Help me annoy our neighbours

[NeighbourTrouble63]

Lighthearted (ish!)

I don’t say this lightly but we have the most truly horrible couple (‘young professionals’, although they don’t act like it) that I have ever met living beside us - even since the day that we moved in they have completely blanked us, anytime I have simply waved over or said ‘good morning’ I get ignored. In the 4 years that we have lived here neither of them have ever even made eye contact with me. It is bizarre and I have no idea what their problem is. I feel like they automatically see us as below them since we are renting (I have just gotten through a messy divorce, it is only my very sensible teen DD and I living here)

They have constant, wild parties going on into the small hours. It’s a 1930s semi so very poor sound insulation - we hear everything. I went round and politely knocked their door one Friday party night as DD had just had an operation and really needed her sleep - the door was slammed in my face. Their Range Rover (definitely heavily financed) is constantly parked right over the pavement, forcing buggies and wheelchair users onto the busy road.

They are vile people and I want a petty yet harmless way to get my own back when we move out in a few months. Any ideas?

If they don't talk to you how on earth do you know that their range rover is heavily financed?

It totally is, but then you'd have to be the sort of person who inexplicably doesn't mind the sound. Or you'd just be punishing yourself!

When you depart your property leave an old fashioned radio that takes big old batteries tuned to classic FM or whatever you can get that's most annoying, pushed up against a wall.
Full volume of course and if you can, hide it on top or inside something and if you can set a timer, even better!

Garden speakers on the border, of the garden.play white noise early morning.

Porridge oats on top of the car when it's raining.

Fermented cod liver oil down the vent at the bottom of the windshield. Fucker will stink like fish for months with no way to clean it.

Vaseline on the windshield wipers.

One glance at your comment would say that you definitely do not live here. Don’t try and educate me on my own history - that is the height of arrogance. We’re a friendly bunch thanks to intergenerational trauma, maybe do some of your own research. As for your supposed ‘no go’ areas, open sectarianism isn’t a good look.

@RocketPanda I am quite speechless at the ignorance of the above comment 🙈

We had a horrid neighbour when I first moved in with DH (then boyfriend) - we went out drinking one night in winter and the cars were iced over when we returned home. DH wrote ‘b!tch’ in huge letters in the ice on her bonnet and it showed back up every time we had a frost - it was months before she got rid of it 😂

Some superb ideas! I’m making notes! 😂

If they don't have cctv or a ring doorbell but they do have an outside light you could paint the word "cunts" on their front door in glow in the dark paint. They won't see it but eventually visitors or passers-by will.

Potato in the exhaust pipe 😊

That’s just creepy! Serial killer alert 😳

I do that.

Soooo satisfying.

You obviously haven't had any antisocial neighbours.Sometimes a bit of tit for tat, schadenfreude does you good.People like this only understand this sort of response.

Grow up and move on.
Loads of us have to deal with bad neighbours
thetes no guarantee you won't have bad neighbours where you move to either.
Move on.

Pure genius.

A warped and bitter, twisted mind. I'm impressed.

On the Range Rover?!

May I recommend the album Throat by Little Women? At the sort of volume that will make their furniture bleed?

When I worked in retail it's what I always put on five minutes before closing to get people to leave.

Morning after party make as much noise as you want. Music on full blast hoover upstairs. Get DH to mow the lawn at the same time.

Vaseline on car door handles??

Some of these ideas are very OTT… I was going to go much pettier with changing your router name to something aimed at them 😐

It is so amusing to read the indignant posters who have financed cars themselves objecting to the OP. It is very obvious to everyone (except those who have finance on their own cars) that the OP feels her neighbours look down on her as they are trying to appear wealthy and superior to her. I've no idea whether she is right or not but if they are paying back a car every month, they do not have the wealth they are trying to portray.

OP My neighbours have a fire pit which stinks so much I can't open bedroom windows at night or hang out washing.

@NeighbourTrouble63 did you mean to tag me?
The majority of NI is indeed a very friendly place and is holding onto peace despite the numerous threats to destabilise.

We went to Belfast for the first time recently and have never come across friendlier people!

We live in an area apparently known for friendly people, but Belfast folk wowed us, we loved it there and found everyone so eager to help, to chat, and really friendly.

They've done amazingly well to overcome their history and create such a strong community so welcome to visitors!

Mash up a tin of vegetable soup and put it on their path to look like vomit. Sign up for as many free information packs to go to their house.

Well you're wrong. My neighbour opposite is an aggressive, bullying cunt, who has threatened and intimidated me for the last 5 years, but only when my husband is out of course. Just because I have a different opinion to you, and am not an immature dick who thinks it's a good idea to get childish revenge, doesn't mean I've never experienced antisocial neighbours.