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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be shocked my friend leaves her dcs - even briefly - home alone?

83 replies

mrsshackleton · 14/04/2008 12:35

Yesterday a very good friend was telling me how she drove the babysitter home on Saturday night
I was surprised because my friend's dh is away, so this meant leaving the dcs - aged three and 10 months alone in the house
She said "She only lives 10 minutes away and the kids never wake up" and added that a mutual friend regularly drives the babysitter a good few miles leaving her ds aged two alone.
I know being a single parent which my friend effectively is is bloody tough but still ...? Is this common practice? I would feel very uneasy leaving dcs and would personally pay for a taxi but maybe I am the odd one out?

OP posts:

lilolilmanchester · 14/04/2008 12:38

I wouldn't do it - tho I'm always being told on here that I'm over-cautious. I wouldn't with children that age because what would happen if she had an accident? Unlikely I know but it does happen. Now I would leave mine to take sitter home, but they are older (some woudl argue too old to have a sitter in the first place) but both would know to ring someone if they woke up and we weren't there. YANBU.

Kewcumber · 14/04/2008 12:38

I have been so tempted to leave DS (2yrs) asleep in his cot on occasion to nip out and get some chocolate. But what if I were in a car accident - at what point would someone be infomred who would know that DS was on his own in the house. particularly important if you are a single parent and no-one would notice you gone for some time.

Of course its tempting occasionally but not worth the risk - pay for a cab for the babysitter.

Kewcumber · 14/04/2008 12:38

And I'm not overcautious - I would leave mine asleep in a hotel room and go down for dinner for example.

Dynamicnanny · 14/04/2008 12:39

I have had people drive me home after babysitting and leave the children 4,6 asleep in bed - would take 6 minutes in total so... Not worse than her stood at the bottom of her garden having a cigarette.

lilolilmanchester · 14/04/2008 12:41

yes but Dynamicnanny, the odds against being in an accident whilst being stood outside having a fag are a lot lower than in a 6 minute car journey......

soopermum1 · 14/04/2008 12:42

YANBU, i wouldn't do it

cory · 14/04/2008 12:45

I would never leave any child, any age, asleep and go off without telling them. That's just not right. What if they wake up and you're not there, how much will they trust you next time? And children who are frightened and unprepared are much more likely to do something foolish than children who have been thoroughly briefed.

But I wouldn't leave children that young
anyway. I'd want them to be old enough to cope if there were unexpected delays. Which means old enough to ring/call for assistance in an emergency, old enough to get out of the house in case of fire, old enough to check the clock to realise that I have been away longer than I said etc. So not really younger than 7.

mumto2andnomore · 14/04/2008 12:47

Driving for 10 minutes each way does not compare to being in your own garden !
If she had a bad car accident and ended up in hospital no one would know the children were there alone. The house could set fire. The children could wake up and cry. Anything could happen.
I find it unbelievable the risks people take.

lollipopmother · 14/04/2008 12:50

It's not just the car accident factor, it's the possibility of the house going up in flames or any other improbable yet horrible accident occuring whilst you weren't there to get your kids out.

Squiffy · 14/04/2008 12:53

words fail me. YANBU

beaniesteve · 14/04/2008 12:55

"yes but Dynamicnanny, the odds against being in an accident whilst being stood outside having a fag are a lot lower than in a 6 minute car journey......"

so does this mean that if you woke your children up, put them in the car to drive the babysitter home... then you'd be endangering them more?

NumberSix · 14/04/2008 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OverMyDeadBody · 14/04/2008 12:56

YANBU. I'm a single parent so know hoe difficult it can be but would never leave DS alone at this age! I may consider it from 10yrs on though.

Too many possibilities for things to go wrong. I doubt this is common practice.

cornsilk · 14/04/2008 12:59

FGS if you can't sort out suitable arrangements don't go out. Pay for a cab or book someone who has transport.

sparklesandnowinefor9months · 14/04/2008 13:00

Far too much of a risk to take, pay for a taxi, let the sitter sleep over and take them home the next morning, ask a neighbour to keep an eye on them while you take the sitter home or don't go out!

There are far too many risks involved in this and other possible options, therefore i don't see the need

spicemonster · 14/04/2008 13:01

beaniesteve - if you can afford to go out for the evening and pay a babysitter, you can afford to get them a cab home.

leakyR · 14/04/2008 13:01

YANBU.

HereComeTheGirls · 14/04/2008 13:02

YANBU..i live in a flat with communal bins and I won't even put the bin out if it means leaving DD alone in house!!

Kewcumber · 14/04/2008 13:03

I really believe that I'm at the relaxed end of what most MN'ers think is acceptable. If I think its not on, then very few people here will think its right. I am the definitive answer in thsi case [case]

AbbeyA · 14/04/2008 13:04

There is no point in having a babysitter if you then leave them alone-an accident is just as likely to happen in the 10 minutes that you are gone as it is the several hours that you were out. I know that it is difficult-I have been a single parent- but you have to arrange sitters around the fact that you can't see them home.

anynamewilldo · 14/04/2008 13:04

When i used to babysit, i only lived up the road (5min walk at the most) from the people i babysat for and they used to pay for a taxi for me to get home, and i would have to ring them when i got in to let them know that i was home safe. if they had arranged a time that they would be home my dad used to come and collect me, they are friends of my dads, (i was 16 at the time).

I wouldn't leave my dc's on their own, but then i haven't used a baby sitter as yet.

blueshoes · 14/04/2008 13:05

I wouldn't leave children so young alone in the house.

I did it once when my dd was a baby - nip to the shops at the end of the road. During that time (5 minutes), my mind started filling with so many disaster scenarios I was racing back half expecting to see the house in flames. Never again.

lilolilmanchester · 14/04/2008 13:06

fair question beaniesteve, but the point I was making was that I don't think you can't compare the "dangers" of being out in the garden for a fag with driving even a short way. Most times of course it would be fine. I'm too cautious to take that risk. But it's a personal decision at the end of the day.

rookiemater · 14/04/2008 13:08

Hurrah for Kewcumber, I was beginning to think I was the only mumsnetter that would even countenance using a babysitter, or leave my DS in a hotel room with a baby monitor and with baby listening.

I'm relaxed about my DS but I wouldn't be driving anyone home and leaving him on his own. More worrying with a 3 year old as well, because at that age they are old enough to make their way to the front door. Couldn't and wouldn't do it, shudder.

bigdonna · 14/04/2008 13:27

sorry wouldnt even leave my 8dd and 10ds alone .

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