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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be shocked my friend leaves her dcs - even briefly - home alone?

83 replies

mrsshackleton · 14/04/2008 12:35

Yesterday a very good friend was telling me how she drove the babysitter home on Saturday night
I was surprised because my friend's dh is away, so this meant leaving the dcs - aged three and 10 months alone in the house
She said "She only lives 10 minutes away and the kids never wake up" and added that a mutual friend regularly drives the babysitter a good few miles leaving her ds aged two alone.
I know being a single parent which my friend effectively is is bloody tough but still ...? Is this common practice? I would feel very uneasy leaving dcs and would personally pay for a taxi but maybe I am the odd one out?

OP posts:

RosaLuxforherfriends · 14/04/2008 22:24

Technically, you know, it is not. But she could be charged with neglect and with children of that age would have a hard job defending her actions.

pinkyminky · 14/04/2008 22:27

I wouldn't do it- what if child woke up and wondered where everyone was? Give babysitter money for taxi instead.

seeker · 14/04/2008 22:36

It's not illegal. But I wouldn't do it.

However..... (in a putting the cat among the pigeons sort of way).... I presume all these outraged people are vehemently opposed to controlled crying?

RosaLuxforherfriends · 14/04/2008 22:44

Yup, Seeker, I am. Or cruelty to children as I prefer to call it.

Quattrocento · 14/04/2008 22:45

I don't see the connection between controlled crying - where you know that the child is safe - and leaving them home alone.

Quattrocento · 14/04/2008 22:46

Not, I hasten to add, that I ever did any of that controlled crying malarkey

seeker · 14/04/2008 22:49

People are saying that the children might wake up and cry and there be nobody to help them .....just seemed to be a bit of a parallel to me.....

Because we all know really that nothing physically damaging is going to happen to children left alone in the house for 10 minutes, don't we?

lilacclaire · 14/04/2008 22:50

I definetly wouldn't do it, i know any risk would be tiny, but the damage to my nerves would be horrendous.
Have I missed something, or what does this have to do with controlled crying?

RosaLuxforherfriends · 14/04/2008 22:53

At least 20 minutes, Seeker. But the main issue is that there is no back up for unforeseen circumstances.

Quattrocento · 14/04/2008 22:55

"Because we all know really that nothing physically damaging is going to happen to children left alone in the house for 10 minutes, don't we?"

No actually I don't know that and I thought I quoted a list of things that have actually happened in the space of ten minutes.

Psychomum5 · 14/04/2008 22:55

YANBU......anything can happen in those minutes, and a car accident can happen within seconds and is statistically proven to be likely within 1mile of your home too! (and this I can say with agreement too as all three of mine were less than a mile from my house!).

as and when I have had a babysitter while DH is away, I either pay for a taxi, or invite them to stay over and drop them home in the morning!

seeker · 14/04/2008 23:00

I accept the car thing - but I have never had an accident in the car. I bet most people on here haven't. And I bet that most people's children have not woken up and gone downstairs to turn the kettle on at 4 in the morning while their parents are sound asleep in their bedroom. Statistically, the chances of an accident happening are vanishingly small. But the children might wake up, cry and nobody come. In my opinion, that is a horrible and potentially damaging thing to happen to a child.

pinkyminky · 14/04/2008 23:03

Not sure what if anything it has to do with cc. Aren't you supposed to go in and reassure every so often?
My point is that DS wakes up (v. occasionally) and looks for us. If your child does wake it's likely that it was a bad dream or something they are not happy about. If the house is empty,but for DD, what effect would that have on him the next night? Very frightening for a little one. Not to mention the potential pickles small children can get themselves into in a very short space of time.

itsahardknocklife · 14/04/2008 23:04

I would rather pay for a cab than leave kiddies of that age. Anything could happen.

lisalisa · 14/04/2008 23:12

Message withdrawn

Quattrocento · 14/04/2008 23:15

I am going to mention the elephant in the chatroom -

McCann

TheHedgeWitch · 14/04/2008 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

itsahardknocklife · 15/04/2008 07:34

Quattro, I thought that too...

berolina · 15/04/2008 07:40

oh gawd no. Mine are nearly 3yo and nearly 7mo and tbh I don't even really leave them alone in the flat for 30sec to pop up/down one flight of stairs to the neighbour/letterbox/get the shopping from the buggy. Have maybe done this twice, and told ds1 to stay directly behind the door and wait for me.

cory · 15/04/2008 09:12

I've already said I wouldn't leave a sleeping child, or a very young child, and I stand by that. I really don't think it would be right.

But in your case, lisalisa- if the parents had been at home and asleep, from what the fireman said, their presence might not actually have provided that much protection. Adults suffocate in fires every year.

I have known parents to be a bit irrational about thinking their children will be protected by their simple presence. One Mum told me she couldn't leave her children in a locked car while popping across the road to post a letter, in case it was hit by another car. I didn't have the heart to ask her how she thought her presence would lessen the impact.

SlartyBartFast · 15/04/2008 09:14

tough one
difficult
if they're asleep why not though...
how else can baby sitter get home.

BouncingTurtle · 15/04/2008 09:20

I put ds in his car seat in the lounge and then run out to get the car out of the garage (attached to side of house on the lounge wall side). Only reason I do this is I can't open the car door far enough to get the car seat in when it's in the garage.
That's the only time I leave him on his own in the house. I certainly wouldn't leave him to drop off a baby sitter.
I have left him in a locked car to post a letter, but right next to the post box on a side road. Wouldn't do it on a main road. And I'm lucky that my nearest petrol station is pay at pump jobby.

OrmIrian · 15/04/2008 09:20

Too young, wrong time of day, and she was in her car. I'm never overcautious personally but I wouldn't do it.

MrsMattie · 15/04/2008 09:23

No way. There's no defence for it, sorry.

MotherofUBERboys · 15/04/2008 09:25

didnt we have this thread yesterday? or maybe just its twin...
3 and 10m too young to leave.
not a good idea.
wouldnt do it myself.
understand the temptation (what with them being asleep), but no.

NOT that i think;
the house will explode
someone will snatch them
a ghost will eat them
the water tank will fall throught the ceiling onto their heads.

just that they might wake up, get scared, twist in the covers, throw up... wake the other one... not go back to sleep... bugger that.

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