Who is being unreasonable - children taken to park during summer camp

[Jimmies]

DS5 is doing summer holiday camp. Run by same people as do his after-school club. The holiday camp is held at the school, in the same hall/area as the after-school club.

Started from 9am this morning. DH dropped DS off at 10.30am (!) but found all the children and the staff had gone to a playground 10 mins walk up the road. So weren't at the school at all.

We weren't told there would be any trips out of the school.

I think if he'd been dropped off on time - it would have been mentioned they were planning on making a little trip. It's only 10 mins walk away, there are only 10 kids.

DH is furious. I think he's been v affected by yesterday's news and is saying no way can they just take kids to the park without us giving explicit permission for them to be taken off site. All the info and marketing of the club was about being at the school doing activities on site.

He wants to pull DS out of the holiday camp (which would NOT be good for DS at all). I want him to stay in the camp - it's with all his friends.

What do you think? I am under-reacting or is he over-reacting?

Total over-reaction if they're otherwise caring and professional. It was bloody boiling yesterday. I'd just be chuffed that the kids got some fresh air and exercise in the lovely weather tbh. I reckon you'd probably find it's in the t and c's you've already been given.

These terrorist attacks are terrifying and I don't begrudge anyone for wanting to protect their precious children. However there really is only so much we can do to keep our little ones safe. They have to live their childhood and to live it without fear as best we can manage. Recent events have just made me realise that you just never know when your last interaction with a loved one might be. Hug them extra tight and tell them you love them before you leave them at school/holiday club, try not to get too frustrated if they're running late for school and won't put their shoes on. You just never know so keep your love for them at the forefront of anything you do

The only reasonable explanation (for me) is that it's a club he really wanted to do and this was the only week he could go to it. Rather than it being a childcare thing.

Otherwise, yes, why isn't dad having a week with his son?

If he’s that bothered and is off work there’s your answer. He can look after him day in day out.

I think if one child's parents refused to allow trips off-site, they might find their child wasn't allowed to attend the club because they'd have to leave a member of staff behind with that child. This would mean one less person with all the other children.

Why is your son at holiday club if your husband is off work? Surely you book holiday clubs for the days both parents are working. I see his point of view to be honest although it sounds like he expresses it horribly. If I put my kids in holiday club I want them to stay there. Our school holiday camp has full use of the school playground and outside space so there’s no need to go to a park up the road where anyone could be. I wouldn’t veto it but I would be more anxious about a trip out that isn’t needed, compared to staying onsite, especially for the little infants. But a) if I was off work my kids would be home anyway and b) I wouldn’t go home and rant and rave angrily about it.

He sounds mentally unwell. He really does.
Not only was he being rude as hell being 1.5 hrs late, he is also quite happy to be pissed off at the people who is entertaining his child even though

DH is off work this week

And you are gently telling him? I would tell him to shut the fuck up as he seriously is portraiting himself as being unhinged.

One and a half hour late is ridiculous.
If he'd have managed to get his arse out earlier he'd have been told of the park trip.

Are you aware that schools have playgrounds? Nobody is trapped indoors .

OP your husband is nuts. Going to the park and playground is fun, and most holiday clubs do stuff like that. He is probably just cross because he was very late and this highlighted that.

He would hate it here, they all cycled to the beach and went swimming.

He's not in a position to complain, either he thinks the child being out of the house with others is a choice he's happy to make, or it's not.

The details are irrelevant unless they were taking them somewhere completely ridiculous like Disneyworld or an abattoir or a drugs den or something. He's not going to stop a knife attack in a park any more or less than he is in a school hall.

Sounds like he's in a grump because he was so awkwardly late and trying to find someone else to blame.

Why are people derailing a thread to criticise a parenting choice that isn't harmful and isn't any of their business. There could be any number of reasons he's in a holiday club. It's totally irrelevent to the thread

Well it’s not really irrelevant because it doesn’t make sense that he’s apparently so anxious about the safety of holiday club that he’s ranting and raving about it, yet isn’t keeping the child at home with him while he’s off work on leave. Yes there may be a clear reason but it’s not unreasonable to enquire about that seemingly strange inconsistency!

If it's held at the school, I'd have expected they use the school playground for outdoor activities not walk 10 minutes down the road to the park. I wouldn't have been happy about this either I'm with your Dh.

Even if it genuinely was unreasonable of the holiday camp staff to take the children to the park, how on earth will a temper tantrum be of any help in resolving the issue?

Your DH messed up here by turning up 1.5hrs late. If he'd been on time, he would have been in a position to either give or refuse permission for your child to go to the park.

He was only pissed off because he had to walk 10 min to the park and 10 min back.

But there could be some kids going to that camp all summer - do you not think a change of scene is a good thing?

You should pull him out of the summer club, after school club and school to be safe.

Assuming you've signed up to this in writing and they are not just winging it, then he is over reacting.
If they are assuming it's perfectly fine to do what they like then I think he has a point. Not that it would stop an incident like yesterdays.
If he wants to pull DS out of camp, what's he proposing to do with him for the week so he has social engagement and activities all day? Are you WFH and so is he assuming it will all be taken care of by you with a bit of CBeebies?

The primary school has a massive playground - so they went 10 mins up the road to a smaller playground. I guess change of scene but it is day one.

I have checked - there aren't actually any T&Cs or anything. I was sent a marketing leaflet and then a form to say which days and with the payment details. Nothing else. Of course you may all be right that they would have got verbal consent at the start of the day. DH thinks not but he can't know as he wasn't there on time.

I'm pretty relaxed as it's the same people who have been looking after him after-school for the last year. So I feel fine and wasn't expecting lots of T&Cs

I guess this is where DH and I differ - he wants more paperwork, more info, but he also doesn't organise any of it!

Also, I have said we need DS to be there on time but H insisting it's not school so he can be dropped off whenever!

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams that's exactly the phrase DH used - "they are winging it"

So i think when he came late, there was someone there who thought the kids were still on site and they were looking for them for ages, and then finally someone realised maybe they'd gone off site. It made DH feel nervous that no one seemed to know where anyone was.

I was going to suggest this too. Unless your DH has read the permission form fully, I think he may find they already have consent for trips in the local community. Our clubs all have this in the sign up form including permission to take the children swimming.

I'm a Brown Owl and when our parents sign up, there is part of the form that says they are giving permission for us to take the girls on local outings within our meeting time, but we must let all parents know what is happening beforehand so they can make a decision as to whether to participate in that particular meeting. (This is a recent change - previously we had to get a specific consent form for every outing). It would need to be risk assessed and we would have our first aid kit with us so even if it was short notice, we'd probably know the night before and be able to send an email / text message to parents.

So I wouldn't be entirely happy at them informing you on drop off that morning - the good weather has been forecast for a few days now, and i think it would have easy to send an email to all parents signed up to explain the plan (especially as maybe a different family member might have done drop off anyway?). But i think your DH is overreacting a little bit - presumably partially cause by being cross at himself because they were so late to get there and not get the full story about what is going on.

If it's held at the school, I'd have expected they use the school playground for outdoor activities not walk 10 minutes down the road to the park.

Depends what outdoor space the school has. They might have no green space, or only a very small area. Park will have much more space for running games and ball games, trees for shade, plants and wildlife to observe, maybe a pond with ducks, play equipment...

And walking is good. Even just going for a walk somewhere is better than staying in one place all day.

He is being massively unreasonable not to drop DS at the start time of the club, imagine if everyone did the same, it would be chaos for the organisers and disruptive for the activities they have planned. Very selfish. Fine to be running late on occasion but 1.5 hours is ridiculous.

And yeah taking them to the park is a non issue and they would probably have mentioned at drop off. Why is he so angry???

Did you fill in a registration form? The one the playscheme I ran used had permission on that for local outings that didn't require any change of pick up/drop off times or a packed lunch. Most places I've ever been involved with use this type of permission (including schools).

It means you can plan things loosely for Tuesday but easily switch to Wednesday or Thursday if the weather is foul/too hot or you've not enough helpers etc.

Your husband is being incredibly rude to the staff turning up 1.5 hours late.