Who is being unreasonable - children taken to park during summer camp

[Jimmies]

DS5 is doing summer holiday camp. Run by same people as do his after-school club. The holiday camp is held at the school, in the same hall/area as the after-school club.

Started from 9am this morning. DH dropped DS off at 10.30am (!) but found all the children and the staff had gone to a playground 10 mins walk up the road. So weren't at the school at all.

We weren't told there would be any trips out of the school.

I think if he'd been dropped off on time - it would have been mentioned they were planning on making a little trip. It's only 10 mins walk away, there are only 10 kids.

DH is furious. I think he's been v affected by yesterday's news and is saying no way can they just take kids to the park without us giving explicit permission for them to be taken off site. All the info and marketing of the club was about being at the school doing activities on site.

He wants to pull DS out of the holiday camp (which would NOT be good for DS at all). I want him to stay in the camp - it's with all his friends.

What do you think? I am under-reacting or is he over-reacting?

The issue is your DH dropped him off late, then they would’ve had the appropriate forms etc, not that they were there unnanounced .

I think I'd ask the summer camp. You say you 'think' parents would have been asked at drop off but you don't know. I would expect written approval to be required if children to be taken off site. But you need the facts.

OP has a DH problem, and yes, HE is being unreasonable.

He wants OP to do all the grunt work, organising, logistical-sorting, and then moan and get angry with everyone if it's not what he thought it was ... although if he'd actually delivered his son to the club on time, they likely would have mentioned the park outing.

DH's anxiety sounds quite unhealthy and unhinged. The fact that he's home this week and OP still wants her son at the holiday club instead of spending time with his dad is an indicator that (a) she recognises this, but (b) is putting off addressing how this is affecting the children.

I'd make it clear he needs to seek help for his anxiety or the marriage might become unsustainable, personally.

He's over reacting

The kids (and monitors!) would be bored senseless on site all summer

The most concerning thing here is your husband becomes angry when you disagree even gently with him. He sounds controlling on every angle here.

We don’t know that the other people in the school had anything to do with the play scheme. They could have been cleaners doing a deep clean, support staff, decorators, window fitters, senior staff doing planning, none of whom necessarily need to know what the play scheme has planned for the day.

Your DH is being ridiculous.

And it would also be ridiculous for a holiday club not to use a public park on gorgeous sunny day like today. Who would choose to keep 10 kids cooped up in a hall or in a tarmac playground when there's a park 10 minutes away?

Either you trust these people to look after your kids or you don't. If DH doesn't trust them he can take emergency parental leave and sort out an alternative. Loading this on you is pure misogyny.

This has little or no relevance to recent events, in my view he is shifting his frustrations over being caught out dropping DS late and no one being there, to blaming the club when all they have done is popped out for a change of scene - perfectly reasonably in the maj of peoples views

He is of a very particular type, who apply impossible standards to anyone else who comes into contact with their children but have low standards themselves (I.e bringing him 1.5 hours late). Maybe he needs to get his own shit together before acting like such an arse.

If he'd dropped off on time, he probably would've been given a permission slip to sign. As he was an hour and a half later, they probably assumed he wasn't coming.

It is usually those who are very much inadequate themselves who lash out and blame others. I work with small children and this is my conclusion anyway after 25 years.

Seems like a massive overreaction to me. Why would you want them kids cooped up in a school if a park is so close nearby?

Total overreaction.

Going to the park is a good thing.

Southport is a very tragic and unusual thing to happen. Whilst it's shocking don't lose perspective over this. Life goes on.

A lot of hate for your DH here and I don't think that's fair.

It's holidays, he wasn't late he just took your DC there later. Hopefully they had quality time getting ready together (probably not if anything like my DC)

You don't know that they would have said on drop off and I feel the potential for trips out is something that should be mentioned on the off set, not on the day of drop off in case you're not comfortable or it's not convenient for whatever reason.

I don't think his reaction is unreasonable but perhaps he's taken it a bit far.

You don’t have to justify all of your decisions. I think some people want to have an additional dig at your DH.

This would not have phased me at all. Dc summer scheme regularly took them on walks or to the local park etc.

This!!

He can't be wrong, so it must be them. That's the only reason he's so adamant that they wouldn't have said at drop off, it points out his mistake.

Why would nursery call to ask if your child is going. It's your responsibility to drop your child at nursery not the nursery's job to call and ask if you will be late.

And OPs husband is being very unreasonable. It's very sad what happened to those children yesterday, my heart breaks for them but that does not mean children will now be locked in doors going forward. And what would he have done if he was told? Hire private security for his child or skip work to go with them to the park?

I would expect summer camps etc to take kids outdoors as much as possible not keep them locked indoors.

Permission slip to go to the nearby park is ridiculous. I can understand going somewhere outside the normal activities, having to take a bus etc but a slip to go to the park is ridiculous. I would expect the camp to take kids out everyday as long as that weather is fine.

And please tell me what the permission slip would solve?

How is taking him later not being late?. And yes I'm SURE the reason they were late is that they were having quality time together. 🙄

When you talk about people at the school not knowing that the children were at the park, did he speak to someone from the summer camp or just someone in the school?
When I was a teacher I used to occasionally pop in to school to do some work in the holidays, but I would gave no clue what the summer school were doing.

My kids have been to a variety of summer clubs and camps. I've never had one where you don't have to give consent to move them or take them away from their base. Our local one it's hidden away in their terms and conditions but they back onto the park so they let them out a lot. They do big trips too that you sign a specific consent form for.

10 kids is ridiculously small though I'm amazed that 10 families is enough to pay the wages of the at least 3 adults they'd need to have

I agree with your DH that children should not be taken off site without consent. Not because this actually worries me, but because that is a basic practice that a childcare setting should have knowledge of and follow, and if they're not it would make me wonder what else they are doing/not doing.

He's unreasonable to get upset without knowing whether or not it was raised at the 9am drop off. He's unreasonable to get angry and to show his anxieties to your DS.

He's also unreasonable to be late. On today of all days, I'm not sure why your DH thought it was appropriate to walk into a childcare setting halfway through a session.

It's worth noting that the person on site that your husband spoke to might have had nothing to do with the club. I work during the summer at my school and I do sometimes approach parents wandering around the car park looking lost with their kids trying to find the football club that runs on our school field.

He sounds like a complete nightmare for you, your kids and the people running the club.

I'm an arse, but if it was my husband, I'd be telling him if he didn't like it, then he needed to find and book a different club. And I'd be saying that on repeat every time he mentioned anything about it. I have zero tolerance for a moaning manchild.

Sorry to have to explain simple things for you! If you don’t have to be there at a specific time, the time you get there is not late. HTH