to be a SAHM

[Bluepinkgreenyellow]

Would you be a SAHM in my position?

I appreciate I am in an extremely fortunate position to be considering this. I'm late 30s and have 2 children under 4, currently on maternity leave. Need to make the decision soon if I don't return to my job. I've been part time after my first child. It was incredibly stressful juggling my LO and job, with a lot of responsibility - there's always more work to be done and it's hard to switch off. I want my kids to be my complete priority, and at the end of my life, I know I would regret not spending time with them, rather than not doing more work. I wouldn't say I enjoy my work - it's just something that needs to be done. I can't think of how adapting what I do would make me enjoy it more.

As for relying on my partner financially, we've spoken about how finances would work if I gave up work and we would pay into a private pension for me etc. If we were to split, I think would be tighter financially but would still be ok.

I want to be a SAHM but I'm also worried about judgement from others. I have achieved a lot in my professional qualifications and career to date, and wonder whether others I meet in the future would look down on me (eg other parents etc).

Is there anything else I'm missing or need to consider? How much do children still need you once they're in primary/secondary school?

You are being unreasonable - you would NOT be a SAHM in my position
You are not being unreasonable - you would be a SAHM in my position

I wouldn’t do it unmarried.

Entirely up to you
And you can always return to work later on
I couldn’t do it as I would hate to be dependent on anyone else , but it’s your life

Why do you care what others think? I am a housewife and mother. University graduated and worked in a career for many years. But I don’t live my life for outsiders. What counts is my happiness and that of my family and staying at home to raise my children is what works for us. I really don’t give two hoots about anyone else’s opinions on what is a private matter.

Sorry should have made clear that we are married.

Never give up your career even if you have to sacrifice your whole salary for a nanny. You’ll never ever get it back

Personally, no I wouldn't ever choose to be a SAHP but we're all different.

I think it would be very risky to do it if you're not married.

In real life outside of Mumsnet I don't think anyone will actually care (or even know unless you tell them) that you are a stay at home mum.

Sorry, I see that you are married
X posted.

Me neither but that’s easily solved with a quick registery office wedding.

In which case I would but then I’m a sahm and on the whole I love it.

I loved being a SAHM mum. When they started school, I went back to work.

If you did give up work, how easy would it be for you to go back/get another job in a few years? I won't lie, it's also nice being financially independent.

That's the thing - even though I've work really hard to get where I am, I don't really mind about being 'a career woman'. I don't feel satisfied in my work. To be honest, taking away the financial aspect, I just want to spend all the time and effort that I do on work, on my family.

That's assuming you want it back

Do it op, you may hate it and go back anyway so just do it.
My little one has just finished primary and I remember their first day so clearly. It's gone in a flash and we have teens now.

Re judgement (I was a sahm for about 6 years) and I've learned it's a highly emotive subject and I don't feel comfortable saying I was a sahm at all.
But who cares? It's your dc who will benefit and you have the rest of your life to work.

If that’s what you want, then just do it. It doesn’t need to be forever, just do it until they go to school.

Have a think about what type of work would give you satisfaction in the future (once they go to school you’ll have lots of free time and especially when they hit teenagers years when they’ll most likely not you want around at all!!). Is there anything you particularly enjoy?

If i was you I'd do it in a heartbeat. They're only little for a short time.

It'd be hard but not impossible. Would require a period of working for free to get recent relevant experience.

Why did you decide to go back to work?

Do what you want but unmarried you're entitled to nothing of his if you split

I gave up my professional career and became a SAHM when I had my fourth child. I returned to work when they were all in primary school, albeit very part time in poorly paid local roles - DH by then was earning significantly into 6 figures so we could afford for me to work 9-2 in much lower paid jobs than I was used to.

I absolutely loved being at home and haven't regretted it for a second - until recently, when DH has been effectively made redundant in a sector where there are very limited opportunities for someone of his seniority and age....so I am now going back into a full time job, earning about a third of what I was earning when I left my professional career 14 years ago, and praying that he finds something else.

If you do become a SAHM (and only you know whether this works for you and your family - ignore the judgement and noise that will come), then ensure you have a good pension, that you keep your skills up to date and ensure you have a good financial cushion if things don't go quite according to plan...!

Forget what other people think of you.

I wouldn’t be a sahp and give up financial independence. Purely because of the relationship goes south it’s a lot harder if you aren’t working.

But does it matter what I would do? Or what I think about you doing it?

I absolutely love being a stay at home mum.
I don’t worry what anyone else thinks I just worry about if my family are happy.
you do what you want for you :)

If you want to be a SAMH then do it! Don't look back and regret not doing something because you were afraid of judgement. I don't think anyone else will really bat an eyelid! And who cares if they do. Your kids are your priority and you want to dedicate the next few years to them.

You can always go back to work, but you won't get these years back.

Do what is right for you and your family. You can always look on it as a career break.
If you can afford it and you want it taking time to be with and enjoy your children is a great thing

I put yabu because you framed it in terms of what others would do in your shoes and I would absolutely hate to be a SAHM. But- as you want to be one I think you should absolutely do it! If you don't enjoy your job, you do enjoy being with the kids and you can afford it them it's a no brainer. Don't worry about judgement from others- it's only a few short years while the kids are little and you've got the rest of your life to work.

If you can afford to do it, do it. People may judge you but who cares? People will judge you for being a working mum too. You can't win in the game of trying to please everyone and be judged by no one. Fuck 'em.