to think he should not have called me a c*nt!

[stressedout1994]

Morning all,

Last night I was cycling home from a friend's house. I forgot my lights, so cycled when it was still relatively light, but by the time I was within about 10 minutes of my flat it was quite dark and the roads were busy. I wouldn't normally do this but the roads near my flat are really busy and people drive really fast, so I started cycling on the pavement as they are relatively wide and no one was around.

There was a man on the pavement outside a shop. There was plenty of room to manoeuvre on either side of him, and I slowed down and moved my handlebars to move to the left. So he moved to the left. So I moved my handlebars to move to the right, and he moved to the right. I stopped, planning to get off my bike and wheel it past him.

He shouted 'just fuck off, fuck off!' I was shocked, and involuntarily scowled. He then shouted 'yes that's right just fuck off, don't fucking scowl at me you cunt!'

I just stood still looking at him and then he went into the shop. I then cycled past.

I know I was in the wrong for cycling on the pavement (even if very slowly and only when no-one around) but I think his reaction was completely out of order.

Side note: I have lived in London for 10 years, since uni, and I feel like in the last couple of years there have been more and more people behaving erratically or threateningly. On the rest of my ride home I saw no fewer than 4 men who were clearly unwell shouting in the street, at themselves and others. I don't understand why nothing is done about this. I know lots of people say 'oooh, that's just LONDON, I don't bat an EYELID!', but I actually think that women should feel safe when walking round the capital city!

YABU - you shouldn't have been on the pavement, get some lights you silly moo

YANBU - you should never call a woman a cunt

You were wrong to ride on the pavement but. He shouldn't have called you a cunt but some people are like that.

ESH

Cyclists and their entitlement. No you should not have been on the pavement. Highway code...

It sounds like you were cycling down the middle of the pavement towards him, as you attempted to manoeuvre in both directions. There's no need for bad language, but your actions were wrong in every way, so he sounded justified in being frustrated by you. He didn't threaten you, just vented his frustration at you using a word that is widely used on MN. YABU.

This one probably needs a third "everyone was being unreasonable" option.

You were wrong to not take your lights then there wouldn't have been an issue. If you moved your handlebars to the left/right to get around this man comfortably, it suggests there wasn't a huge amount of space on the pavement. But it sounds like he was looking to create more of an issue and him being offensive seems an over reaction. But maybe in that area bikes are a continual nuisance. You are both unreasonable.

You were wrong and you know it
But he was being an arse

Well yes he shouldn't have called you that.

I can understand why he was annoyed but his choice of language was wrong.
When it got too dark to cycle safely on the road why didn't you get off and push the bike on the pavement then?

As regards your other point about the number of mentally ill people walking the streets: that's not just a London problem . Yes it is a scandal that the mental health services are so poor that there are vast numbers of people not getting the help they need. It's a tragedy for them and their families and yes it does make life unsafer for everyone.

I grew up in London, you can't cycle on pavements even when it appears quiet go round a corner and there will be people even in the early hours, there are also a lot of absolutely nightmarish cyclist who endanger pedestrians daily. People will say he shouldn't have called you a cunt, but my experience of growing up in the east end is that people call it as they see it and cunt isn't some horrific term you only use to cause the utmost offence, I've regularly heard it as a term of endearment (not in this case I'm just giving context). No different to calling you a twat, and you were being twatty.

You shouldn’t have been on the pavement.

He was angry but OTT with the name calling. Not sure what you mean by ‘you should never call a woman a cunt’? Is it ok to say it to a man? It’s just an insult, bandied about by many.

I think frustration can build up because too many cyclists are rude and pedestrians have been caused problems by them. This could have been the situation for this man and you don’t know his mental disposition,

Therefore, if you don’t have lights, don’t cycle on the pavement if it’s too late to do so safely.You come across as entitled to do what you want. When someone approaches, move into the road where you should be?

Why not have the lights attached permanently? Sounds as if this isn’t the first time you’ve done this or you would have lights on your bike. Don’t use pavements unless you are walking. Don’t be that cyclist again. Yes, he was wrong to swear but don’t put yourself in the wrong in the first place.

I know that in this situation we were BOTH being unreasonable but my point is that he was being MORE unreasonable! I could tell from this man's demeanour he was just spoiling for a fight or some form of confrontation... had I wheeled my bike or even walked past he would have made some kind of comment.

@LoneHydrangea 'cunt' isn't just 'an insult, bandied about by many' it's the worst swear word because of misogyny. No one thinks 'cock' is as offensive.
A big man shouting that a woman is a 'cunt' in public is completely different to, say, me calling one of my male friends a 'tosser' in jest. He would not have called me a cunt if I was a man. He probably wouldn't have said anything if I was a man. He wanted to have a go at someone smaller than him, and I gave him that opportunity by riding on the pavement.

This

Of course in an ideal world you shouldn’t have been on the pavement but, as you explained, it was a one-off error and you were clearly attempting to let the man past. The inconvenience to the man you encountered was no more than a few seconds; he could easily have dealt with it with grace and a smile.

Swearing in that way is really aggressive (swearing can be an assault) and there was no need for it. I’m sure you felt really unsettled by it and I’m sorry that happened to you.

There has always been the occasional ‘angry person’ but I’ve also noticed that it’s much more common nowadays and the default setting of so many people seems to be OTT anger at tiny things that, a few years ago, could have been handled calmly and with at least a semblance of decency.

Your behaviour was far worse than the man. While his language was a bit over the top, I think many people would have responded exactly the same if an adult was cycling towards them on the pavement in the dark. It's people like you who make pedestrians and other road users feel so angry about the entitled attitude of cyclists and their complete disregard of the Highway Code, which actually applies to cyclists as well.

Look he is a man everything he does is wrong I am amazed he was allowed out

You think his behaviour was ok?

He's just a foul-mouthed officious creep. One more bullying unpleasant man. Ignore him.

Sort your lights this weekend and forget him. He's not worth headspace.

The man wasn't breaking the law and acting dangerously - the OP was.

You shouldn't of been on the pavement and you shouldn't of forgotten your lights. Can't drive a car without lights, bikes ought to be the same. YABU.

I am female and probably would have acted the same way if the op did that to me

So can't see its right but this 'I was wrong but he was more wrong' is plain weird and does not justify what the op did

You was more than unreasonable, you were breaking the law. 🤔

@stressedout1994

but I actually think that women should feel safe when walking round the capital city!

Maybe, but you were cycling, on the pavement, which is an offence, and cycling without lights during the hours of darkness, which is another offence!

You broke the law twice and were, in so doing, being very inconsiderate and entitled, and he was a bit rude, maybe. No comparison.

I think you deserved, at the very least, two fixed-penalty notices.

Give your head a great big wobble.

Also, why the 'capital city' only? What about other cities and smaller towns? Are they exempt?

Actually OP you say you know you shouldn't have been cycling on the pavement in the dark but you don't really seem very sorry about your behaviour. You seem more annoyed that this guy called you out on it than accepting that you were in the wrong.

People have been killed and badly injured by people cycling on the pavement. It's also quite frightening for a bike to be coming towards you in the dark on the pavement. He had every right to be annoyed and it was reasonable of him to express his annoyance to you. It's only his choice of language I have a problem with.

You seem to be using his choice of language to somehow make his behaviour appear worse than yours. He could have been killed or injured by your bike but his language couldn't physically hurt you. So there is no comparison.

He shouldn't have called you a cunt and I doubt he'd have been so brave in the face of a big, powerful man.

But you were actively endangering pedestrians by riding on the pavement so what you did was far worse. I'd focus on making sure you don't forget your lights in future rather than what this bloke said.