Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked my friend leaves her dcs - even briefly - home alone?

83 replies

mrsshackleton · 14/04/2008 12:35

Yesterday a very good friend was telling me how she drove the babysitter home on Saturday night
I was surprised because my friend's dh is away, so this meant leaving the dcs - aged three and 10 months alone in the house
She said "She only lives 10 minutes away and the kids never wake up" and added that a mutual friend regularly drives the babysitter a good few miles leaving her ds aged two alone.
I know being a single parent which my friend effectively is is bloody tough but still ...? Is this common practice? I would feel very uneasy leaving dcs and would personally pay for a taxi but maybe I am the odd one out?

OP posts:
JODIEhavingababy · 14/04/2008 13:33

I wouldn't leave DS alone in the house, I have to take te monitor out with me if I hang the washing on the line!!!! I worry to about fire and car crashes etc..

On the other hand, Like kewcumber, I have left DS in a hotel room and gone down for dinner, but had the monitor with me at all times.

3kidsisquiteenuff · 14/04/2008 13:45

i never leave my kids alone because it would be sods law that some bugger would report me to the social.not only that but anything can happen and i would never leave ds 10 in charge of the other 2 either

purpleduck · 14/04/2008 13:54

Mine are 6 and 8 and I wouldn't leave them..
If they woke up and I wasn't there, they would be absolutely terrified.

purpleduck · 14/04/2008 13:56

And I don't have my license yet, so it would be illegal.

And terrifying for the babysitter

claricebeansmum · 14/04/2008 13:57

Intrigued by the number of MNers who think if they left their house it would spontaneously combust...

Presumably this is homes they are prepared to sleep in

VictorianSqualor · 14/04/2008 13:58

I remember once leaving DD in her cot asleep and running out to the road to see if I could see her teddy she had dropped from her buggy, I lived in a cul-de-sac of about 20 houses and daren't go any further!

I'd pay the cab fare home.
When we have had babysitters, no-one is in the state to drive anyway as they've been drinking and we've had a taxi home anyway so getting the taxi to hold on a minute whilst we go in and the sitter comes out is much easier and safer.

spicemonster · 14/04/2008 13:58

I am also on the devil-may-care end of the spectrum - I've had a meeting at my neighbour's flat upstairs while my DS is asleep in our flat, I garden while he's in bed and have also left him in our hotel room in the evenings. I wouldn't get in a car though.

spicemonster · 14/04/2008 14:00

claricebean - that's like all those people who think their car is going to blow up at the petrol station if they get out but leave the kids in it but is not going to if they are in the car

Bridie3 · 14/04/2008 14:03

I did this ONCE when my son was about 9 months and my husband was away and didn't feel very happy about it but there didn't seem any alternative.

It was about a six minute round trip down a very quiet country lane and I locked the house very carefully, checked on the baby and drove very, very carefully indeed. There was nobody else to ask to drive the girl and no taxi firm would have come out to us where we live.

rookiemater · 14/04/2008 14:05

I try to categorise things based on the likely risk of something happening. If you drove to give someone a lift home then quite a number of things could happen :

  • Car could break down so you would be a lot longer than anticipated
  • Children could wake up, quite likely with front door slamming and car engine starting, and could try to leave house or switch kettle on or do something silly
  • Someone could break in - granted very low chance of this happening
  • Neighbours could see you have gone out and report you to social services

The chance of any of these things happening are very small, but its the fact that there are a number of combined risks that would stop me doing it. I do leave DS in the car at the petrol station though.

claricebeansmum · 14/04/2008 14:05

spicey

purpleduck · 14/04/2008 14:06

clarice

BUT, I guess if you are worried, and not concentrating on your driving, then the liklihood of something happening goes up?

Bridie3 · 14/04/2008 14:08

Yes--you have to make your own personal risk assessment and each family will come up with a different conclusion for some of these things because we all live in different surroundings, have children of different ages/temperaments, etc.

MrsMacaroon · 14/04/2008 14:15

christ- YANBU... slack parenting.

branflake81 · 14/04/2008 14:17

Actually I probably would do it - if it was a short journey and the child was very young (ie under 1 and unable to get out of bed alone). I wouldn't for an older child because I would fear what they might try and do if they woke up.

windygalestoday · 14/04/2008 14:24

i used to work about 5 miles from home in a rural countryside area - i finished work as late as 3am some nights and would walk or cycle home because for my dh to come collect me either he would have to leave ds 5-7 home alone and we were both concerned if we were in an accident they would be home alone and noone would know or both boys would have to be woken up to come with him to get me- when i fell pregnant with ds my fantstic boss used to get out of bed to drive me home even now when i went to do my xmas food shop at 4am dh was at work i awoke eldest ds whos 14 to sit downstairs until i got back

Mercy · 14/04/2008 14:34

I have left my dc alone once for approx 10 mins whilst I went to the shop (they were about 3.5 and 6). I suppose I could have been knocked down by a car or attacked or something but that could happen if I had taken them too.

Ime my children are just as likely to get into trouble of the sort described here (turning on kettles etc) when I'm in the shower or if I left them alone for a few minutes.

But in this case I would have paid for a taxi for the childminder.

cestlavie · 14/04/2008 14:37

Am also from the school of thought that DD won't spontaneously detonate if left unattended for longer than 1.7 seconds, but even this seems a little hectic for me.

Fortunately, I'm usually waaaay too drunk by the time I get back to the babysitter to ever make this a likely dilemma for me!

2GIRLS · 14/04/2008 15:42

She gets a babysitter then leaves them alone to drive the babysitter home? She must have a screw loose quite frankly.

It's definitely not the same as going outside for a smoke, (btw dynamicnanny, why would she stand at the bottom of the garden? When I go into the garden for a ciggie I stand right outside the back door.)

RosaLuxforherfriends · 14/04/2008 21:38

I was at an evening do last summer and an acquaintance of mine got her husband to come and pick her up leaving the kids asleep in the house. I was a bit not just because he was leaving the children alone (though only for a few minutes) but because it had never even occurred to her to WALK to and from the event, whereas it never occurred to me NOT to, and I live further away.
But I digress...
Like Kewcumber, I am at the slack end of the parenting spectrum - regularly leave 10-year-old alone for an hour or so in the daytime, let her go out and about alone etc, have used baby listeners in hotels and I would NEVER consider leaving young sleeping children alone in the house like that.

Quattrocento · 14/04/2008 21:45

"Intrigued by the number of MNers who think if they left their house it would spontaneously combust..."

One of our trees blew down in a howling gale - smashed DS's window

Once we had a gas leak - I smelled it and made us all decamp to a hotel until it had been sorted

Once DD got up during a nightmare and managed to lacerate herself in a freak accident involving a footscraper thingy and a pair of blunt nailscissors

Once DD climbed out of the window (she climbs everything by reflex) and I found her perched on a roof

Countless times they have woken up and thrown up

YANBU to the OP btw

harpomarx · 14/04/2008 21:45

my mum did this once with my brother when he was a baby, jumped into the car to pick up my dad from the station, my brother was sleeping and she didn't want to wake him up.

it had been raining and the roads were flooded and closed on the way back, it took her a lot longer than she expected.

she is still shocked 40 years later at what she did... you are not being unreasonable, the house may not spontaneously combust cb's mum but the unexpected can happen.

LittleBella · 14/04/2008 21:58

I don't know why, but I think there's something about going in a car which would stop me. Simply because of the possibility of an accident or a breakdown, the fact that you are in a car adds an extra risk factor.

I take the point about if you took the kid with you, it would mean they would also be involved in the accident, but I think these fears are quite primal; the idea that our children should be involved in an accident without us to comfort them, is worse than the idea that they should have an accident with us present. And if my house spontaneously combusts this evening, I will hear the smoke alarms go off and know what to do; my children on their own, wouldn't.

MsPontipine · 14/04/2008 22:14

Why bother with the babysitter then? If she's prepared to leave them alone for 20 minutes she may as well leave them all night.

Beeper · 14/04/2008 22:21

Its bloody illegal.

Swipe left for the next trending thread