Parenting rules over paddling pools?

[ElizaGolightly]

I'll try to keep this concise.

My Dh and I are currently at odds over safety around paddling pools. I tend towards more safety conscious/neurotic and we've previously had huge arguments over rear facing etc/leaving DD in a tent asleep while in a pub having lunch onsite. He isn't a bad parent but his parents were borderline neglectful of him so I think his measures of 'normal supervision' are off.

DD was in the paddling pool set up in the garden in the shade. DH came to stand in the doorway to the house and turned 90 degrees to DD looking at something else. I asked him to watch her and he said he 'could see her' and modelled that when he turned round he could see her and when I pushed the convo further 'that he could hear her splashing'.

I feel like it should be non negotiable that an adult should be watching her and she should be in sight lines so peripheral vision at least at all times as hearing her isn't enough. I feel like she could be splashing if she were drowning and we wouldn't immediately know the difference? For what it's worth, I also feel like if I needed to do something else then it's my responsibility to see the paddling pool emptied and inverted before leaving her unattended.

The argument has made me doubt myself - am I being neurotic and there is a compromise that is perfectly safe to do and I need to unclench a bit?

Any opinions much appreciated before I go and discuss this with DH.

2 and a half needs eyes on her and close enough to scoop her out if anything happened . I always go on plan for the worst, hope for the best.

Oh come on. Takes 2 seconds to walk four metres? Some of the replies in this thread are hysterical.

2 and a half?! Omg of course he's being unreasonable. At thay age they really do need constant supervision in/near water. You are not neurotic at all.

He’s completely unreasonable. When they slip and go under it’s completely silent- he could easily be distracted on his phone for a few minutes, and he might think it’s only a few seconds, but it would be too late. Just google drowning cases (well don’t- it’s horrible reading- but if you do, you’ll find so many cases that have been reported, and it’s always that ‘I only left them for a minute’ thing). I’m not risk averse at all, but little ones and water is just one of those where complete vigilance is essential.

They need CONSTANT attention at that age.
Anyone suffering the loss of a child due to drowning would never take their eyes off a toddler or indeed any child in the water.

I wouldn't trust him op. It is definitely not you.

Have you ever seen the fall out of the death of a child due to drowning? It is a living nightmare - because it is so avoidable.

You do NOT walk anywhere with a toddler in a pool!!!
You stay with them at all times.

A toddler can drown in 2 inches of water. They need to be in view at all times.

YANBU. Your child is two. It only takes a second and not much water at all. Absolutely you do need to have eyes on at all times, being able to hear is not enough, drowning can be and often is silent. If you have to go somewhere else where you cannot see you switch and get someone else to watch or the child comes with you or you stay put. It is not worth the risk.

He turned his head 90’? Yes you’re over anxious. He needs to be within a few metres of her BUT not being able to turn his head is excessive. The tent/lunch scenario was out of order but you say you think he took that on board? So try not to over analyse every tiny thing.

Urgh you poor thing, it must be very stressful parenting with him. The suggestion for parenting classes upthread sounds like a good idea. Until then respond to everything he says with, ‘but why would you risk it?’

It’s not just them wandering off out of the tent.

I know that this is fortunately extremely rare and unlikely to happen, but this has stuck with me and chills me to this day - https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Sophie_Hook

Oh my goodness, I was expecting you to say your DD was much older than that! 2.5?! You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable! For that age, she should have someone watching her - and within grabbing distance - constantly when she is near or in water. And to think it's accpetable to leave a BABY alone in a tent that you can't even see, while you sit in a pub? I don't even know where to start with that one.

I think it's hard to tell without being there. If my 2.5 yo is in the puddle pool, I don't watch him every second anymore but always keep sight of the pool. I would turn around for a couple of minutes to grab something in the kitchen, which sounds like what your husband was doing from what I understood.
I wouldn't leave my 1yo out of sight for a second near water.

Go with him even if you don't need to - might persuade him to go

Absolutely 💯, no ambiguity, at all

At 2.5 years no your not being unreasonable need to be within a lunge grab difference of a toddler and water regardless.

You don't need to upend the paddling pool when finished though just lock your back door.

We camp with friends and will sit outside each others tents but we all use wireless baby monitors and have trip alarms!

I would explain to him that toddlers can get themselves into bother within a matter of seconds so it's just about making sure they are OK. It sounds like giving him an earful might not be the way to get through to him

From your OP, I had assumed she was about 6, and that you were being neurotic.
However, once you said she was 2.5, the adult who was with her should be within touching distance - even more so given how deep it was.

I suspect, if that information had been in the OP, the vote would be different (not everyone reads past the OP, and not everyone knows you can change your vote once extra - crucial - information has been added.

A pool incident in my wider family resulted in a 3 year old drowning because the DF took his eyes off his child for a very short time.
It takes seconds for an accident to happen. But you can’t turn back time and undo your mistake. A life-time isn’t long enough to ever get over it.

YANBU. Don’t leave your child in your DH’s care unless you are convinced you can fully trust him.

Do not listen to your idiotic husband.
Your 2.5 year old needs watching at all times especially around water!

Your child should be supervised until they're old enough and a good swimmer.

Your husband should be supervised for life.

Sadly you're stuck supervising until she's old enough to supervise him.

No its not 2 seconds, dont be daft. Are you making 2 meter steps?
it could be 5-6 seconds and its absolutely possible to fall face into the water and inhale lungs full of water and then its CPR/hoping that ambulance arrives quickly

Its recommended to not leave paddling pools etc because (1) a child can get out a locked house (2) to protect other children.
there were cases of a toddler wandering off and drowning in someone else’s garden

The tent thing is awful.

I agree that at 2.5 she needs to be supervised in the paddling pool, but I don't think turning his head 90 degrees for a couple of seconds is a big deal. I would do that while supervising a bath while I get a towel or speak to DH etc.

Turning his back or leaving her alone would be awful but that's not what he did.

We have a pool, we live in France. Our rule is that a nominated adult is responsible for dc in the pool, the adult is not allowed to leave the pool area without getting confirmation from another adult that they will take over.
**
This is how pilots control aeroplanes ("you have control" "I have control"). It's the right way to handle many adults around a pool.

Nothing terrible ever happens in a paddling pool until it happens. Your toddler needs supervision.

She's 2 and a half and he left her in a tent sleeping while he went to a pub? That is the one that would really worry me unless I misunderstood.