DC4 accused of being racist

[mickyhouse]

I was approached by a parent recently who informed me that her DC had been complaining that my DC had been hitting her DC regularly and had said that he does not like him, because of the colour of his skin.

I'm absolutely shocked and saddened by this and had words with my child of course. I have no idea where this came from. We are definitely not racist and he would never have heard something like that from us at home.

I've also come to find out that the aggrieved DC's child's parents have basically been raising questions about us as a family and whether we are racist to other parents.

I know the parent has spoken to the school, but the school hasn't mentioned any of this to us at all.

In any case, I had a big chat with my child and apologised to the family etc.

We feel upset that this has happened and also just don't understand why our child would say something like that at all. I could see our child pointing out a difference in skin colour, but to actually use the difference as a reason to dislike someone - does not seem like a thing they would be able to do at barely 4. I've not seen it personally at all. I'm not saying I don't believe the child who made the accusation, however, maybe there was a misunderstanding. The children are barely 4.

Has anyone had experience with a similar situation ?

I didn't call him that? Did I even say his colour? He could have been white for all you knew! He was demanding a small child and their parents be arrested for racist acts he was easily over six foot tall my friend and I are five foot 2/3 the police were going backwards being confronted by him he was being that aggressive when we suggested to the CSO who had also showed up that we leave she said that was probably a good idea as it might settle him down

I know aggressive when I see it and it does not have colour

If your child did hit this child, it could simply be because they dislike them or something that happened that day but because they have a different coloured skin, everyone jumps to that being the reason when a lot of children don’t even notice skin colour at that age.

One of my son’s best friends has coloured skin and he never mentioned anything about this until they started learning about their bodies in school. He then started saying things about brown skin etc, just repeating what he had learnt in a way that he understood.

Speak to school, if they are unaware ask them to observe.

Say nothing more to the mum. If she broaches it with you explain your child claims it didn't happen and school are aware and have been asked to keep an eye on things. And leave it.

There's not a lot you can do about her gossip. Explain to people if they ask?

The kids are 4 so I don't think you need to worry but I can see why the other parents would be really vigilant to racism, it's such a difficult thing that they'll be facing all the time as a family and not sure when and where their child will experience it. Maybe worth a conversation with them so they know you're having genuine conversations with your child. I'm not saying it applies to you but no-one thinks their child is racist and no-one admits they've heard racist talk at home. There is a child in my son's class, he's much older who has said quite a lot of racist things, his mum got annoyed with me because my son called him racist. Do the work anyway, talk about the positives of race, you don't want to make conversations about race shameful and difficult, emphasise positive experiences of people from ethnic minority backgrounds, friends and how you can learn more about other cultures and become comfortable talking about race it's such a positive thing to do because when (and it's not if) they experience other racist people and comments they can make positive choices. For what it's worth I'm mixed race but people don't realise, I frequently hear people say things that they think are ok to say because they're 'safe' there is a lot of racism out there and I think people should take it seriously certainly from junior school age upwards. I can still remember my brother being called a p word when I was about 6, these things never leave people.

Great how a lot of people are saying it was a child just innocently noticing a difference and pointing it out.
please realise it’s not just about your child and whatever childishness this was but also about the other child who has to process and deal with being targeted because of their skin colour. This may live with the child for a long time and I know adults who are still traumatised by things like this that happened in their childhood. Teach your children to be kind - please

You were not there when your DC said he doesn’t like the colour of the other child’s skin, what was the context? Had the other child said something to your DC so he retaliated, (your glasses are ugly/I don’t like your hair/your jumper is silly) they are only 4 yrs old. You said the other parents have spoken to the school, I’m sure the school would have dealt with this appropriately for children that young. Some parents come into school and make a huge fuss.

Sounds to me like the parents of the other child are the issue here. I would approach the school about this as what you have said doesn’t sound right to me. Hopefully they will help you deal with it as it sounds like you’ve done everything right so far. Especially as you are relying on 4 year olds version of events.

Your child denies anything happened, could there have been a mix-up? The other child naming your DC but that in fact he/she had a problem with another child? Or maybe nothing at all occured and the child was seeking attention?

@Olu123 You are making the huge assumption that describing a child isn’t the same as being a kind child at the age of 4! 4 isn’t a child with mature understanding of racism or kindness. Some understand quicker than others of course but not all children develop at the same rate.

I don’t think DD1 saw a black child until secondary. It really depends where you live.

I’m not sure what your point is or what huge assumption you have assumed I have made.
I grew up in a predominantly Black Country and I know the odd white kid was a rarity and they used to go red and be uncomfortable when they were pointed out for looking different.
I didn’t see a white person until I was in secondary, I don’t go gawking and pointing out the difference like an ignorant person because I was always taught to see human first
I am telling you to teach your kids to be kind because it’s not always about you.