Who is being unreasonable - children taken to park during summer camp

[Jimmies]

DS5 is doing summer holiday camp. Run by same people as do his after-school club. The holiday camp is held at the school, in the same hall/area as the after-school club.

Started from 9am this morning. DH dropped DS off at 10.30am (!) but found all the children and the staff had gone to a playground 10 mins walk up the road. So weren't at the school at all.

We weren't told there would be any trips out of the school.

I think if he'd been dropped off on time - it would have been mentioned they were planning on making a little trip. It's only 10 mins walk away, there are only 10 kids.

DH is furious. I think he's been v affected by yesterday's news and is saying no way can they just take kids to the park without us giving explicit permission for them to be taken off site. All the info and marketing of the club was about being at the school doing activities on site.

He wants to pull DS out of the holiday camp (which would NOT be good for DS at all). I want him to stay in the camp - it's with all his friends.

What do you think? I am under-reacting or is he over-reacting?

Well if he'd turned up on time, he would have been asked. His fault. Hes the one who fucked up, not them. He doesn't know that they wouldn't have presented him with a permission slip had he been where he was supposed to be, when he was supposed to be there.

Tell him to wind his neck in and his watch up while he's at it.

And then to drop them off 1.5 hours late!

The holiday club is part of the after school club. Whatever paperwork you have done for afterschool club will be the same for this.

Did they turn DS away? Is that why DH is so angry?

Really? That surprises me.
I'll acquiesce to your knowledge in this area but just seems odd.

My DS doesn't do holiday camps any more as he has autism and most of them just aren't geared up for his needs, so it's not really a problem I come across

I'd be more concerned about children being stuck inside a school hall all day for 6 weeks.

It's not unreasonable to ask them what activities are planned and what location though so you have the option of keeping them home.

I can empathize with your husband's anxiety following yesterday's attack but things like that are extremely rare plus the attack happened in the hall rather than a public place anyway. Does he have mental illness like anxiety or past trauma as things like that can be helped with CBT, therapy etc.

Easy resolution to this is that if he wants more paperwork and info, then he can sort the holiday childcare and let you know when it's all arranged.

If he doesn't want to use holiday childcare then he needs to take the time off and provide the childcare himself.

Anxiety can manifest sometimes as anger. But if he's a decent father then I'm surprised he thinks it's OK to do this in front of one of his children.

Is your husband usually an hour and a half late for things?

Is the holiday camp open to any children, or only to children who are already part of the school/AFC? I ask as with DD's dance camp, as a long-standing member of the club who signed all the right forms at the beginning, when she does summer camp, I Just send a whatsapp and transfer the cash basically! But I assume that's because all the official paperwork is still valid and that if a child who is NOT a member of the school attends, there's far more comprehensive paperwork to sign?

Similarly, DS attends a basketball camp sometimes. The coach told me that as DS has been signe dup and registered previously, he can just turn up on the day if he wants to come and bring his cash with him as they have all his details etc. Admittedly, he's a bit older so that might be slightly different.

Personally, I'm never wild about camps taking my children off somewhere if I don't know abut it, but I feel that's a bit irrational because I neevr minded our nanny doing so or when parents at a play date do so. So I just smile politely when they do this sort of thing and enjoy that DD has had a great time.

I am a teacher and spend a couple of days in my classroom every summer getting things sorted. I would have no idea if the holiday club were on or off site - I don't run it or have anything to do with it. I would however open the door to a child from school if I saw them outside and see if I could see the club in the hall. There's likely no club staff member at school. At our place they have a mobile for the club so parents can reach them as there's no contact through the school office even in term time

Also, if the fire alarm goes off the club leaders are responsible for knowing which children they have. Presumably those club leaders are at the park supervising the children.

He thinks I should have been sent a permission slip or notification that they were going off site today.

In this - he is 100% correct. To take a child away from where the parents have specially left them - without getting written consent- is not acceptable imo, and the organisers are leaving themselves open to all kinds of problems.

He's overreacting possibly because he dropped off late when he would have been informed
The organisers are " in loco parentis"

Gates are locked for DS' holiday camp at 9:30, why on earth does he think he as an unvetted adult can just wander in whenever and doesn't see that as a safeguarding risk, but objects to a walk to the park?!

Moral of the story is for him to not be so late! Is he that late for work usually?! Why is your son at summer camp if your husbands off?

Absolutely.

He’s seriously got the damn cheek to say they are unprofessional and too relaxed when he was an HOUR AND A HALF LATE. He needs a good look at himself.

Definitely not on any paperwork for the after-school club. I just checked. I filled in one form about allergies and with emergency contact details last summer, and haven't filled in anythign since.

I still don't necessarily think problem - just answering people's question about that.

Yes, I think it's bad they're late, H doesn't think so. Doesn't see it as late. Definitely using it a drop in centre!

Maybe the staff were too busy calling all the parents who couldn't be arsed to drop their kids off on time to sort out permission forms?

I'm taking the piss but I mean come on... Thinking you can drop your kid off to an organised activity at any random point in the day when suits you. It's not on.

Your H sounds unbelievably rude and disrespectful to both you and the staff running the session. So essentially all the women who are taking a much more active role in looking after his child...

So what if it's not school?! There's a million other activities in life where you need to show up on time otherwise you cause chaos and it shows no respect whatsoever for the people you're dealing with. Work, fitness classes, sports teams, medical appointments, haircuts.. the list is endless!

The holiday club providers aren't some kind of private personal nanny that's at the beck and call of your H and you can drop your kids off whenever you please.

And I say that as someone who's run summer schools in the past. I would have no time for this kind of attitude.

Is there any reason he isn't looking after your child if he's not working?

But that’s not the situation. He was late. The child was not taken away from where they had been left. Permission wasn’t sought because he wasn’t there to ask and they weren’t taking his child to the park.

I think he's probably shaken from yesterday.
We hear so often nowadays about school shootings in America and it's lost its shock. Something this close to home, feels like Dunblane all over again. People are collectively really devastated.
I think he's being unreasonable btw, I'd much rather the kiddos went the park, but I do have sympathy. I think when tragedy occurs, even if you've no direct link to the tragedy, on some level we are all affected just because it's so out of the realms of something most of can ever imagine.
It doesn't need to be a near miss for many people to struggle with what if.
Your neonatal nurse doesn't need to be lucy letby, your concert didn't need to be Arianna grande, you didn't personally have to accept a lift from Fred West. Just the fact these atrocities happen to ordinary memebers of the public can really unsettle people, to the point of a bit of paranoia.
Some folk are panicky by nature and don't have that skill to not overthink.
I wonder if your DH is like that, bit of a worrier?
Hopefully he comes around and sees he's being daft.

I do think that it is just good practice to inform parents if children are going to be off site and what times and days that will be from and until. For all sorts of reasons - e.g. if somebody had a family emergency and needed to collect the child early.

If they took a last minute decision to change plan it would raise questions in me about how prepared they were for things that could arise at the other location.

Your DH is angry about a hypothetical situation though - he has assumed that they wouldn't have informed parents /got permission but he doesn't know that as he wasn't there. The most be should be doing is contacting the holiday club to express surprise and concern, not to be angry at them.

I also think that from an organisers point of view a child being brought at a random hour instead of on time, without forewarning, is a logistical nightmare.