Husbands new employee

[onesu]

Would you be ok with your husband hiring someone he had previously slept with, and had history with when working together before?

The woman in question, (after we got together) slept with another employees husband who she met his wife and kids a few times each week.

I feel uncomfortable working so close (same office, two desks apart) with someone he had history with, understand everyone has a past etc. just have an awful feeling about this. I'm of course unreasonable, and it's for "the good of the business".

My hormones are playing havoc from stopping breastfeeding so not sure if this is playing a part.

I'd question why it was necessary for him to hire this person, which I'm assuming it wasn't

Nopety nope. I wouldn’t have agreed to that at all.

I find it hard to believe that she was the only suitable candidate unless the work is extremely niche.

She must be uniquely skilled in this very niche area of work, otherwise, why would you 🤦🏾‍♀️.

The only thing she's uniquely skilled in, is getting her fanny out.

It's a diverse role and she has some experience of each task from working for him previously. It's not complex, but I do sort of understand his rationale behind it. But anyone in the industry could pick up some more 'niche' aspects.
^
I think because the married man she slept with also, was always telling everyone how much he loved his wife, family etc. we were all so blindsided by it when it happened. (I don't condone the married man in this), but personally I could never sleep with someone whose wife and kids I see and friendly chat to on a daily basis). Thinking if I can easily happen to his life, no one is safe!
^
I was wondering if it was just jealousy playing a part, or my own insecurities or hormones etc. He's flipping between I understand why you have these feelings, to do you not trust me, to it's for the needs of the business and it's happening.
^
I understand everyone has a past, but I don't want to live in his?^

It was for OP, and no one else. No I don't think 'trust' comes into it, because the decision alone is an untrustworthy one.

Oh I think that is a brilliant way of putting it: the decision alone is an untrustworthy one. I totally agree with you there.

There was attraction then and it will still be there now plus the fact she's not averse to shagging married men. You've presumably not long had a baby you're vulnerable in a lot of random ways I wouldn't be happy about it at all.

I'd say he's equally skilled but let's shit on the woman yes?

Apologies for the text appearing funny not sure what I've done!

Baby is 7 months if that makes any difference?

I am trying to wean off breastfeeding so do recognise my hormones are all over the place, which I why I posted. I don't know if it's hormones making me feel this way, or just my gut!

There was attraction then and it will still be there now

Possibly, but people break up for a reason. I am casual acquaintances with a handful of people I have dated in the past and for the life of me I do not find them remotely attractive to the point of me thinking 'what the hell was I doing'.

It was countless one night stands, alongside working with each other if that makes a difference.

No I wouldn’t be ok with it. Even if nothing happens between them, hiring her is bound to cause you some anxiety and unnecessary worry (as it already has). For this reason I find it unreasonable and frankly disrespectful. You have a small baby to look after, your DH should be making your life easier, not causing you stress. It could have easily been avoided.
You’ll likely be spending considerable amount of time now worrying about his whereabouts, long hours, phone usage etc. He shouldn’t have done it.

No, I'd be asking him to get a new job.
However, I'd also be cross if I applied for a job, someone from the interview panel was someone from my past, and I didn't get the job on that basis. If she was the best, could the company legitimately not have offered her the job? Maybe if there was someone else as a near contender, but not if she was clearly the best.

Two words:- FUCK NO.
Longer answer… It would be much easier for him to properly train someone new (and cheaper in the long run) than the inevitable divorce and lawsuits that will eventuate if he continues down this path. Idiot.

He's the owner. No formal interview etc.

She was renting a business from him (not working closely, she was doing it solo) wasn't working out financially (she was making no money, so in turn he wasn't getting paid for the rental), they agreed it wasn't working and for her to step out.

Then he's created this role.

Sorry if this is a drip feed, hard to explain.

Your husband is being an insensitive prick by even thinking about it, let alone doing it without consulting you & then rejecting your valid concerns.

Although this woman is clearly untrustworthy, my biggest worry would be your husband - his attitude towards you, his wife & mother of his young baby, is deplorable!

Ask him how he’d feel if you hired an ex bf to work for you or even if your boss happened to hire someone you had a history with.
Can guarantee he wouldn’t like it.

I did, he said he wouldn't care as he trusts me.

Obviously saying that as he knows the position would never arise.

Haha yeah right! Of course he would say that if there isn't a chance of it ever happening!

As other posters have said, absolutely fucking not.

Is it already a done deal @onesu or is he just suggesting it?

Regardless, I would feel massively disrespected that he would even consider it.

Why is this only his decision? He might be the business owner, but you are married, and this directly impacts you.

I would telling my husband that you view this woman as a threat to your marriage because:

• he has a casual sexual history with her;
• she has demonstrated a poor moral compass by previously sleeping with married men; and
• the thought of him forcing you to work with her in such close quarters is making you unhappy which will inevitably bleed into your family time and can't be compartmentalised to your work life.

I honestly can't fathom my husband putting me in a situation that makes me uncomfortable like this, such that I'd need to even have a conversation like this with him.

It's perfectly reasonable to feel uncomfortable about this yet still trust your husband. I trust mine with my life, but that doesn't mean I'd like to work in close quarters with his ex flings!

I suppose I'm the type who's often described as a cool wife. I'm completely fine with DH having female friends etc. However, even I'd be uncomfortable with this!
It's not so much about not trusting him now - it's more the fact that they've had sex in the past. Every time they see each other there will be that memory. A little frisson between them.

God no, I wouldn’t like that at all.

because they're attractive, same reason you would sleep with anyone