's a ton of new builds going up and I already feel sorry for the people who buy them.

Stick it out, enjoy your beautiful house and peaceful surroundings.

These people aren't important to you. You might find things change a bit when your child starts school and you get to know more people in the wider area but until then sod it, how often do you need to speak to them?

The building works are over, have an objective look at the parking situation (not that they should have blocked you in) but in case there's somewhere visitors can go that will affect their visibility less when pulling out or something.

Try to see the funny side of honey gate. That shows they're petty and set in their ways in the extreme but most likely harmless. I would consider a beautiful handmade sign saying 'honeybee cottage' or similar.

Don't bother to try and win them round other than being civil as you normally would. It's change they can't process, not you personally.

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.

If you do decide to move, make sure you sell to the most anti social people possible. Preferably with several kids.