Parenting rules over paddling pools?

[ElizaGolightly]

I'll try to keep this concise.

My Dh and I are currently at odds over safety around paddling pools. I tend towards more safety conscious/neurotic and we've previously had huge arguments over rear facing etc/leaving DD in a tent asleep while in a pub having lunch onsite. He isn't a bad parent but his parents were borderline neglectful of him so I think his measures of 'normal supervision' are off.

DD was in the paddling pool set up in the garden in the shade. DH came to stand in the doorway to the house and turned 90 degrees to DD looking at something else. I asked him to watch her and he said he 'could see her' and modelled that when he turned round he could see her and when I pushed the convo further 'that he could hear her splashing'.

I feel like it should be non negotiable that an adult should be watching her and she should be in sight lines so peripheral vision at least at all times as hearing her isn't enough. I feel like she could be splashing if she were drowning and we wouldn't immediately know the difference? For what it's worth, I also feel like if I needed to do something else then it's my responsibility to see the paddling pool emptied and inverted before leaving her unattended.

The argument has made me doubt myself - am I being neurotic and there is a compromise that is perfectly safe to do and I need to unclench a bit?

Any opinions much appreciated before I go and discuss this with DH.

How old is she?

How old is she? My answer would change if she was 1 vs 10.

I wouldn't say you need to literally stare at a child in a pool if they are calm and playing?

They can drown extremely quickly in a paddling pool. It does depend on age but I would say 6 or under and she needs eyes on her at all times.

I think under 5s need supervising at all times around paddling pools. As in an adult should be in the garden with them at the very least. How close they need to be to them depends on their exact age.

Also depends on how deep the paddling pool actually is, I would leave my 6 year old in a shallow paddling pool to go to the toilet but not if it was deep

Under 5s, you're trapped by the pool actively watching. After that it depends on whether they can swim and float.

She is 2 and a half.

It sounds like she's young from what you've rewrote but it depends on age.

No at 2.5 I wouldn't leave her unattended in any water. Things can happen so fast!

At 2 1/2 you’re definitely not be unreasonable!

He should definitely have eyes on her at all times if he’s meant to be the one supervising.

YANBU

Nope. Not at 2.5 would I leave a child unattended in a paddling pool.

Drowning is often silent... silence does not typically get peoples attention vs sudden yelling/noise one associates with an unfolding disaster.

He needs to be watching, facing the paddling pool, actively supervising NOT multitasking.

I don’t think he needs eyes on without looking anywhere else. You need to be able to see from the corner of your eye or make full eye contact every thirty seconds to a minute or so.

It depends on what’s being done in the paddling pool and the depth of water too. Two inches of water or sitting still playing with boats is quite different to a foot of water and jumping in and out.

He needs to be watching her closely. I’d hit the roof if my DH did this.

At that age she needs someone within arms reach tbh - drowning is mostly silent so hearing her splash is irrelevant, just the same as you wouldn’t leave a child that age alone in a bath (I hope).

At 2.5 she needs to be supervised at all times near water. You are not being neurotic

Jeremy Hunt lost a sibling at a similar age in the bath, at that age I'd be with them, however dull it is!

@ElizaGolightly always remember that a toddler can drown in a puddle!!!

How far away was the tent when he was having a pub lunch 😮

OMG re leaving her in a tent when he went to the pub - I would go mental if my partner did that, it is neglect. Standing in the doorway while she is in the pool would be fine as long as he’s looking at her every few seconds - if he was fully inside and couldn’t see her that would be another story.

He left a 2 year old alone in a tent and went off for a pub lunch??

I think you're being sensible and he's being a hopeful moron. Trust your gut and keep your dc safe because it sounds like he's too casual about it all to be efficiently doing it.

Yes I wondered about that

He needs some safety lessons

Does he wander off when she's in the bath?