Parenting rules over paddling pools?

[ElizaGolightly]

I'll try to keep this concise.

My Dh and I are currently at odds over safety around paddling pools. I tend towards more safety conscious/neurotic and we've previously had huge arguments over rear facing etc/leaving DD in a tent asleep while in a pub having lunch onsite. He isn't a bad parent but his parents were borderline neglectful of him so I think his measures of 'normal supervision' are off.

DD was in the paddling pool set up in the garden in the shade. DH came to stand in the doorway to the house and turned 90 degrees to DD looking at something else. I asked him to watch her and he said he 'could see her' and modelled that when he turned round he could see her and when I pushed the convo further 'that he could hear her splashing'.

I feel like it should be non negotiable that an adult should be watching her and she should be in sight lines so peripheral vision at least at all times as hearing her isn't enough. I feel like she could be splashing if she were drowning and we wouldn't immediately know the difference? For what it's worth, I also feel like if I needed to do something else then it's my responsibility to see the paddling pool emptied and inverted before leaving her unattended.

The argument has made me doubt myself - am I being neurotic and there is a compromise that is perfectly safe to do and I need to unclench a bit?

Any opinions much appreciated before I go and discuss this with DH.

You are 100% right. Any child in water needs an adult watching the water directly. At a pool party things can get missed if people think others are watching. So you have a water watcher who watches for 15mins and then hands over to someone else. He might be listening to her splashing for 30secs drowning and not realise

He needs to buck his ideas up. Lazy, irresponsible and downright dangerous parenting!

The tent thing? He’s a fucking idiot. IDIOT. She could have woken up and got into all sorts of trouble looking for you. That poor baby.

Pool - I think eyes are still needed on child that age near water.

Indontt think you can trust this man, what is it that’s so important that he can’t patiently sit with his child for a while?

My kids are excellent swimmers, lessons for years. Jr lifeguarding. I still have eyes on them in the sea or pool…

Children can drown very quickly so yes they should be supervised in water till they are a certain age.

You are right. My DH and is a wonderful husband and father but I wouldn’t have trusted him around the paddling pool when my kids were younger. I feel like he is really lax over stuff like this and he feels like I see death and accidents everywhere.

We just agree to disagree and it’s less of an issue now they are a bit older.

Water safety is non-negotiable.

So in the garden but not staring at her? I admit I would sit in a deckchair reading whilst they played in theirs, I don't think that's neglecting and I certainly would turn my head 90 degrees at some point. Careful is one thing but the devil is in the details here, how long was he looking away for? 30 seconds, 5 minutes, 15 minutes?

YANBU. She is far too young to be playing in a paddling pool without someone right next to her supervising her and eyes on at all times. An accident can happen in a second. How often do you hear/read "I only looked away for a minute"?
How far away from the back door was the paddling pool because that's another issue? He was standing too far away from her.
The tent thing is also absolutely ridiculous. You don't leave a 1.5 year old sleeping alone in a tent and wander back to the pub. Has he never heard of the Madeleine McCann case?

He needs to learn about dangers and learn fast and if he's not prepared to supervise her properly then he can't be left in charge of her.

He was looking at his phone wasn't he?

I'm not anxious or hyper vigilant and think you are completely right in all the examples you have given. Start trusting yourself more, you are doing a great job.

He does sound as if his judgement was off, but he will also enjoy his daughter more if he goes and plays with her a bit rather than plonking her in water and thinking "job done."

You are vigilant. He is neglectful.
I would ask him to comply with your standards even if he thinks he's right.

I'm not sure his childhood is any excuse-you'd think it was common sense not to leave a very young child alone if they could come to harm.

etc/leaving DD in a tent asleep while in a pub having lunch onsite

^

I only heard this

How old?

I can't believe she was only 18 months old!!??

Perhaps something like this would emphasise that he is on duty as water watcher and must hand over to another adult if he wants a break https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1030264085/pool-safety-badge-water-watch-tag-water

At 2.5 I would keep my eyes on her all the time.

You aren't being neurotic, he's being neglectful.

He was maybe 4metres away looking at another adult talking?

Given I was really angry and our friends all told him in no uncertain terms that he'd messed up, I think he realised he was being unreasonable about the pub/tent thing.

DD can't swim (she has previously been afraid of water so we are trying to work back up to learning to swim). The pool was 20/30cm? deep and small widthways.

He is a prick.

He’s being cavalier and dangerous and it takes seconds for things to go horribly horribly wrong.

What taxes him to be watching?? Why has he no effort or attention to this?

We have a pool, we live in France. Our rule is that a nominated adult is responsible for dc in the pool, the adult is not allowed to leave the pool area without getting confirmation from another adult that they will take over.

Wishy washy ‘I thought you were watching’ is a recipe for disaster.

On holiday the two most dangerous days for dc drowning are arrival day and departure day.
Parents are distracted and busy.
And they do stupid things like prop gates open for ease of loading the car.

A toddler can easily drown in quite a small amount of water so my feeling is he should be next to the paddling pool rather than in the doorway. Why couldn't he put a garden chair next to the pool? Also not a good idea to leave her in a tent while distracted having a meal inside the pub. Has he not heard what happened to Madeline McCann?

I nursed a child,I think 4,he fell in a ditch and drowned in 2 inches of water. He was resuscitated but too late, severe brain damage, unable to see,speak, move or feed without a tube.

He was too far away from her. You could stand 4 metres away from a 5 year old but not a 2.5 year old. Should be within arm's reach. Same as you don't put a toddler in the bath and wander off.