Who is being unreasonable - children taken to park during summer camp

[Jimmies]

DS5 is doing summer holiday camp. Run by same people as do his after-school club. The holiday camp is held at the school, in the same hall/area as the after-school club.

Started from 9am this morning. DH dropped DS off at 10.30am (!) but found all the children and the staff had gone to a playground 10 mins walk up the road. So weren't at the school at all.

We weren't told there would be any trips out of the school.

I think if he'd been dropped off on time - it would have been mentioned they were planning on making a little trip. It's only 10 mins walk away, there are only 10 kids.

DH is furious. I think he's been v affected by yesterday's news and is saying no way can they just take kids to the park without us giving explicit permission for them to be taken off site. All the info and marketing of the club was about being at the school doing activities on site.

He wants to pull DS out of the holiday camp (which would NOT be good for DS at all). I want him to stay in the camp - it's with all his friends.

What do you think? I am under-reacting or is he over-reacting?

1.5 hours late !

very lucky they accepted him.

he was prob already marked as non attendance.

This

DH is off work this week - and is ridiculously slow in the mornings. I said to him 'they would have told you when you dropped him off on time' - he said 'you don't know that' blah blah.

DH isn't against the park. But he think it's shows an unprofessional/too relaxed attitude that we didn't know they were going to the park today. He keeps saying 'they've fucked up, they've fucked up' - honestly - it's too much!

I said - they will have seen they only have 10 kids, that it is SO hot, and thought today is a good day for a park visit. Which it is. So it probably was a bit last minute but trips are weather dependent.

I don't agree with him. But he's get angrier if I try to gently suggest he's overreacting. So wanted to check my instincts on this as i feel v relaxed it!

Your DH sounds a bit of a twat to be fair. Why on earth was your poor DS so late and why isn't your DH thinking about what is best for DS?

It's a non event as your son wasn't there, so didn't go to the park.

However, had your son been there, what is your DHs objection to 10 kids being taken to a local park, under appropriate supervision, with a risk assessment?

I'd much rather my child had a change of scenery to a fun place, getting exercise, with their friends, than being stuck in the same hall for 6 hours each day or however long the club is.

Is there a bit of your DH that is a bit embarrassed at being so late but doesn't want to admit his own error, so is deflecting his anger at something else. Making the morning palaver about the club leaving the building rather than his inability to get his child there anywhere close to the opening time.

Your dh messed up and not the club. Does he normally behave like this? I suspect that something was said to him about being so late and this is the reason he is behaving like this.

My DC2 goes to a nursery that takes them out every day - I never know where they'll go because they decide based on the weather and who's in on the day. I think that's a positive though - yesterday they were at the beach in the morning and then the park in the afternoon. Brilliant, and much better than staying in nursery every day.

My eldest goes to their associated out of school club, and they drive to a different park or beach every day. We do get the schedule in advance, but they'll change it if the weather isn't playing ball.

Basically, your DH seems to want them to reduce the quality of their provision.

Your DH just sounds worse and worse TBH.

Can you not just shut him up by saying you've asked a friend's parent and they were asked to give verbal permission in the morning or something?

He sounds quite insufferable to be honest!

Can you not just ask the holiday club?
"When can I expect to be asked for permission regarding trips during the day".
They will probably say in the morning when your child is dropped off (on time).
Your DH is being a knob. He needs to get up and ready and get your child there on time.

Totally over the top and performative outrage by the DH. He sounds ridiculous and annoying.

I’ve run this type of thing. Usually we would have one consent signed to cover any anctivities away from the site when you registered. It’s too hard to do it day by day.

Usually we would have had a programme available too mind you so you could see what your child was doing and what was on offer each day.

Sounds like a bit of a dick.
Maybe the issue HE fucked up by attending so late he was not aware of planned activities.
The club did not fuck up. They probably looked at weather, ratios etc and decided to ask for verbal consent on drop off
No doubt they presumed once past a certain point that DS was not coming in today due to being so late

He's massively overreacted. You will have given permission for him to be taken off site. He needs to get some help to deal with that anger, it isn't a normal reaction at all.

Just to be 100% clear - he's not anti-park. He thinks I should have been sent a permission slip or notification that they were going off site today. He doesn't know anything about the club as (shock horror) - I booked it.

He does get anxious but he gets angry-anxious. So unreasonably anxious and then v angry if you suggest that he might be a bit anxious. He keeps saying 'I can't believe you think this is acceptable'

He's also saying it in front of DS3 who is at home. I just think all this anxiety and anger rubs off on our kids.

Yesterday was horrific. Beyond anything I can imagine. But we need to protect our kids from the anxiety of that - not take them out of summer clubs and shout in front of them!

I don't know. I'm just trying to get on with my job, but wanted to check my instincts on this stuff as he often tells me i under-react to thing.

I do hope that your DH isn't going to shout and swear at the staff tomorrow.

So you would rather your kids be kept inside on a hot day than having fun at the park. Lovely
and show up when you’re meant to if you want an opinion

If he got there on time there would be no problem and he would have been told.

I imagine they weren’t very happy with your DS turning up an hour and a half late. It’s disruptive to the day.

Your husband actually has no idea whether parental/ guardian consent was gotten or not as he wasn’t where. They could have decided on the morning to go to the park early due to the heat to avoid them being stuck in one place every day and checked individually with parents at drop off.

What a terrible example he is setting. Short local trips are allowed without specific permission and are really common.
I dropped my dd at her club this morning, with the news of this other event I didn't feel good about it. They are wonderful, but it was a little hard to leave her, however I know not to show those feelings to dd. He needs to grow up.

Have you checked all the Terms and Conditions from when the camp was booked - it may mention that they could go off site.

You can’t build your life around these terrible events. A child is statistically more likely to die in the home, or be killed crossing the road.

I’m not taking away from how terrible yesterday was, it was the stuff of nightmares.

We still all go to pop concerts, ride the Underground, fly on planes, go into the city .. as we know these events are so rare, and that’s what we need to be showing our children. You can’t spend your life in fear, and you can’t manage every risk .

I'm going to go against the grain here somewhat - while I do think that your DH's reaction is over the top, and it's not helped that he was so late dropping your DS off, he may have a point that trips to the park etc should be informed to parents in advance. This may be that permission is sought on drop off, or may be something that you signed as a 'cover all' - I don't think it's unreasonable for him to question this. It's just that he's doing in in such an over the top, dramatic way, that isn't helping the situation at all.

So how furious was he really? Furious enough to say “Well, I am taking my child home/ to work today at great inconvenience because I don’t trust you”

or not furious enough to disrupt his day so left the child with them in the park?

Why would a group of 10 children and a couple of staff at a park be in any more danger from an incident like yesterday than if they were at a school? The incident was at a holiday club type thing in some sort of youth club wasn't it? Schools and other buildings like that aren't Fort Knox and if a person with a weapon is hell bent on getting access they can. It's a very very small risk that such a thing would occur. He should read the paperwork around the booking of the club and see what it says about permission for "trips" or taking children off site. But even if there isn't express permission requested for a walk to a park 10 mins away, taking children a short walk away to a park is perfectly reasonable behaviour for a childcare provider. They're expected to facilitate young children having regular playtime outside.