AIBU to be a little hurt at boyfriends suggestion of exercise?

[GladAmberEagle]

Been with my boyfriend just shy of a year now. He’s great, very funny etc. he’s never mentioned anything about my weight before - I’m a size 14, I suppose I carry it well (as in I don’t look as heavy as I am) but I could definitely lose a stone or 2.

We were chatting on the phone early and I mentioned a cycle to work scheme my work has on. He said something along the lines of ‘well you should consider it, you’d tone up’ I was taken a back by this because as I’d mention, he’s never made a comment about my weight before. I asked him what he was implying in a joking way and he said ‘well I’m just saying, exercise is good’.

AIBU to be a little upset over this? I mean, I won’t lose sleep over it, but still. Or am I being too sensitive?

I’m sorry he said this

It's interesting because the 'tone up' implies looks, not health. I think my DH would have encouraged it, but from a health point of view. Which is different.

I think I'd also be a little hurt.

It’s the tone up comment that would make me feel hurt too

Cycling is wonderful exercise and really good for the environment. It is a compliment to you that your boyfriend suggested it.

I wouldn't take his comment as a dig at your weight.
By your own admission, you could lose a stone or two, so I think that's why you might be feeling a bit sensitive about it.

Hmm, I don't think there's any harm in anyone suggesting exercise, we all need to do it and if you care about someone, you want them to be fit and healthy, but I'm not sure about highlighting toning up as a reason. Unless maybe you've said that's something you'd like?

Toned bodies are generally healthier. Muscle tone is hugely important as we age, to maintain functional fitness.
Exercise is good. I don’t think I’d be upset by this.

I mean if you can tell you need to drop a stone or two, have you ever mentioned it?

He can probably also see you could drop a bit of weight, but it clearly doesn't matter to him as he's with you as you are! If you've mentioned wanting to drop the weight I could understand why he's mentioned it. Realistically exercise is good!

Apologies I quoted the wrong poster, I meant to quote @MrsTerryPratchett

Thanks all. I suppose I am just a bit sensitive to it as I do actually go to the gym which he knows. He is right - I could tone up a bit - but still slightly hurts nevertheless!

I think you're being a little bit over sensitive OP.

He's not wrong. Exercise and being in good shape are both very important, and not just for how your body looks.

Yes, toned bodies are healthier. But I think we all know he probably didn't mean it in a muscle-mass way. I mean really.

Toned bodies are generally more attractive as well.
But I don’t think you can say this nowadays in case someone overweight gets offended.

You admit you would benefit from losing weight. What do you want: for him not to notice, or for him to pretend not to notice? The fact that you're offended says it's one or the other.

You brought the subject up, op. I think he was just encouraging you. Don't read too much into it.

Women are always telling boyfriends and partners if they need to lose weight, youea hasn't mentioned it before.

I think it was just the shock of the comment - I haven’t ever complained about my weight to him, he just knows that I go to the gym a couple of times a week. I think if I was constantly talking about wanting to lose weight to him I wouldn’t have been taken a back by it.

I wouldn’t take it as a positive comment either. I gained a bit of weight last few years and need to lose it. My DH often says : Have you been at home all day today? It’s not good, let’s go for a walk. He might even say: You need to do some exercises. Meaning from health point of view, but not that I’m not looking good ( toned) enough.

Yikes, I would be very upset by that. A partner saying exercise is good is fine imo - it is good for us, not because of size or weight but because it helps our brains, immune systems, body confidence etc - but the comment about toning up is really unacceptable imo. My partner would be on notice that we might break up if that was said to me.

you yourself have said you could do to lose a stone or 2, and you were the one who was looking at the cycle to work scheme.

if he had said yes cos you need to lose weight i'd be upset, but he is supporting you, he never said you were overweight he just said it would help to tone up!

i think he comment came from love and care and you are looking too far into it

Are you going to the gym to improve your fitness, tone up or both?

I'd be a bit upset too.

It's up to you to mention your looks/appearance.

He could have said 'you should do, you might enjoy it", or, "you should do, you'll get fitter".

Implying you need to "tone up" is not what a boyfriend should say, true or not.

I'm guessing it was just a misplaced comment from him if he doesn't have form. In his mind, exercise is healthy and makes you toned - more of a train of thought comment then an assessment of you. Think of him as being sweet and a little clumsy with his wording

I think it depends on whether you talk about needing to tone up or shape up etc Do you? If you talk about needing to lose a bit of weight or wanting to and going to the gym to improve your body then I think it's reasonable for him to say "yeah great - good idea and it'll help you tone up" ie it'll help you achieve your own goals.
If, on the other hand you don't talk about needing to tone up etc then it's not reasonable for him to say it at all.

Hea not said you need to lose weight. That is something you've said. He said it could be a good idea. He expanded to say you could tone up. It's another form of exercise when he knows you already go the gym.

Could it be something you do together?

I think you are overthinking it and being sensitive.