Help me annoy our neighbours

[NeighbourTrouble63]

Lighthearted (ish!)

I don’t say this lightly but we have the most truly horrible couple (‘young professionals’, although they don’t act like it) that I have ever met living beside us - even since the day that we moved in they have completely blanked us, anytime I have simply waved over or said ‘good morning’ I get ignored. In the 4 years that we have lived here neither of them have ever even made eye contact with me. It is bizarre and I have no idea what their problem is. I feel like they automatically see us as below them since we are renting (I have just gotten through a messy divorce, it is only my very sensible teen DD and I living here)

They have constant, wild parties going on into the small hours. It’s a 1930s semi so very poor sound insulation - we hear everything. I went round and politely knocked their door one Friday party night as DD had just had an operation and really needed her sleep - the door was slammed in my face. Their Range Rover (definitely heavily financed) is constantly parked right over the pavement, forcing buggies and wheelchair users onto the busy road.

They are vile people and I want a petty yet harmless way to get my own back when we move out in a few months. Any ideas?

A speaker up against the wall blasting annoying sounds?
banging something heavy against the wall of a room you know they are in?

Report them to the out of hours council noise enforcement team every time they have their wild parties. I've had to do that to my noisy neighbours with dogs and it's finally seemed to be working.

Also don't smile or even look their way when you pass them. They're rude to you so you don't owe them anything.

Get some cats, they'll shit in their garden, no one likes that!

Wind chimes? Early morning sessions with power tools?
Macarena on endless repeat loop?

Or crazy frog!

Your DD needs to learn the trumpet or bagpipes and practice is best done at 7am after the neighbours have had a party. I had noisy bastards living next door and thoroughly enjoyed playing Wagner operas at them the morning after their parties. Rock music with me jamming along on bass guitar was also quite cathartic.

How would they know you are renting? I suspect you're projecting.

They possibly don't acknowledge you because they feel they've nothing in common or are just not interested in neighbourhood friendships. Who knows?

The loud noise and parking on the pavement is something you can record, and take it up with the relevant authorities be that council or police, I don't know.

Doing something petty as you move out? Up to you. Life is short but I can understand you wanting revenge...

The very obvious to let sign that was outside the door for months..

Get some bees or ask a friendly local beekeeper to site some hives in your garden, positioned so that the bees' line of flight is directly over your neighbours' garden and, unless they are apiarists themselves and used to stingy things, that will cause them some 'discomfort' and annoyance...

Throw bird seed or similar near and over their Range Rover! See how they like the white and yellow splats.

Prawns in any accessible air vents.

Have you considered learning to play the trombone?

They sound frightful but you sound horribly judgemental. Not everyone wants to acknowledge their neighbours and they probably don't know or give a shiny shit that you rent, or care what you think about their car (how do ypu know its financed if you don't speak to them?)

The noise can be dealt with via legal routes.

My neighbours unnattended kids vandalised my previous car financed so shoot me among various other things but I have no clue if they own or rent. I don't care either.

Next time they party, early next morning put your speakers up to the wall, put some gbx on and turn the bass up then go out for a couple of hours
As a parting gift, hide some kippers near to their door/windows, meh hehe heh😜

On moving day fill their bin with your rubbish.

I’m not horribly judgmental - I know blatant rudeness when I see it (and a financed Range Rover). They are the nouveau riche type and judging by their conversations (which sadly we hear far too much of) they want the world to know about it.

definitely report them to environment health or someone, you have nothign to lose,

are you allowed to put up pictures with a hammer
or build a shed

have a bbq/bonfire

As a trombonist myself I resent that! There are much louder and more annoying instruments.

Write CUNTS in their lawn with cress seeds. It will outgrow the lawn constantly.

Post them on Parking like a twat Facebook group, when you leave. The 475 likes from people who share your pain will help you feel better.

Perhaps the tenants who come after you will be massively antisocial with an even bigger range rover and a really annoying dog.

It’s not a crime to not want to speak to you. It’s all a bit petty to me.

You will have to keep notes on parties and dates, times etc. Then, council do nothing. As for the car. What odds is it to you what car they have or how it’s purchased or leased? If the street is narrow maybe they are letting ambulances and fire engines through? Probably would be the same with a smaller car. This just seems to be green eyes and incompatible neighbours. Did they not invite you to the parties?

I'm not saying it is specifically an annoying instrument...but it is one that is annoying if playing very badly by a beginner

7am after their parties i'm sure you need to hoover and move heavy furniture!