Village bullies - time to move?

[Joyjazz]

Aibu to sell a house I bought 8 months ago?

I bought a beautiful house in a village and have spent a lot of money renovating it and building an extension.

The only problem is the neighbours … I think they have a vendetta against me because I’m the newbie in the area. It started with some complaints about the builders’ noise which I could understand. I explained that the work would take x amount of time and there would still only be noise on weekdays 9-5pm. That passed.

Next it was about the parking. I have a drive and my visitors park on the road. Three neighbours have started blocking me in when a visitor’s car is on the unrestricted road. I tried to discuss it and it ended up escalating into an argument.

Next some mad neighbour reported me for running a food business from my property without a licence. I keep bees elsewhere and donated a few jars of honey to the village fete as raffle prizes . The neighbour used this as evidence that I run a food business illegally from my property.

I’ve spent a lot of money on the house. I won’t get it back if I sell any time soon. But I feel so stressed and miserable as the neighbours (4 in particular) really seem to be ganging up on me. if I move it would be back to the city which would mean a less beautiful and much smaller place.

For context, it’s just me and my child who is not yet at school.

Aibu to want to move? Wwud?

You're not being unreasonable at all but seriously do not let them push you out. Some people are so bitter and miserable that they will attack 'outsiders' just for the sake of it. Give it some time and you'll find some nice people in the village and I bet they'll have had bad experiences with this lot too!

I think you just need to ride it out.

They didn't like the noise - fair enough really, and you've now confined it to 9-5 with no more complaints.

They don't like your visitors parking on the road. Hard to comment on this one. Are your visitors causing any issues by parking there? Do they park on your road even though you have space on your drive?

One person thought you were running a business and reported you - again, fair enough. Luckily, you weren't and that's the end of that.

People don't like change and villages are notorious for it. It's hard to be anonymous or keep yourself to yourself. I'd be killing them with kindness for an easy life.

Build bridges. Talk to your neighbours. Apologise for getting off on the wrong foot. Gift them some honey. Explain that the bees are off site and not commercial. Eat crow. Ask about parking, and listen. Apologise a bit more.

People can be really WEIRDLY specific about parking in villages and once you are on the wrong side it can take a bit of coming back

What a horrible situation...keep records of things that are happening and if they escalate report to the Police.

This 100%

Please don’t move, it should get better…..time.
Can you nurture friendships (and therefore support) in other places - village hall, coffee morning, library, playgroup, pub, church?

I would say take up your space and be seen in it - if you have any male family or friends encourage them to call round at random times - simply as a presence.

Hard as it is, try and have an air of nonchalance, as though these people are invisible and don’t matter to you.

Sending you strength (from someone else who has to assert boundaries with neighbours who take liberties they wouldn’t dare consider - if my man was here).

Sounds awful, but the next neighbours could be awful too.

Mine are unfriendly on one side and weird on the other side. I think they think I'm the problem.

The petty part of me would be to spread rumours about each of them claiming they came from the other three.

Otherwise I think the best strategy is to work out what you have in common with them. There must be something!

Also find out the house history. Was it built against the village wishes? Owner by a loved villager? Supposed to pass to someone on a will but didn't?

This is just typical villager behaviour unfortunately- petty, nasty and usually does not last. I am going to guess they have lived there forever, their world has changed and they are throwing a tantrum.

Try and get yourself known to others in the village and I am sure there will be a few stories to be heard.

There will be clans in the village too, there will be a group of people who hate these ones. Find them.

If you try to sell you have to complete the sellers pack which includes specific questions about disputes with neighbours / parking etc. if you didn’t declare this and the new owners were subject to the same treatment they would have recourse legally to you. Anyway why should you move and make a loss - I’m sure bridges can be built.

The noise of the building work has finished. The running of a food business has been dealt with and the other issue of visitors parking - only you will know whether it is unreasonable i.e. could they park on your drive ? , it the road narrow etc. and whether you could make alternative arrangements - ask what the neighbours do.

Villages can be tricky for “incomers” as usually the neighbours have been there together for a “million” years and have fallen into a routine which works for all, and probably your house was owned by a long standing member of the village and in their minds no need to do any work as the house was “lovely” .

I’m sure everything will calm down now the building works have finished and if you ask for their advice about the parking I’m sure you can build good neighbourly relations.

Have you considered giving them all glitter? Not even in a bottle, just lots of glitter. That will make you even more popular 😁

Seriously, this is awful but from what I've read on mumsnet not unique to you at all, it seems lots of people experience this in villages.
Personally I'd talk to them, drop off some honey and casually drop the fact it's not a commercial business into chat. (BTW I would love a neighbour who kept bees! I enjoy interesting people, come live near me!) Be pleasant but not too friendly they don't realise you have your wits.

Not nice neighbours can take the shine off a place, but you don't work with them, socialise with them, they're just there, doing their dull shitty thing, ignore them and do your nice happy thing. Fuck em.

And probably don't give them glitter unless they're real arseholes to you.

It’s awful but definitely ride it out. Just play polite and let it wash over you the best you can. Over time they will mellow. Don’t ever trust any of them but don’t let them win!!

Call the police if they block you in. Show the bastards you won't be intimidated!!!!!

Oh I’d kill them with kindness. Invite them all round for drinks one evening…alcohol always helps 🙂

Be charming to them, and maybe structure the invite around the fact that as the building work is finished, maybe they’d like to take a look?

Then they won’t probably be so un neighbourly towards you. If any of the contentious issues crop up, you can discuss in person.

I live in a village in a newish house that had a lot of opposition when it was built.

The guys who were most against it were one of the first people I had over. We now have a far better relationship. We’ll never be best buddies but they begrudgingly agreed that it ‘was quite a nice house’ 🤣

@Joyjazz Are you in my village? That’s the sort of crap a few of us have experienced over the years.

My particular problems have been a newspaper article about us unlawfully wanting to move a footpath (it was lawfully repositioned), numerous objections to various planning applications, many with bile directed at us. (PPs all approved), letters about not providing a stile (why would we?) into our land, being shouted at for actually driving a car (too big), holly hedges grown outwards to scratch our cars, tin tacks on our drive, cutting a fence and taking our land (fence reinstated PDQ), rumours about what DH did for a living and bungs (no, he’s not a property developer) because we got pp, attending an Inquiry about another footpath issue and telling the Inspector we bribed everyone to support the footpath diversion by buying them all theatre tickets (untrue and accuser told to withdraw comment), We were reported to council as we resurfaced a bridleway. The council abandoned it as a road in 1948 so was potholed. Neighbour objected to surface. Plenty more incidents.

Neighbours had shed burnt down before we moved in.. Another neighbour was reported to have asbestos on his land (he didn’t), Nasty things written about others seeking pp - all
the time. Lies. Relentless picking on new people. Still happening to us after 37 years. Still here but we ignore half the village Total shits who don’t deserve a second of our time! Your problems are mundane in comparison to the shit here!

Categorically don’t move on the basis of this behaviour alone.

I smiled when I read your post because it sounds so familiar. Much like every village I have ever lived in.

The secret is to avoid the petty / unfriendly people in the village and find one or two you like. Hopefully that will be easier when your DC starts school.

The building work is over, you have no worries about the business and that just leaves the parking. Is that causing a nuisance / irritation?

I have a neighbour whose visitors (often two or three at a time) always park outside my house or in my driveway parking space, despite the fact that she has plenty or parking space at her own property. She also leaves her overflowing bins on the pavement right outside my kitchen window, sometimes for days at a time, has loud parties and tries to convince us that she is not running a business from her outhouse. Despite the fact that it is patently clear that she is doing so.

None of that excites me too much, but it is an irritation and an indication of how there are always two ways of looking at everything.

She probably thinks her neighbours are standoffish, I find her irritating, but try to convince myself she is not being deliberately disrespectful. Other neighbours are much more upset by her behaviour.

I think living happily in a village requires an extra level of sensitivity / empathy. I go out of my way not to upset my neighbours, try to contribute to community life by helping at village events etc and try my hardest to turn a blind eye when a neighbour does something that irritates me.

Don't move, Try to become part of the wider village community and give it time !!

Agree with standing your ground and killing with kindness. These lot sound small minded and perhaps not very bright.

Don't move after all your hard work. Just try to ignore their petty nonsense.

I have an issue with my neighbours which for a long time really upset me.

Now I just carry on with my life and refuse to waste time worrying

My friend lives in a small village and she is one of the very few that will talk to people who have moved into the nearby new housing estate. Obviously the villagers completely opposed it but when it got approved did they just accept it? Not they didn’t

There were meetings held by the majority of village to see if they could bar any kids from the new builds going to the village primary school (they couldn’t)

They were up in arms when they realised the postal address for the new builds would include the name of the village and did everything to try and get this changed?

The shop owner was told he would be boycotted if he served any of the people form the new build. Luckily he was not batshit crazy and ignored them. They soon came around after a couple of weeks of having to go somewhere else when they needed milk/bread etc.

So now the new builds are up and the people in them are ignored by most of the village, some won’t even let their kids play with the new build kids. If may events are happening in the village no flyers or deliveries to the new houses.
My mate thought this would all die down but 18month on it’s still the same. Thought they have just got a few new people on the village council who don’t hold a grudge so hopefully things will change.

I thought to myself it can’t be that bad until a met someone who had moved into one of the new houses whose husband plays cricket with my husband. She confirmed she will be walking down the street and people will turn the other way.

Sorry I am writing this as a passenger in the car so my last post is full of mistakes but hopefully it makes sense

Small villages seem to be full of lots of bored people with too much time on their hands because there's fuck all to do

So they direct it at other villagers so they have something collectively to moan about

It sound utterly horrific

The League of Gentlemen

A local shop for local people

I have lived in several villages, a couple were very, very tiny.

I live in one now. And it's actually been lush, the people have been ace. One arse posted something shit about us to the local group online and what felt like everyone else shot them down for it and we had a big apology. Despite the issues with our house, we can't imagine living anywhere else now.

But I lived in a very tiny village just into the Rhondda valley, beautiful tiny place with a certain mining museum in it, and oh God it was appalling. We received the most vicious and vile treatment before we had even finished moving things in on day one.

We didn't stay. And I don't regret not staying. Least of all because at the start of 2020 the street flooded so badly that the picture of our old house had water 2/3 the way up the front door.

When we knew we would be living in a valleys village again, I threw myself into volunteering at a local miners welfare hall & met so many people. Made myself known and useful. Chatted to everyone in the few local businesses.

It really helps to involve yourself in the community.

But don't stay if it gets to a point where you don't feel safe or it's wrecking your health.

Accept that these people will never be your friends and have the absolute bare minimum to do with them. You share a postcode, not a friendship.

Look on the bright side - if they don’t like you, they won’t be trying to drag you into tedious village politics or wanting to know all your business. Enjoy the freedom of it, knowing you can think and say what you like about them, because you have nothing to lose.