Village bullies - time to move?

[Joyjazz]

Aibu to sell a house I bought 8 months ago?

I bought a beautiful house in a village and have spent a lot of money renovating it and building an extension.

The only problem is the neighbours … I think they have a vendetta against me because I’m the newbie in the area. It started with some complaints about the builders’ noise which I could understand. I explained that the work would take x amount of time and there would still only be noise on weekdays 9-5pm. That passed.

Next it was about the parking. I have a drive and my visitors park on the road. Three neighbours have started blocking me in when a visitor’s car is on the unrestricted road. I tried to discuss it and it ended up escalating into an argument.

Next some mad neighbour reported me for running a food business from my property without a licence. I keep bees elsewhere and donated a few jars of honey to the village fete as raffle prizes . The neighbour used this as evidence that I run a food business illegally from my property.

I’ve spent a lot of money on the house. I won’t get it back if I sell any time soon. But I feel so stressed and miserable as the neighbours (4 in particular) really seem to be ganging up on me. if I move it would be back to the city which would mean a less beautiful and much smaller place.

For context, it’s just me and my child who is not yet at school.

Aibu to want to move? Wwud?

Village life can be lovely. But you have to embrace it and get involved. It's different to a town in that respect.

You don't say the size of the village. But my suggestion would be to join a committee or two, make sure you make friends with the local shop owner. Is the primary school in the village or a neighbouring one? If in the village again get involved. School gates can be tricky - but talk to everyone and develop a thick skin. It won't take long to work out who is who and who you want to be friends with.

If its 'just' a couple of neighbours being unpleasant, embrace the rest of the village culture so you are the popular one - they will then soon back off.

After a year of two you can sit back - but you do have to put yourself out there to begin with. And it will take time!

I think sometimes people move from cities/towns to villages to live a secluded life - that's not how it really works. If anything, it is much easier to live a secluded lifestyle in a town/city.

Sometimes you have to stand your ground and keep a dignified silence in the face of bullying. I've had to keep quiet for more than a year while a neighbour has denigrated me at every opportunity. I finally thought by now after getting no reaction for so long they would be bored but two days ago found out the most outrageous lie they had spread that I know nobody with a modicum of sense believes anyway. It's tedious and wearing but giving a reaction is a fatal mistake with people like this.

Hide their bins until after the binmen have been (or take them for a very long walk).

seriously?

That is absolutely insane. And frankly, quite disgusting behaviour. 'Rioting' against 'outsiders' via non-violent means.

What is wrong with so many small minded people in this country!

Don’t sell, move back to the city and turn your village house into an Airbnb specialising in Hen Do Party Weekends

Then they would have something to complain about

Obviously not 🤣

I spent 12 years in a village

Never ever again.

I could go years without talking to anyone other than dh

I am not Christian and I don’t drink

Came across the village Facebook page and it looks like not a lot has changed in the 30 years since we left. All about church timings and church events. Even the flower arranging class was about church flowers and what new ales the pub has

there’s no “obviously” about shite advice being a joke on mumsnet!

I wonder by the same token if the previous occupant had an issue with these same neighbours and the OP has a case??

I would move them back to their property and leave them on their drive. Hopefully the bin men won’t take them or nudge them out of the way with your car so they fall over.

Then complain to them about making sure their bins are upright and not on an area they could fall over

I think you should ride it out. There will be other people in the village who you will get on with. I have the 'wrong' accent and it took a couple of years for my face to be known and for people to stop politely enquiring whether I live in the village. But I've joined in a couple of groups and have made friends. I help out on stalls at the fêtes. DH has fallen out with all our neighbours and they don't talk but I've been super polite and so they have come to tolerate me and we'll talk. So yeah - give it time!

Usually to get on a committee you have to be nominated. How does that work if everyone views you as an outsider to be ignored

I work in a village and l know l couldn't live there too but don't let them bully you out op

I was called a dirty southerner.

I come from way more north than this village. My accent was a dead give away if the villagers had actually travelled more than 5 miles from where they were born

What you need are some metropolitan city friends, that’s to say, non-white friends visiting you. I would play tit for tat. Antagonise and make them crazy. Report them when they get too much for harassing you.

We tried village life in t’countryside many years ago. We knew almost immediately it was a mistake due to petty behaviour.

It took 10 years to move back to London such were the losses incurred.

The day we set foot back in London was the day of the rest of the beginning of our lives.

Id rather have a small 2 bedroom place in London than a 4 bed out in the sticks.

If you’ve got a child, then a leafy suburb like Richmond, Surbiton, New Malden would be great. You meet so many parents when your child starts school. And despite it being London I can’t go into my local surburb parade of shops without meeting someone I know, usually a parent from school. It’s like the best parts of village life without the pettiness. And you have tons of neighbours so you always feel safe and even better, they have lives, so couldn’t give a shit about yours. So many classes and clubs to choose from. All within walking distance mostly.

Reporting you to to local council, literally Wtf?? I’d leave without looking back.

I would look at how much you would get out if it on a buy to let or holiday let mortgage and move back to the city

When we moved we sold very quickly

My dh went to the pub for one final drink and apparently met “the buyer” of our house.
He said it was a bizarre conversation (I think for the first time he truly understood the crap I had been putting up with)

One of his friends said they were buying our house. Dh looking confused said he thought we were selling to someone else. Friend told him that the estate agent and solicitor tell the seller they have a buyer so they can create interest. Then they wait a few weeks, then people get interested because the house was sold and then they get to view the property and make offers.
Everytime dh said we had exchanged and we were completing the day after he was told by a few of his friends that we weren’t

I saw this friend watching as the removal company loaded the van the next day. I was expecting him to ask if he could do a viewing

This. It took us 12 years and a loss of £25k for us to move.

We made back the £25k within 10 months of buying in a leafy london suburb

You will find if you sit back and wait liars eventually get caught out.

I would hate to be in your situation but I wouldn’t let them force me to move. Try really hard to be breezy with them. It will help reduce your stress levels while likely infuriating to them. Something like -

”Hi neighbour. You seem like a clever guy so I’m sure you know that you can’t block my car in and prevent me from using it. And that I am perfectly within my rights to have your car towed if you do that again. I will do that if you block me in again. Have a great day.”

Many are not voted on - like local fetes etc. Volunteers are so hard to come by that mostly they’d accept anyone who even looks vaguely interested or sat in the wrong seat at the wrong time. Unless they have something really against you (unlikely even if you are a new comer) they’ll accept help in any form.

Of course there are exceptions and some communities are really bat shit (as per some peoples comments on here) but most if you put in the effort to get involved, you’ll be accepted. You’ll be the newbie for years - but you’ll be accepted.

I have friends who moved to an idyllic spot and did some much resented restoration and building work.

They had a wretched time with their neighbours who constantly complained about them on spurious grounds. I can say that it had a substantial impact on the physical, mental, and emotional health of the family. (In combination with a remarkably aggressive family that was moved into a property with an unauthorised used car business.)

Several people lost money over time by not moving in response to the unpleasantness not only because of the hostility but because the portfolio of complaints was so substantial.

Hi OP. This is typical i'm afraid. People who live in small villages in huge houses with lots of land are extremely territorial and can be very unwelcoming. Appeasement will make it worse. People like that tend to be retired and very wealthy with not much to do. When they did work they were important so still have a big ego which is now a bit dented as they are no longer a CEO or whatever terribly important job they did before.
It is up to you if you move or not. Your house is done now and the food complaint is done. Hopefully they will get bored of parking.
Hold your head high, don't appease, they have nothing to do and this will fuel them.